I'm not cis—coming out

[TheToaster765]

Turns out, I'm not entirely a cisgendered guy. I know I'm not a woman, and non-binary doesn't entirely fit right either. But I don't feel 100% like a guy. I feel more like 65% guy, and 35% non-binary if that makes sense. So I guess that kind of means I'm a demiboy. Yesterday was the first time I actually said to myself that I was a demiboy. I actually came out to my friend before I came out to myself entirely. I was just sort of in denial of it. I felt nervous the entire time and my heart was beating hard. I know I'm a demiboy, and I know my friend would accept me, but coming out is always a hard thing to do in any situation. For a lot of my childhood, I was always trying to be somewhat hypermasculine. Not because I FELT masculine necessarily, but because I felt like I NEEDED to be masculine in order to fit in. But as I got older, I sort of came to terms with my actual identity and realized that I should just be myself and not worry about being masculine. For a while, I never really thought about my gender, but recently I started wondering if I'm really a man. And I felt a little more drawn towards non-binary. I didn't really care about what pronouns people used for me, and sometimes I felt like I didn't entirely fit in the binary. But I still don't feel like non-binary fits me either. That's why I decided to come to terms with my identity and I realized that I fit more towards being a demiboy rather than being entirely a guy, or entirely being non-binary (at one point I even thought I was agender). I do often suffer from imposter syndrome so I never really know my gender or even sexuality, but I feel like demiboy just fits my identity the best. For a while now, my pronouns have kinda been He/Him/Any and I feel like that sort of encapsulates my identity as a whole so I don't plan on changing those. Also I have like 10 different names I go by so I don't feel the need to change my name. I do plan on coming out to other friends obviously, but not any family members for reasons I won't get into.

I know this is a bit of a ramble post, but I kinda wanted to get this off of my chest and sort of solidify my identity.