Me and my bf keep getting reported for PDA

[CoconutCultist]

So me and my bf (both trans m 14) sit together at lunch everyday (we're in two seperate classes so we have to sit at different tables) and we don't really care about homophobic remarks and things like that. My class lines up before his class, but right by our tables, so everyday we hug goodbye and such. However, someone spun a rumor that me and him were kissing goodbye, and a bunch of kids from our table reported that they were 'uncomfortable' with us to the lunch monitor. Today, when I hugged goodbye to him, the lunch monitor said "No one wants to see you two doing it, you need to stop." When I objected because it was just a hug, she said she was reporting us to guidance. Sure enough, as soon as I got back to class, I got called out to the guidance office, and so did my bf. They explained that we need to stop commiting pda, and I argued that students were only reporting us because we're a queer couple, because I had seen straight couples do the same thing without anyone caring. But then she said she had had several students report straight couples for the same thing and lectured us on how "You're not the only ones getting in trouble." We were let off without punishment (probably because me and my bf were getting visibly upset and arguing), but now I'm worried that kids are gonna start reporting us for just being near eachother.

[Aurora]

On 3/5/2024 at 8:03 PM, CoconutCultist said:

So me and my bf (both trans m 14) sit together at lunch everyday (we're in two seperate classes so we have to sit at different tables) and we don't really care about homophobic remarks and things like that. My class lines up before his class, but right by our tables, so everyday we hug goodbye and such. However, someone spun a rumor that me and him were kissing goodbye, and a bunch of kids from our table reported that they were 'uncomfortable' with us to the lunch monitor. Today, when I hugged goodbye to him, the lunch monitor said "No one wants to see you two doing it, you need to stop." When I objected because it was just a hug, she said she was reporting us to guidance. Sure enough, as soon as I got back to class, I got called out to the guidance office, and so did my bf. They explained that we need to stop commiting pda, and I argued that students were only reporting us because we're a queer couple, because I had seen straight couples do the same thing without anyone caring. But then she said she had had several students report straight couples for the same thing and lectured us on how "You're not the only ones getting in trouble." We were let off without punishment (probably because me and my bf were getting visibly upset and arguing), but now I'm worried that kids are gonna start reporting us for just being near eachother.

Hi @CoconutCultist, nice to hear from you again. Although I am sorry to hear about what's been happening to you and your boyfriend. I'd like to start off by saying good on you (and your boyfriend) for standing up for yourselves!! It does seem over the top. that you got pulled into the guidance office  for hugging your boyfriend goodbye. You said that according to the guidance office it's the same for straight couples, too. Would you say that your school is really strict with those kinds of things? What if two friends were hugging, is that also not allowed? 

You also mentioned that you're worried that other kids will start reporting you for just being near each other and that you don't really care about homophobic remarks. Does that mean that others have been making homophobic comments? If so, how would you feel about reporting them? Because that's really not OK! They should not be treating you like this!

Also, do you have any friends, who are supportive of your relationship? I'm wondering, if you could ask them to sit with you and your boyfriend. Like this, if anyone reports you for something you didn't do, you have your friends there to back you up. What do you think? 

[CoconutCultist]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi @CoconutCultist, nice to hear from you again. Although I am sorry to hear about what's been happening to you and your boyfriend. I'd like to start off by saying good on you (and your boyfriend) for standing up for yourselves!! It does seem over the top. that you got pulled into the guidance office  for hugging your boyfriend goodbye. You said that according to the guidance office it's the same for straight couples, too. Would you say that your school is really strict with those kinds of things? What if two friends were hugging, is that also not allowed? 

You also mentioned that you're worried that other kids will start reporting you for just being near each other and that you don't really care about homophobic remarks. Does that mean that others have been making homophobic comments? If so, how would you feel about reporting them? Because that's really not OK! They should not be treating you like this!

Also, do you have any friends, who are supportive of your relationship? I'm wondering, if you could ask them to sit with you and your boyfriend. Like this, if anyone reports you for something you didn't do, you have your friends there to back you up. What do you think? 

The school doesn't seem as strict with friends, but me and my boyfriend are very open as a couple, and my boyfriends last relationship was with an amab person and they would hug, hold hands, even kiss and no one cared, including teachers. Kids do make homophobic remarks and I have tried reporting them but the kids don't care about detentions and ISS, so I stopped caring. We do have friends that are supportive of our relationship, but we have assigned tables at lunch and all of our group is spread out through the cafeteria, the only reason we can sit by eachother is because our classes sit at tables right next to eachother.

[Aurora]

16 hours ago, CoconutCultist said:

The school doesn't seem as strict with friends, but me and my boyfriend are very open as a couple, and my boyfriends last relationship was with an amab person and they would hug, hold hands, even kiss and no one cared, including teachers. Kids do make homophobic remarks and I have tried reporting them but the kids don't care about detentions and ISS, so I stopped caring. We do have friends that are supportive of our relationship, but we have assigned tables at lunch and all of our group is spread out through the cafeteria, the only reason we can sit by eachother is because our classes sit at tables right next to eachother.

That is odd, that they didn't mind with your boyfriends previous relationship. Do you have any idea of why that might be? 

I'm sorry to hear that kids are making homophobic remarks and that they don't care if you report them. It isn't OK for them to do that and if a detention or ISS isn't working then maybe your school needs to think about a different way to address this. Do you mind me asking, if your parents know about this? It might be worth getting them involved, if you haven't already. What do you think?  

That's annoying that you have assigned tables for lunch. At least you and your boyfriend get to sit together - that's great! Can I ask, how long have the two of you been together? 

[CoconutCultist]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

That is odd, that they didn't mind with your boyfriends previous relationship. Do you have any idea of why that might be? 

I'm sorry to hear that kids are making homophobic remarks and that they don't care if you report them. It isn't OK for them to do that and if a detention or ISS isn't working then maybe your school needs to think about a different way to address this. Do you mind me asking, if your parents know about this? It might be worth getting them involved, if you haven't already. What do you think?  

That's annoying that you have assigned tables for lunch. At least you and your boyfriend get to sit together - that's great! Can I ask, how long have the two of you been together? 

My parents are aware of the bullying, but not aware that I am queer or that I'm dating someone, we've been dating for about three months.