Falling out with my best friend

[June_Bug]

So my (16 f) best friend (23 m) and I recently had a falling out and I don't know if it can ever be repaired. Looking at our age difference, you're probably thinking "yikes" but he's been really close with my family and big brother almost as long as I've been alive. We started talking about a yr.5 ago when I was talking to my brother about some problems I was having. My bro gave me (let's call him Jo)'s # and we started texting. We became close bc we had so much in common. It felt like he got me better than anyone else. He was (and is) a mental and emotional wreck and I would help him w some of that and he would help me too.

My brother was in the military until recently, and he and Jo were planning to be roommates once he got out. Several plans fell thru and it didn't work out so both of them came to stay at my mom's and rent a room.

This is when things started going down hill. It was great at first and everyone was having a good time.. but then Jo started causing drama. He started trash talking my brother behind his back and to his face and not taking care of simple things like cleaning up lint from the dryer. This caused me to start pushing him away. We talked about this and he said it was bc he "hadn't been telling me the truth" bc my mom had asked him not to.

Eventually it came out that he had fallen for me (which I already knew but didn't want to confront bc of everything else going on in my life). Naturally, I was very uncomfortable with that and angry that he had ruined our friendship (bc that's what happens when your emotionally unstable, 7 yrs older friend falls in love with you). My mom ended up making me block him and he got kicked out. I still miss talking to him and having someone to rely on, but for obvious reasons, he's gone for the foreseeable future and idk how to handle it.

[Madeleine_357]

12 hours ago, June_Bug said:

So my (16 f) best friend (23 m) and I recently had a falling out and I don't know if it can ever be repaired. Looking at our age difference, you're probably thinking "yikes" but he's been really close with my family and big brother almost as long as I've been alive. We started talking about a yr.5 ago when I was talking to my brother about some problems I was having. My bro gave me (let's call him Jo)'s # and we started texting. We became close bc we had so much in common. It felt like he got me better than anyone else. He was (and is) a mental and emotional wreck and I would help him w some of that and he would help me too.

My brother was in the military until recently, and he and Jo were planning to be roommates once he got out. Several plans fell thru and it didn't work out so both of them came to stay at my mom's and rent a room.

This is when things started going down hill. It was great at first and everyone was having a good time.. but then Jo started causing drama. He started trash talking my brother behind his back and to his face and not taking care of simple things like cleaning up lint from the dryer. This caused me to start pushing him away. We talked about this and he said it was bc he "hadn't been telling me the truth" bc my mom had asked him not to.

Eventually it came out that he had fallen for me (which I already knew but didn't want to confront bc of everything else going on in my life). Naturally, I was very uncomfortable with that and angry that he had ruined our friendship (bc that's what happens when your emotionally unstable, 7 yrs older friend falls in love with you). My mom ended up making me block him and he got kicked out. I still miss talking to him and having someone to rely on, but for obvious reasons, he's gone for the foreseeable future and idk how to handle it.

Oh wow. You could like make that into a book or like a movie or something. I'm assuming this is the greatly shortened version of the story. 

So it sounds like maybe things emotionally and mentally got worse for your friend, and he started taking it out on others around him. I mean, that's just what it sounds like from an outsider perspective. 

So um... he fell for you. I can def see why that would make you uncomfortable, especially if you only see him as a friend and nothing more. And also considering it's like, not legal for you and him to date anyways. Did he make the signs obvious that he liked you? Almost like he wanted you to return the feelings and you guys could be an item?

[June_Bug]

I think I had just never been able to see his true colors before bc we had been friends over text.

 

And I'm not sorry sure what counts as "making signs" bc I can pick up on really small stuff. But when the family would watch movies, he would keep looking at me. And one time he took me to a concert once time and asked to hold me have. I said yes bc I figured it was just something did say concerts that I didn't know about bc I didn't go to many. There was also this look he gave me once it twice that (in my experience) all guys get when they like you. I can it the Side Smile. Basically it's this small smile that it seems like they don't even know they're making and it's often our if the corner of their eyes. You can also see it in tangled and the frog princess and other Disney movies.

[Madeleine_357]

10 hours ago, June_Bug said:

I think I had just never been able to see his true colors before bc we had been friends over text.

And I'm not sorry sure what counts as "making signs" bc I can pick up on really small stuff. But when the family would watch movies, he would keep looking at me. And one time he took me to a concert once time and asked to hold me have. I said yes bc I figured it was just something did say concerts that I didn't know about bc I didn't go to many. There was also this look he gave me once it twice that (in my experience) all guys get when they like you. I can it the Side Smile. Basically it's this small smile that it seems like they don't even know they're making and it's often our if the corner of their eyes. You can also see it in tangled and the frog princess and other Disney movies.

Wow the small smile thing is very observant of you. So clearly he was dropping major hints that he liked you. Like, VERY major hints. I kinda forgot the point I was going to make after I got an answer to the question, so I'm just going to take a few moments to try and get it back...

*A few moments later*

OK so I think my point may have been that putting off the conversation may have made it spiral into something worse than it needed to be. You miss him, yes? So maybe have a conversation about things with him and try and solve the problems with words. Bottling your problems with each other inside isn't going to magically fix things. (I am such a hypocrite my god). Anyways, my point is that you should try to speak with him about things from your POV, and explain how just the combination of all of his actions made you and your family uncomfortable. 

I think there was another point I was going to make but I forgot what that one was too. 

[June_Bug]

That's what I did. I tried really hard to salvage it. But he has a really *really* hard time understanding someone else's pov. Everything has to relate to him. He's supper self centered, but also hates himself. It's weird. After weeks of trying this and getting nothing but heartache, I gave up and my mom made me block him. He couldn't even understand what the problem was and it was all about him. I asked him point blank if he knew how it was affecting me and what I wanted. It took hours for him to even get beyond himself. Believe me, I tried harder to save that relationship than any other one in the past (and that's saying something). 

One night (abt a month later) I was really lonely and decided to text him. It was weird. We talked a little for a while, but on Valentine's Day he texted me a pic of the two of us at a concert and said he missed me. I told him to let me go, then be my friend and he said he wasn't ready yet. I haven't talked to him since.

***Edit

I only avoided the topic bc I knew it would go badly and I wasn't ready to lose someone close to me again only a few mos after my sister passed away.

Edited March 1 by June_Bug
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[Madeleine_357]

20 hours ago, June_Bug said:

That's what I did. I tried really hard to salvage it. But he has a really *really* hard time understanding someone else's pov. Everything has to relate to him. He's supper self centered, but also hates himself. It's weird. After weeks of trying this and getting nothing but heartache, I gave up and my mom made me block him. He couldn't even understand what the problem was and it was all about him. I asked him point blank if he knew how it was affecting me and what I wanted. It took hours for him to even get beyond himself. Believe me, I tried harder to save that relationship than any other one in the past (and that's saying something). 

One night (abt a month later) I was really lonely and decided to text him. It was weird. We talked a little for a while, but on Valentine's Day he texted me a pic of the two of us at a concert and said he missed me. I told him to let me go, then be my friend and he said he wasn't ready yet. I haven't talked to him since.

***Edit

I only avoided the topic bc I knew it would go badly and I wasn't ready to lose someone close to me again only a few mos after my sister passed away.

Yeah that makes sense. If he really can't understand your POV, then I honestly think you're better off without him. 

Anything that's meant to be will be. If he really wants to be around you, he'll at least make an effort to understand where you're coming from. Just step back, which you've said you've already done, and let things take it's course. That would be my advice