Scared for a friend

[Zach Cant Focus]

(We're all high school freshmen)

At lunch today my friend said today that she "wished she was anorexic". I didn't really know how to respond to that but there were 4 of us there and one of them talked to her (there are usually 6 but 2 were still in the lunch line). That conversation went like

Her: "I wish I was anorexic"

Them: "No you don't"

Her: "Well I want to lose weight, how much do you think I weigh?"

T: "[x]"

H: "No, [x+15]"

T: "You're still healthy though"

H: "Google says I'm overweight"

T: "You're taller than average, that's why"

That's kinda where it ended. Im a little concerned about her wellbeing now. I guess what I'm asking is what to do about it/what to say if she says it again. I'm not going to tell a counselor or anything because when I was reported to a counselor they didn't do anything except piss me off, waste my time, and made me kinda hate the friend I suggested of reporting me. They didn't actually help, so I'm not going to do that to her.

[Duckie]

17 hours ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

(We're all high school freshmen)

At lunch today my friend said today that she "wished she was anorexic". I didn't really know how to respond to that but there were 4 of us there and one of them talked to her (there are usually 6 but 2 were still in the lunch line). That conversation went like

Her: "I wish I was anorexic"

Them: "No you don't"

Her: "Well I want to lose weight, how much do you think I weigh?"

T: "[x]"

H: "No, [x+15]"

T: "You're still healthy though"

H: "Google says I'm overweight"

T: "You're taller than average, that's why"

That's kinda where it ended. Im a little concerned about her wellbeing now. I guess what I'm asking is what to do about it/what to say if she says it again. I'm not going to tell a counselor or anything because when I was reported to a counselor they didn't do anything except piss me off, waste my time, and made me kinda hate the friend I suggested of reporting me. They didn't actually help, so I'm not going to do that to her.

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

You are such a good friend for flagging this and for asking for advice on this. There is definitely a difference between saying you wish you weighed a little bit less and saying they straight up wished they would be anorexic. However both can be very concerning, as it is a way of normalizing weight gain. I think you and your friends have all done the right thing reassuring her. It might also be worth pointing out that some of the best athletes in the world are "obese" according to Google. Because the algorithm that calculates BMI is incredibly flawed and doesn't take things like muscles or strong bones into account, so it is literally the most general calculation in the world, and not meant to cause self-esteem issues. It might be worth asking her how she thinks her life would change if she weighed less. Chances are she will either not have a clear idea in mind - and this in itself can be quite eye opening. Say "If you woke up tomorrow weighing Y, what would you do and how would you feel?". If your friend says she reckons she'll feel happier with herself, this is usually far from the case. Because weight can become an obsession so easily and it doesn't mean that people that are anorexic feel better about themselves.

I actually used to be anorexic myself. It gave me a bit of a high and a false sense of control to lose the first kilos - and people commenting I looked "better" certainly didn't help (don't get me started on how toxic it is to normalize weight loss...). But that wore off quickly and reaching your "goal weight" or whatever means nothing when you find yourself still feeling crap and thinking "if I lose more - then I'll feel better". And then the compliments are exchanged for concern - leading to shame and guilt and a spiral of using restricted eating as a weird way to create a false sense of control. You are doing the right thing for reacting to her comments and you really are a good friend.

[Zach Cant Focus]

6 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

You are such a good friend for flagging this and for asking for advice on this. There is definitely a difference between saying you wish you weighed a little bit less and saying they straight up wished they would be anorexic. However both can be very concerning, as it is a way of normalizing weight gain. I think you and your friends have all done the right thing reassuring her. It might also be worth pointing out that some of the best athletes in the world are "obese" according to Google. Because the algorithm that calculates BMI is incredibly flawed and doesn't take things like muscles or strong bones into account, so it is literally the most general calculation in the world, and not meant to cause self-esteem issues. It might be worth asking her how she thinks her life would change if she weighed less. Chances are she will either not have a clear idea in mind - and this in itself can be quite eye opening. Say "If you woke up tomorrow weighing Y, what would you do and how would you feel?". If your friend says she reckons she'll feel happier with herself, this is usually far from the case. Because weight can become an obsession so easily and it doesn't mean that people that are anorexic feel better about themselves.

I actually used to be anorexic myself. It gave me a bit of a high and a false sense of control to lose the first kilos - and people commenting I looked "better" certainly didn't help (don't get me started on how toxic it is to normalize weight loss...). But that wore off quickly and reaching your "goal weight" or whatever means nothing when you find yourself still feeling crap and thinking "if I lose more - then I'll feel better". And then the compliments are exchanged for concern - leading to shame and guilt and a spiral of using restricted eating as a weird way to create a false sense of control. You are doing the right thing for reacting to her comments and you really are a good friend.

Okay thank you :)

[Duckie]

15 hours ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

Okay thank you :)

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

Please keep us updated on how your friend is doing and whether you need more advice from us on this. You are always welcome to ask any questions you might have or voice any concerns