what should i do?

[opie]

 

hey! i had a quick question about a scenario im in and its kind of driving me insane because i dont know what to do.

for context, i am a high school junior in conneticut and as far as im concerned, i've been straight all my life. by that i mean i've always had crushes on guys and i would have never thought about asking a girl out or being with a girl. all my friends think that i might be gay just because i am very "flamboyant" with my hand gestures, fashion, the way i talk, and the fact that i LOVE theater and the arts in general.

however, recently i feel like something in me changed. i made a friend last year and we sit on the bus together on the way to school. at first it felt like a typical friendship but i think somewhere in between then and now, I have started to develop feelings for her, especially after she came out to me.

for more context, we are more close than your typical friendship to the point where ppl think that we are dating and i always kind of make fun about how that wouldn't work out bc im straight...but my thing now is am i?

we text a lot and sometimes i feel frantic when i send a message and i don't get a response back, or when she sends me messages my heart skips a beat for a second. same with physical touch, like if she ever hugs me or touches my hands or shoulder, i can feel my heart pounding more. at one of the school dances, we ditched our friends and spent the whole night slow dancing and i don't think ill ever recover from how that made me feel. the two of us always used to ditch our friends during lunch, and sit and just talk together, listen to music, gossip, ect. we would tell eachother everything. for valentines day last year, even though we are just friends, she made me the sweetest homemade gift that i keep in my room. she even told me once she loved me...she clarified platonically afterwards bc she thinks im straight and we kinda joked about it afterwards. 

the thing is i thought all of that was a platonic, but this year, junior year stuff kinda changes.

we had kinda fallen out for two months, stopped texting, didnt sit together nothing. i felt like i couldnt hate her even though i should bc i think i was developing a crush. during that time i also heard from mutual friends that she got a girlfriend, and even though we werent friends, even though we werent talking, even though i was pretty sure at the time i was straight i felt so angry and jealous and even now i cant understand why.

fast forward, we started talking again yay! she apologized and we met up for food, and she had told me about this girlfriend and how they had broken up and again, i cant explain it but it made me happy to hear. even though it caused her grief for whatever reason it just made me feel better and i know thats so bad to say. we hang out a lot more and love is constantly something i express to her (like not that i love her but how i wish i was with someone)

i feel like this "crush" is getting worse as im constantly "stalking" her on social media, and listening to her spotify playlists on repeat. additionally im not even sure if im bisexual or not (whole other story) i cant even begin to tell ygs how many "am i bi" quizzes ive taken online... i guess what i wanna find out is what should i do? im not really out to anyone...am not even sure if i need to be out and i definitely dont wanna fuck up our friendship telling her i like her? i just feel so lost, and now at school i stare at her in the halls, and talk to her on the bus like a best friend should, but i want to be more...

im so sorry for the long story, its just i dont know what to do...and im not even sure if i am straight or not...i just need some guidance in these troubling times. 

 

[Aurora]

13 hours ago, opie said:

hey! i had a quick question about a scenario im in and its kind of driving me insane because i dont know what to do.

for context, i am a high school junior in conneticut and as far as im concerned, i've been straight all my life. by that i mean i've always had crushes on guys and i would have never thought about asking a girl out or being with a girl. all my friends think that i might be gay just because i am very "flamboyant" with my hand gestures, fashion, the way i talk, and the fact that i LOVE theater and the arts in general.

however, recently i feel like something in me changed. i made a friend last year and we sit on the bus together on the way to school. at first it felt like a typical friendship but i think somewhere in between then and now, I have started to develop feelings for her, especially after she came out to me.

for more context, we are more close than your typical friendship to the point where ppl think that we are dating and i always kind of make fun about how that wouldn't work out bc im straight...but my thing now is am i?

