Zach Cant Focus Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 Maybe I'm just complaining about nothing but my friend's often do like "pick me [girl]" stuff (I have friends of all genders that do this but idk of a better term). Like they always talk about how much the "popular" as they say kids bother them or really just anyone that's like more following trends ig than they are. My friend group is like mostly queer probably also mostly neurodivergent "weird kids" group, we eat lunch under a staircase and whatnot. I'm honestly fine with that but a lot of them seem to have a lot of resentment about it towards anyone who they deem annoying. A lot of this resentment particularly is directed at "copy and paste girls". like they complain a ton about how many stanley cups they see (in their defense there is a ton of them). I don't think they say that to upset those girls but they dont try very hard to make sure they dont hear what theyre saying. for example like a few days ago we were doing an activity in class where the class was divided in half and competed against the other and the other team (by coincidence) was almost completely female and they start saying shit like "our team's screwed cause the girls with stanley cups are gonna answer all the questions right" and that "the lead in the stanley cups strengthens them" and i don't think they really realized that, shocker, a classroom isnt that big and they could hear them but a few of them seemed upset at their comments. it wouldve been one thing though if they didn't completely run that joke into the ground for the entire period. even as we were leaving they were complaining about "girls with black leggings" as 2 girls with black leggings walk by. i hate that they can't even hear themselves enough to realize how fucking misogynistic this makes them sound? they've also made fun of pick me girls before but if you change the phrasing of "im not like the other girls because theyre all the same with their stanley cups" to "all the copy and paste girls buying stanley cups are annoying" is somehow incredibly different to them. I really dont have too many complaints about my friends but they often lack basic self awareness of how shitty they sound. it took all of my self control not to respond "unlike you guys that are so quirky and different though, right?" cause i didnt want to start an argument while this isn't too big of a deal with them this mentality isn't too rare for them. im sure they'd be mad if the "copy and paste girls" made comments about their clothing music taste etc they would get pissed off but i guess since they perceive them as popular they falsely perceive it as "punching up" or just don't think before making fun of people but the negativity annoys me. I don't understand why so many people feel like they need to complain about the things other people enjoy whether it be more or less "mainstream" than the things they enjoy. i don't understand why people make fun of "weird kids" and i don't understand why some people make fun of something just cause its currently trendy, i don't understand why they can't equate the 2. it just sucks i guess because it makes me feel like i don't fit in with anyone MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth (Bluey) Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 personally I think your friends need to have a reality check Girls have stanley's because as a girl myself it motivates us to drink water MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zach Cant Focus Posted March 25 Author Share Posted March 25 1 hour ago, elizabeth (taylors version) said: personally I think your friends need to have a reality check Girls have stanley's because as a girl myself it motivates us to drink water yeah idk my logic has always been if it doesnt bother anyone let people do what they want but my friends dont seem to realize that theyre being just as shitty and terrible as they imagine the "mean girls" to be MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth (Bluey) Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 7 minutes ago, Zach Cant Focus said: yeah idk my logic has always been if it doesnt bother anyone let people do what they want but my friends dont seem to realize that theyre being just as shitty and terrible as they imagine the "mean girls" to be yeah I get that but they just need to realize that words do have power and the things they're saying are not okay and just plain rude MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zach Cant Focus Posted March 25 Author Share Posted March 25 17 hours ago, elizabeth (taylors version) said: yeah I get that but they just need to realize that words do have power and the things they're saying are not okay and just plain rude Yeah I want them to stop but I dont know how to tell them to especially cause they dont do it enough to be too big of a deal MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted March 29 Digital Mentor Share Posted March 29 On 3/25/2024 at 7:28 PM, Zach Cant Focus said: Yeah I want them to stop but I dont know how to tell them to especially cause they dont do it enough to be too big of a deal Hi @Zach Cant Focus I get why you find it difficult to talk to your friends about it. Reading through everything you said, you strike me as thoughtful, reflective and very mindful of other people and I'm not sure your friends are as mindful as you are. Is that fair to say? Within your group of friends, is there one friend who you are closest with and who you think might even appreciate you telling them what you have noticed? If so, maybe you could speak to them first (on your own) - just to get a feel for how the conversation goes. If that friend gets you and the point you are making then you might be able to speak to the rest of the group together. Do you think that might work? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zach Cant Focus Posted March 29 Author Share Posted March 29 3 hours ago, Aurora said: Hi @Zach Cant Focus I get why you find it difficult to talk to your friends about it. Reading through everything you said, you strike me as thoughtful, reflective and very mindful of other people and I'm not sure your friends are as mindful as you are. Is that fair to say? Within your group of friends, is there one friend who you are closest with and who you think might even appreciate you telling them what you have noticed? If so, maybe you could speak to them first (on your own) - just to get a feel for how the conversation goes. If that friend gets you and the point you are making then you might be able to speak to the rest of the group together. Do you think that might work? I guess so, maybe I'll do that if they continue with this MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted April 2 Digital Mentor Share Posted April 2 On 3/29/2024 at 2:43 PM, Zach Cant Focus said: I guess so, maybe I'll do that if they continue with this Is it Easter holidays at the moment or are you back at school today? If you like you can let us know how things are (don't feel you have to though). Also, if you do decide to talk to one of your friends and you would like some tips on how to have difficult conversations, let me know. We're here for you. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zach Cant Focus Posted April 2 Author Share Posted April 2 8 hours ago, Aurora said: Is it Easter holidays at the moment or are you back at school today? If you like you can let us know how things are (don't feel you have to though). Also, if you do decide to talk to one of your friends and you would like some tips on how to have difficult conversations, let me know. We're here for you. Yes I've been back at school. They haven't done anything relating to this specifically since, no. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted April 4 Digital Mentor Share Posted April 4 On 4/2/2024 at 8:19 PM, Zach Cant Focus said: Yes I've been back at school. They haven't done anything relating to this specifically since, no. That's good to hear. Let us know if it comes up again and you want to talk about it. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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