Difficulty maintaining relationships

[Smiley8unny]

Thank you for reading this.

Whenever I am interested in someone and I want to pursue them, I always start doubting myself. I don't know if i actually like them even if I was simping for them just a few days ago. At times I even ghost the other person in hopes that them hating me will show me how to further feel for them. I always hope for the worst. The last relationship i had was quite odd and only lasted 2 months although i wanted them back. I asked for advice from a friend and she said I sound like a robot and use too much logic. I'm grateful for the advice and I'm working on understanding normal emotional reactions to situations, but I still don't get it. Whenever  I make new friends, something always happens along the line. I always make an effort to put everyone first, look at situations from their point of view, reassure them and more or less do what they want. At some point i start to drift away. I don't wanna talk to anyone for months at a time and I am aware that they might hate me. I really want to talk to them and all but I just feel so exhausted when talking to anyone...yeah I know I included a lot in this and it's jumbled up but I had to let it out

[Megs-]

Omg I am the exact same rn.. I have a bf and I keep overthinking etc,.. and thinking he’s cheating, which pushes him away. And I can’t keep relationships or friendships, but I told my therapist this and he said this comes ( for me ) from abandonment, neglect etc from my past, which makes it hard for me to trust someone which then makes me overthink etc, any type of thing in our past can cause this, it doesn’t make you look bad, it’s just shite sometimes.  Have you ever spoken to someone about this? Ik I’ve made this about me and im sorry but I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I’ll tag the mentors @Digital Mentor

[Smiley8unny]

Thank you for responding and letting me know that I'm not alone. 

[Megs-]

1 minute ago, Smiley8unny said:

Thank you for responding and letting me know that I'm not alone. 

You’re not alone, im always here for you :)!

[Luie]

20 hours ago, Megs- said:

Omg I am the exact same rn.. I have a bf and I keep overthinking etc,.. and thinking he’s cheating, which pushes him away. And I can’t keep relationships or friendships, but I told my therapist this and he said this comes ( for me ) from abandonment, neglect etc from my past, which makes it hard for me to trust someone which then makes me overthink etc, any type of thing in our past can cause this, it doesn’t make you look bad, it’s just shite sometimes.  Have you ever spoken to someone about this? Ik I’ve made this about me and im sorry but I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I’ll tag the mentors @Digital Mentor

Thanks @Megs-, will reply to it! 

[Luie]

22 hours ago, Smiley8unny said:

Thank you for reading this.

Whenever I am interested in someone and I want to pursue them, I always start doubting myself. I don't know if i actually like them even if I was simping for them just a few days ago. At times I even ghost the other person in hopes that them hating me will show me how to further feel for them. I always hope for the worst. The last relationship i had was quite odd and only lasted 2 months although i wanted them back. I asked for advice from a friend and she said I sound like a robot and use too much logic. I'm grateful for the advice and I'm working on understanding normal emotional reactions to situations, but I still don't get it. Whenever  I make new friends, something always happens along the line. I always make an effort to put everyone first, look at situations from their point of view, reassure them and more or less do what they want. At some point i start to drift away. I don't wanna talk to anyone for months at a time and I am aware that they might hate me. I really want to talk to them and all but I just feel so exhausted when talking to anyone...yeah I know I included a lot in this and it's jumbled up but I had to let it out

 

Heyy @Smiley8unny, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label 

It sounds like you're going through a lot and it's really brave of you to express how you're feeling, thank you for sharing it with us on the community here. Doubting yourself and feeling unsure about your emotions, especially when it comes to pursuing someone, can be incredibly tough. It's so totally understandable to feel overwhelmed by the complexities of relationships, especially if past experiences have left you feeling uncertain.

It's also significant that you're reflecting on your interactions and seeking advice from friends, that's an admirable quality to have for sure. Understanding and navigating emotions can be so challenging, and it's okay to feel like you're still figuring things out, trust me, it really is. Your friend's feedback about using too much logic might resonate with you, but something I do want to share is that it's important to find a balance between logic and emotions that feels right for you. How does that sound to you?

Feeling exhausted and needing time away from others is also a valid experience. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and give yourself the space you need to recharge, even if it means taking a break from social interactions for a while. Something I'm curious about and was wondering if have you considered exploring why you feel the need to put others first and prioritize their needs over your own? From past experiences it does help understanding your own needs and boundaries can be a significant step in finding balance and nurturing healthier relationships. Also, do you have any activities or hobbies that help you recharge and feel more grounded during times when you're feeling exhausted from social interactions?

It's okay to take things one step at a time. You're not alone in navigating these feelings, and I'm here to listen whenever you need to talk, so is the rest of the DTL community!