we text a lot and sometimes i feel frantic when i send a message and i don't get a response back, or when she sends me messages my heart skips a beat for a second. same with physical touch, like if she ever hugs me or touches my hands or shoulder, i can feel my heart pounding more. at one of the school dances, we ditched our friends and spent the whole night slow dancing and i don't think ill ever recover from how that made me feel. the two of us always used to ditch our friends during lunch, and sit and just talk together, listen to music, gossip, ect. we would tell eachother everything. for valentines day last year, even though we are just friends, she made me the sweetest homemade gift that i keep in my room. she even told me once she loved me...she clarified platonically afterwards bc she thinks im straight and we kinda joked about it afterwards. 

the thing is i thought all of that was a platonic, but this year, junior year stuff kinda changes.

we had kinda fallen out for two months, stopped texting, didnt sit together nothing. i felt like i couldnt hate her even though i should bc i think i was developing a crush. during that time i also heard from mutual friends that she got a girlfriend, and even though we werent friends, even though we werent talking, even though i was pretty sure at the time i was straight i felt so angry and jealous and even now i cant understand why.

fast forward, we started talking again yay! she apologized and we met up for food, and she had told me about this girlfriend and how they had broken up and again, i cant explain it but it made me happy to hear. even though it caused her grief for whatever reason it just made me feel better and i know thats so bad to say. we hang out a lot more and love is constantly something i express to her (like not that i love her but how i wish i was with someone)

i feel like this "crush" is getting worse as im constantly "stalking" her on social media, and listening to her spotify playlists on repeat. additionally im not even sure if im bisexual or not (whole other story) i cant even begin to tell ygs how many "am i bi" quizzes ive taken online... i guess what i wanna find out is what should i do? im not really out to anyone...am not even sure if i need to be out and i definitely dont wanna fuck up our friendship telling her i like her? i just feel so lost, and now at school i stare at her in the halls, and talk to her on the bus like a best friend should, but i want to be more...

im so sorry for the long story, its just i dont know what to do...and im not even sure if i am straight or not...i just need some guidance in these troubling times. 

Hi @opie I just wanted to say a huge big welcome to Ditch the Label! It's great to have you here  I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors.

Thanks so much for opening us and letting us know what's been going on for you. I can understand why you are feeling confused right now. I've replied to your message on Confidential Support - if you like we can continue talking there.  

I would imagine that there are other community members here who understand how you might be feeling right now or would like to welcome you to the community- hopefully you'll get some replies from them as well. We're here for you 

[opie]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi @opie I just wanted to say a huge big welcome to Ditch the Label! It's great to have you here  I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors.

Thanks so much for opening us and letting us know what's been going on for you. I can understand why you are feeling confused right now. I've replied to your message on Confidential Support - if you like we can continue talking there.  

I would imagine that there are other community members here who understand how you might be feeling right now or would like to welcome you to the community- hopefully you'll get some replies from them as well. We're here for you 

hii! im new to the community and im not sure how to access confidential support..do you know how it might look on my end? i would love to continue talking <333

[Megs-]

17 minutes ago, opie said:

hii! im new to the community and im not sure how to access confidential support..do you know how it might look on my end? i would love to continue talking <333

Hi, there! Im megs, are you on mobile or laptop? 

[opie]

3 hours ago, Megs- said:

Hi, there! Im megs, are you on mobile or laptop? 

hi megs! im on a laptop :))

[Megs-]

Just now, opie said:

hi megs! im on a laptop :))

Ah - I am on mobile so I am not entirely sure what it looks like on laptop!. Hopefully somebody using a laptop can help

[Aurora]

On 2/20/2024 at 7:51 PM, opie said:

hii! im new to the community and im not sure how to access confidential support..do you know how it might look on my end? i would love to continue talking <333

Hi @opie, of course, no problem. I'd love to keep talking. 

This is how to get back to confidential support: go to the top of the page - on the left side, next to the Ditch the Label logo you'll see six different tabs. The first one looks like a speech bubble (that's the community tab). Click on the fourth one ( which is shaped like a heart) - this is confidential support. Just scroll down and you should be able to see any open support request. Let me know if you have any problems. Speak soon