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learningbrain    

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I didn't meet my friend for a long period of time. I was having my exams when she came the coaching academy and when I came back to the coaching academy hr exams started so she resumed her classes. I was looking forward to meet her tomorrow. I asked her if she would come to the coaching academy, today in the morning. She said that her exams were being conducted during the time of academy classes. So said she wouldn't able to meet me. She also mentioned that she might go to her grandma's house after exams. I thought I would meet her yesterday but today she messaged me that she is the bus to her grandma's house. I was sad. I was actually planning to go to her house by running 5 km (I can run 5 km). I even imagined how I would wake her up. I imagined I would blow air in her face to wake her up. 

Do I have feelings for her? I know that I am a Little(actually a lot) biased towards her like I wouldn't say or do that if it weren't her. I also feel that she isn't worth my attention. I often feel she is lying to me on purpose. At That time she promised  me she would come to the railway station when I was going to my home town. I called her 2 hours before the train's arrival and asked her if she would still meet me and she was sure she would come. I even asked her to stop if she is not feeling well. She insisted on coming to meet me. She didn't come to meet in the end. Even though she gave me an explanation. That explanation was good ar that moment but when I analysed with my grandma it was having a lot of missing links. It was clear that she was lying.

I told to my friend and she said she was giving off witch vibes and she is kind of a person who commits just because it feels good at that moment but doesn't full fill the commitment. Even my friend feels Im biased towards her.

I am a straight forward. I don't say things I can't do. I simply just can't say things just like that. Whenever my relatives ask me if I would attend thier event and I know I wouldn't attend I would say I would come to thier event . I just smile. I was born in that kind of a family. I know that I am the youngest and can say that I will attend thier event but I don't..

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Posted (edited)

Please reply fast. It's not urgent though. 

Edited by learningbrain
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  • 3 weeks later...

New development my grandma told me me not to talk to her.

I came late to home since I was talking to her so she was angry on me. She was so tensed because I was late. She asked me to stop talking to her. She says she isn't useful and is a distraction. She asked me why I didn't inform her that I would come late to home. I promised that I wouldn't talk to her.

The crazy thing is I was feeling really sleepy during my classes and I imagined a character similar to her during that day dreaming.

Another crazy thing is she messaged me all on her own to tell me that she was leaving early to home because she has to buy some things for her brother. I am the one who usually asks questions.

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My grandma said is it me or her

I don't know if I will be able to date some one I like in the future.

She will say that our relationship will spoil if you don't leave her or something like that

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I don't say my friend is perfect. She isn't a good friend. She lies to me. I feel that It should be my decision to break the friendship. What do you think?

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  • Digital Mentor

Hi there @learningbrain, thanks for reaching out. I just want to check that I understood everything you said correctly. I hope you don't mind. It sounds like  you are friends with a girl, who you think you might have feelings for.  You have noticed that she lies to you and isn't a good friend. Therefore you don't know if you should continue your friendship. However, rather than you deciding for yourself whether or not you want to continue the friendship your grandmother has now said she doesn't want you to be friends anymore. Not only that - she is going as far as saying that you have to decide between your friend and her (your grandmother.) Is that right? 

Can I ask, why do you think your grandmother feels so strongly about this? 

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5 hours ago, Aurora said:

It sounds like  you are friends with a girl, who you think you might have feelings for.

True.

 

5 hours ago, Aurora said:

You have noticed that she lies to you and isn't a good friend.

Yes.

I ended up thinking like she didn't like put me in hold because of her uncertainty(if we ever dated). My standards fell down. My standards should be loving and caring partner. Staying together a basic requirement. Like it just seems like I'm happy she isn't cheating on me.

My grandma got agitated because I came home one hour late which is a long period of time and I didn't tell her. She was worried a lot. I understand that.

It was hestrical that day. A lot of emotions.

I even she isn't emotionally fit for a real relationship. She is pretty confused.

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

Therefore you don't know if you should continue your friendship.

I didn't even consider it.

My grandma forced it.

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

However, rather than you deciding for yourself whether or not you want to continue the friendship your grandmother has now said she doesn't want you to be friends anymore.

Yes

 

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

Not only that - she is going as far as saying that you have to decide between your friend and her (your grandmother.) Is that right? 

Yes

 

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

Can I ask, why do you think your grandmother feels so strongly about this?

She says I become irresponsible when I am with her. Previously I went to a nearby shop to have momos( a north eastern dish). I was late they scolded me that day.  Before that One day I went to Mc Donalds with her and ate fast and she warned me not to go out with her. Before that I went to a nearby shopping mall and had cold coffee. She didn't like it. She promised she would come to the railway station to drop me off but she didn't come there. She told she will come even 2 hours before the train's arrival .That's why my grandma is like that.  I understand her.

I think I am okay but I constantly check her expressions from the behind.

I kinda also feel she is not wanting to sit beside me because my emotions are pure. I kept a bottle in between so that I could see her in the reflection of the bottle. I felt she was blushing(may be not). She was definitely flaring her nostrils and I think that's a sign of being attracted to someone.

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Why did it take a lot of time to answer my question? Is there any possible explanation? Answer this only if you are comfortable.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hi @learningbrain. I’m Mestizo, one of the Support Mentors for Ditch the Label. Thank you for answering @Aurora. This is helpful in helping us understand your situation better. 

