I'm confused about my sexuality and don't know how to deal with it.

[LostDreamer]

Hello there,

so I'm new here, am an 18 year old girl from a pretty strict/overprotective/traditional family. I went to an all-girl school and being shy and overweight I never really attract the guys attention in the mixed private tuition I attended which was the only place I was exposed to the opposite gender. My parents are always on my back and super overprotective so I was never allowed sleepovers or going to my friends place and when I wanted to go out with friends I had to answer like 1 million questions about who it was and so on and so forth even if they were girl which made me anxious to do so. So I've never had any experience with guys or girls but for a while now I've been wondering about my sexuality and I'm afraid to try to explore and see which gender I like, especially since where I live is a pretty traditional place where gossip travel fast. Anyway so I was wondering if there would be any way to know my sexuality and am worried for uni since its mixed and I don't know how I'll deal with it with my strict parent.

[Remi]

Hi Lost Dreamer,

 

Welcome to community and thanks so much for sharing that here!

 

It’s hard sometimes when your parents are so overprotective - because I guess they just want the best for you but also it can feel so stifling that you aren’t trusted to make your own decisions.

 

You say you are 18 now and on your way to university? Amazing news, congratulations! I would suggest that university is the perfect time to experiment with your sexuality. Are you staying at home or travelling away for university? Either way, at every university there is an injection of new people that aren’t from the local area and therefore many more people to meet who won’t be involved in any of the ‘small town’ gossip.

 

Do you have any inclination of who you might be attracted to? There is absolutely no rush to figure it all out straight away. So take your time. You may be bisexual, which means you are attracted to both males and females, or pansexual which means that you are attracted to the person regardless of their gender...or maybe another branch on the tree of sexuality. I would suggest just getting to know some new people first and just seeing if any romantic feelings emerge out of there.

 

Now you are 18, you are an adult and so you can start to making decisions that are just for you without your parents. You can still respect your parents and lead your own life. I feel university will be just that for you.

 

I also thought this article might be of use to you!

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-thin...ing-sexuality/

 

 

Good luck!

 

 

-Remi

Edited January 14, 2019 by Remi

[LostDreamer]

Hi Remy,

Well, so far being 18 didn’t do much to help my case since as long as I’m living under their roof; I’ll be subject to their authority (my parent’s words). As for the university, thought I’ll be going to one in a different town, I’ll still be staying at my parents place but still I guess you’re right, it might do me some good to meet new people.

 

As for who I might be attracted to, well, I’m quite confused as I’ve already said but I feel like I wouldn’t mind if it was a woman I was attracted to rather than a man, I think both would be fine but since I’ve never really tried anything, I don’t know for sure.

 

Anyway, thanks for the advice, the website and for taking your time to help.

 

[LostDreamer]

P.S. I'm really really sorry I got your name wrong, i just noticed it.

[Remi]

No problem Lost Dreamer,

 

Keep in touch, I want to hear about how university goes. Have you tried talking to your parents about how you would like a bit more independence from them and that it would really help you excel at university to have a bit of freedom now...just a thought.

 

Are you attracted to any characters in TV or movies that are different genders? You could

 

We're always here if you need us.

 

-Remi

Edited January 18, 2019 by Remi

[LostDreamer]

That's a lost cause, trying to talk about that to my parents. They are just plain paranoid at time, seeing the danger everywhere, which in turn lead to them being way too overprotective.

As for uni, unfortunately I'll have to wait a bit more before attending because it has yet to start.

I have actually felt attracted to a few male actor but sometime, I do find myself admiring some women or certain of their traits be it fictional or real life women. I also feel like I'd really wouldn't mind to give it a go with a woman, just as with a man.

[Remi]

Okay so maybe it's not the right time yet to talk to parents, sorry that they are overprotective - how does it make you feel when they're like that.

 

I find myself admiring fictional women a lot too, haha. Who's your favourite? Is there anyone locally that you would like to ask out? How do your parents feel about you dating?

 

-Remi

[LostDreamer]

When they’re like that I feel so powerless, so weak, like I’m imprison and deprive of the right to have control over my own life.

As for fictional women I admire, well I do like Ellana (a character from one of my favourite books) and then there are actresses like Alexandra Daddario and Scarlett Johansson whom I find quite attractive. In real life, there was a girl I met in the past that I really liked but she already had a girlfriend. Still I’m not sure if it was simple admiration, friendship or something else.

When it comes to my parents view on dating…well… I don’t know. They did warn me however not to become a ‘slut’ or be ‘ruined’ by a boy as soon as I reached a certain age (got a long lecture on that). Still I don’t think they’d disapprove one if they like the person but I feel like that person will have to like me a lot and will need a great deal of patience to deal with them.