Moral dilemma- I have a spider sense about people based on whether they are Queer or not.

[Mercury Venus]

So, I have a very big dilemma, with two parts to it.

1) I am very bad at making friends because I literally end up liking every person I'm friends with, but only if they are queer... It's like I make friends with people who are queer and just get on with them better than straight people because I can relate to them, they are non-judgmental and have a sort of empathy...

But... anywho...

Basically, I have a crush on this guy who we shall call Leo. Now, the thing is Leo doesn't like me back, and he is in a relationship with another person.

But I like Leo, a lot and I really want to be his friend, but I recently had a friend I had a minor crush on and we fell out bc of it (I didn't tell him I liked him, I was just really nervous about talking to him and stuff), and in the past, I've had crushes on a lot of my friends, even though they weren't Queer, which isn't an issue at all, it's just they didn't like me back which I'm fine with, I just feel like i sort of set myself up for the rejection.

I feel like I'm going insane bc I can't speak to him bc he is friends with the friend I fell out with and they always hang out, I can't get his number cuz I haven't spoken to him, (other than the fact like before Christmas he gave me a pride sticker and was being friendly around me) and every time I do I mess things up.

 

But wait there's more:

2) I am starting to feel very uncomfortable in myself because I'm starting to wonder if I'm a transtrender (someone who identifies as trans to get attention and be popular) if I'm just straight if I'm a girl, a lesbian, or pansexual. And I have no idea what to do about it and I'm having a massive anxiety attack about it 

 

If someone had any advice at all so I can breathe properly and feel less like I'm faking my whole self I'd be very grateful 

Edited February 24 by Saint Satan

[Luie]

3 hours ago, Saint Satan said:

So, I have a very big dilemma, with two parts to it.

1) I am very bad at making friends because I literally end up liking every person I'm friends with, but only if they are queer... It's like I make friends with people who are queer and just get on with them better than straight people because I can relate to them, they are non-judgmental and have a sort of empathy...

But... anywho...

Basically, I have a crush on this guy who we shall call Leo. Now, the thing is Leo doesn't like me back, and he is in a relationship with another person.

But I like Leo, a lot and I really want to be his friend, but I recently had a friend I had a minor crush on and we fell out bc of it (I didn't tell him I liked him, I was just really nervous about talking to him and stuff), and in the past, I've had crushes on a lot of my friends, even though they weren't Queer, which isn't an issue at all, it's just they didn't like me back which I'm fine with, I just feel like i sort of set myself up for the rejection.

I feel like I'm going insane bc I can't speak to him bc he is friends with the friend I fell out with and they always hang out, I can't get his number cuz I haven't spoken to him, (other than the fact like before Christmas he gave me a pride sticker and was being friendly around me) and every time I do I mess things up.

But wait there's more:

2) I am starting to feel very uncomfortable in myself because I'm starting to wonder if I'm a transtrender (someone who identifies as trans to get attention and be popular) if I'm just straight if I'm a girl, a lesbian, or pansexual. And I have no idea what to do about it and I'm having a massive anxiety attack about it 

If someone had any advice at all so I can breathe properly and feel less like I'm faking my whole self I'd be very grateful 

 

I hear you @Saint Satan, and it sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. It's completely normal to have feelings of uncertainty and anxiety, especially when it comes to relationships and identity, appreciate you sharing it with us on the community here. 

Firstly, it's okay to feel a strong connection with people who share similar experiences and identities as you. Finding friends who understand you and accept you for who you are is important, and it's understandable that you feel more comfortable with queer individuals who exhibit empathy and understanding. Regarding your feelings for Leo, it can be tough to navigate friendships when romantic feelings are involved, especially if there's a fear of rejection or potential complications. It's admirable that you want to maintain a friendship with him despite your feelings, but it's also essential to prioritize your emotional well-being. I am wondering have you considered finding ways to create some emotional distance while still maintaining a friendly connection?

As for your second dilemma, questioning your identity can be incredibly overwhelming. It's important to remember that your feelings and experiences are valid, and there's no rush to label yourself or fit into a specific category. Identity exploration is a journey, and it's okay to take your time to understand yourself better. Also, sexuality exists on a spectrum and how you feel now could change according to who you meet, phase of life or it might stay the same, but yeah maybe just allowing yourself the space and time to explore. How does this sound to you? 

 

[Mercury Venus]

5 minutes ago, Luie said:

I hear you @Saint Satan, and it sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. It's completely normal to have feelings of uncertainty and anxiety, especially when it comes to relationships and identity, appreciate you sharing it with us on the community here. 

Firstly, it's okay to feel a strong connection with people who share similar experiences and identities as you. Finding friends who understand you and accept you for who you are is important, and it's understandable that you feel more comfortable with queer individuals who exhibit empathy and understanding. Regarding your feelings for Leo, it can be tough to navigate friendships when romantic feelings are involved, especially if there's a fear of rejection or potential complications. It's admirable that you want to maintain a friendship with him despite your feelings, but it's also essential to prioritize your emotional well-being. I am wondering have you considered finding ways to create some emotional distance while still maintaining a friendly connection?

As for your second dilemma, questioning your identity can be incredibly overwhelming. It's important to remember that your feelings and experiences are valid, and there's no rush to label yourself or fit into a specific category. Identity exploration is a journey, and it's okay to take your time to understand yourself better. Also, sexuality exists on a spectrum and how you feel now could change according to who you meet, phase of life or it might stay the same, but yeah maybe just allowing yourself the space and time to explore. How does this sound to you? 

Regarding what you have addressed I feel like that does sound good, and I will slowly find ways to distance myself emotionally so I can still be friends with him and not feel like I can't be. Also, I think in terms of my struggles with my identity, that sounds good and I shall take the time to do that. Thank you very much for your help :)

[Luie]

5 minutes ago, Saint Satan said:

Regarding what you have addressed I feel like that does sound good, and I will slowly find ways to distance myself emotionally so I can still be friends with him and not feel like I can't be. Also, I think in terms of my struggles with my identity, that sounds good and I shall take the time to do that. Thank you very much for your help :)

I am glad you found that useful @Saint Satan, I hope you know that you can always revisit this again with the community or any support mentors including myself because things like identity can take time to process and if any other questions come up, we are here for you. Glad to have you on the community!