Regarding your question about the delayed response to your question, first I want to say sorry that you didn’t get a response sooner. On the main forum we like to encourage the participation of other users before we jump in to share our thoughts. The exception to this is if the member would like a Support Mentor to answer. If a subject is more sensitive, members are able to request confidential support and Support Mentors are alerted and seek to answer these support request as soon as one of us becomes available. If however, a post is made in the regular forum and no response is made by any other forum participant we will seek to answer any questions asked or provide support as needed. In your case, we may have waited longer than expect. Please know that if there is something you’d like a Support Mentor to answer, you are able to tag us at either @Mestizo, @Aurora, @Duckie, or @Luie. Otherwise, we will give it some time to allow others to share their thoughts before we share ours. I hope this helps clarify.  

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On 4/5/2024 at 6:09 PM, learningbrain said:

True.

Yes.

I ended up thinking like she didn't like put me in hold because of her uncertainty(if we ever dated). My standards fell down. My standards should be loving and caring partner. Staying together a basic requirement. Like it just seems like I'm happy she isn't cheating on me.

My grandma got agitated because I came home one hour late which is a long period of time and I didn't tell her. She was worried a lot. I understand that.

It was hestrical that day. A lot of emotions.

I even she isn't emotionally fit for a real relationship. She is pretty confused.

I didn't even consider it.

My grandma forced it.

Yes

Yes

She says I become irresponsible when I am with her. Previously I went to a nearby shop to have momos( a north eastern dish). I was late they scolded me that day.  Before that One day I went to Mc Donalds with her and ate fast and she warned me not to go out with her. Before that I went to a nearby shopping mall and had cold coffee. She didn't like it. She promised she would come to the railway station to drop me off but she didn't come there. She told she will come even 2 hours before the train's arrival .That's why my grandma is like that.  I understand her.

I think I am okay but I constantly check her expressions from the behind.

I kinda also feel she is not wanting to sit beside me because my emotions are pure. I kept a bottle in between so that I could see her in the reflection of the bottle. I felt she was blushing(may be not). She was definitely flaring her nostrils and I think that's a sign of being attracted to someone.

Thank you so much for explaining everything a bit more. I get the impression that your grandmother is being protective over you and isn't happy with the way your friend is treating you. It sounds like when you are with your friend, you can get carried away and for example you end up coming home late, which worries your grandma. It's nice that you're trying to understand where your grandmother is coming from but I can also understand why you want to make your own decisions. I'm wondering whether you could speak to your grandma about this. Maybe you can have a conversation about how important it is to navigate friendships and relationships ourselves and that this is what makes us learn and grow. Maybe you could ask her what it was like for her growing up and if she learnt more when she was told what to do or when she figured things out for herself. Do you think that might work?

How have things been with your friend? 

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On 4/11/2024 at 4:16 PM, Aurora said:

Maybe you could ask her what it was like for her growing up and if she learnt more when she was told what to do or when she figured things out for herself. Do you think that might work?

It's a good advice but it was too late. Things settled down. We are good.

On 4/11/2024 at 4:16 PM, Aurora said:

How have things been with your friend?

The other day I was teasing her and asked her if she noticed anything. I was writing on the elbow without her knowledge. I teased her but she wasn't irritated. I know she noticed it but I wanted her to react but hse didn't. She was disinterested. Then I told her that there is something she didn't really notice. I deleted my Instagram account. She is the only follower I had. She didn't notice.

Okay that's fine she isn't that active on Instagram but she didn't notice. She isn't paying that much attention. She is always like that. Yesterday she asked me if I was angry and I said no. 

I really not angry on her. It's really the way she is. 

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On 4/14/2024 at 3:48 AM, learningbrain said:

It's a good advice but it was too late. Things settled down. We are good.

The other day I was teasing her and asked her if she noticed anything. I was writing on the elbow without her knowledge. I teased her but she wasn't irritated. I know she noticed it but I wanted her to react but hse didn't. She was disinterested. Then I told her that there is something she didn't really notice. I deleted my Instagram account. She is the only follower I had. She didn't notice.

Okay that's fine she isn't that active on Instagram but she didn't notice. She isn't paying that much attention. She is always like that. Yesterday she asked me if I was angry and I said no. 

I really not angry on her. It's really the way she is. 

I'm glad to hear that things have settled down with your grandma and that you're good. 

I get the impression that your friendship might be a little one sided and that you give more than she does. Is that fair to say? If you didn't have any feelings for your friend, do you think you would still want to be friends with her? 

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 4/16/2024 at 4:45 PM, Aurora said:

I get the impression that your friendship might be a little one sided and that you give more than she does. Is that fair to say?

I guess you can say that.

 

On 4/16/2024 at 4:45 PM, Aurora said:

If you didn't have any feelings for your friend, do you think you would still want to be friends with her?

I doubt that. It's definitely think I'm attracted to her. I don't know why.

My grandma is away for a while.

I called her yesterday. Something funny happened in my school so I wanted to share that and called her. Look at the coincidence. It's not really a coincidence. My grandma asked me to stop talking to her (long ago) and I called her yesterday. My grandma knows that. I told my grandma that I talked to her.

She even says I turn mad when I'm with her that's why she asked me to stop talking to her.

I enjoyed listening to her. Here I don't know if it's the topic (she ranting her anger on her classmates who were saying indecent words in the classroom) she was talking about or I was just enjoying just because it was her.

I think It's her not the topic which intrested me. I'm not 100 percent sure but like 80 percent sure.

I told her what happened at my school. She reacted in a way I expected. I really enjoyed this particular moment.

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I'm in my 12 grade so a bit busy. My grandma was watching me the whole time so I wasn't able to reply fast.

I hope you understand that.

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Today my school gave every student and icecream and I shared it with my mom grandma and her. It was the first thing I did after I reached home. I was sooooooo happy. I just wanted to share my happiness with them.

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Good night...

I have to go to school tomorrow. It's around 1:30 am

I slept in the afternoon don't worry. I was preparing for my test on Saturday. Just wanted to share.

Ok bye 

 

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