How do you know the difference between wanting a platonic relationship and just a friendship?

[Maizy]

Hi, I'm Maizy and have never been in any sort of relationship. Besides that, I've never really had people I considered to be my friends

In 2022 I met a girl who'm I became friends with. We shared everything with each other and I my mood would immediately change when she entered the room or when she texted me. In no way am I sexually attracted to her, but she is the first person with whom I don't mind if she were to accidentally brush past my arm or if she gave me a hug. When I went of to uni and she stayed in high school I also stopped horse riding, which we did together. She got a boyfriend and I ended up being the only one seeking contact. however every time we have met up since, she looks so happy to see me. All the while, I feel like she kind of abandoned me. We have discussed the matter and she is now trying to text me first as well. 

I respect her relationship and know she is straight, so I would never ask her things about this, but after my dad said that strangers might think the both of us were a couple I started thinking about it. Is it usual with friends that you get overjoyed when they text you and your mood immediately changes for the better if they offer todo something with you. Is it normal that you can tell by the way they breathe or walk in what kind of mood they are?

After reading about platonic relationships that some ace people are (I consider myself to be ace) I kind of think that is what's up, but I feel like it's really hard to know the difference. Anyone have some better insights they want to share?

[Emberfrost12]

3 hours ago, Maizy said:

Hi, I'm Maizy and have never been in any sort of relationship. Besides that, I've never really had people I considered to be my friends

In 2022 I met a girl who'm I became friends with. We shared everything with each other and I my mood would immediately change when she entered the room or when she texted me. In no way am I sexually attracted to her, but she is the first person with whom I don't mind if she were to accidentally brush past my arm or if she gave me a hug. When I went of to uni and she stayed in high school I also stopped horse riding, which we did together. She got a boyfriend and I ended up being the only one seeking contact. however every time we have met up since, she looks so happy to see me. All the while, I feel like she kind of abandoned me. We have discussed the matter and she is now trying to text me first as well. 

I respect her relationship and know she is straight, so I would never ask her things about this, but after my dad said that strangers might think the both of us were a couple I started thinking about it. Is it usual with friends that you get overjoyed when they text you and your mood immediately changes for the better if they offer todo something with you. Is it normal that you can tell by the way they breathe or walk in what kind of mood they are?

After reading about platonic relationships that some ace people are (I consider myself to be ace) I kind of think that is what's up, but I feel like it's really hard to know the difference. Anyone have some better insights they want to share?

Hey Maizy! Welcome to the community :)

The line between romantic and platonic can be a bit blurry sometimes, I agree. Sometimes the difference is just that you declare a relationship romantic. Liking to physically touch can be a big part of it being romantic, but it in no way decides which it is. I personally agree that it's hard to know the difference, which I know isn't helpful for you. However, it's worth keeping in mind - do you need to decide which it is, as long as your needs for that relationship are being met? I'm in a queer platonic relationship with someone, and we basically do all the couple stuff but just aren't *as* touchy as most romantic couples, but it isn't at all a romantic interest. Romantic interest, I find, is generally something you know you're experiencing once it happens, and is otherwise hard to define. I'm pretty sure this wasn't helpful, but it's another perspective 

[TheToaster765]

It is very much normal to feel overjoyed when a friend texts you. Especially if it's a really good friend. I myself have felt exited when a certain friend texts or when I hang out with them. And it is in no way romantic or sexual, just purely platonic. And platonic relationships are a bit different from a regular friend. Such as feeling overjoyed when they text you, or knowing their mood simply by the way they breathe or walk in a room. It's pretty much just a really close friend, compared to a regular friend or an acquaintance. There are obviously differences from a friendship and a platonic relationship. A friendship is based on a mutual affection and companionship, while a platonic relationship has a deeper emotional connection (that's neither romantic nor sexual). Of course this is very much simplified and I would urge you to look more into it.

And also it's important to set boundaries with any sort of relationship, even platonic. But I also understand that it's not always easy with someone where you don't know how they feel entirely. I think communication is honestly the best way to help with something like this and I would urge you to communicate with them.

[opie]

hey maizy! i totally understand your situation bc i feel like im going thru something rlly similar. ig my advice is to talk with her and try to sort stuff out! sometimes direct convos can be very meaningful :)))