The fear that I won’t have a partner/partners

[sammyboy]

Hello there. I’ve been on the platform for a while sharing about my inner thoughts and fears. For the past 12 hours, I’ve found myself facing an emotion fear I know too well. That is that I fear I won’t be with a girl that I am attracted to.  
 

The past few weeks have been eye opening. I’ve come to challenge myself and recognize why I was seeking sex and wanting to have tons of sexual partners was because I wanted to feel validated externally for who I am as an achievement. Unfortunately, I didn’t end up with that validation nor had any partners except 1-2. I came to recognize that I can enjoy life without needing someone there and there’s nothing no one can do and say to mess with that. 

I also want to note that dating is hard for me. I tried dating apps multiple times but I always ended up with ghost likes and no matches. Literally. I tried cold approaching but that led to ghosting and rude behavior. And with my current situatio living with my parents in a suburban, I can’t seem to find a place to meet a girl to date unless I go to the city and I’m trying to find a job to live in the city and work. Everything is just against me and it is hurting me while I bear through it.
 

While I manage the isolation from dating and not meeting expectations, it appears a new burden has come in that I cannot avoid, which involve my new friends that I have that tend to be dating focused. One guy who has a girlfriend of 1 year has been constantly asking me about dating and I’ve told him my situation that I’m isolated and dating apps don’t work. He then started talking about a girl his girlfriend knows. Well, first off, I know my type and I don’t want to be with her.  Secondly, he appears to be focused on making couple friends so him and his girlfriend can go on group dates which I understand but I can’t currently do that for him. He’s over invested and it bothers me more than it should. 
 

I don’t know what to do. I am trying to fight in myself that I am fine but a part of me acknowledges that doing this is like putting myself in a false illusion. The aspect of time only complicates this feeling thinking I’ll be an old waste (I’m 24) soon. I seriously have no idea what to do. 
 

If I try, I come off as awkward and desperate. If I don’t, then I hate myself for a while for not giving effort despite knowing the feeling I get. If I’m at home, I hate myself for wasting time at home. If I’m outside and there’s no girls or anyone, I hate myself for even putting that effort. My parents hate that I drive anywhere too and that is also a bother because they think I waste my time all the time and should just commit to their religion and crap. I’m stuck and I can’t get the hell out of it. 

[catgal05]

Sorry you feel like this

[Luie]

On 11/21/2023 at 10:20 AM, sammyboy said:

Hello there. I’ve been on the platform for a while sharing about my inner thoughts and fears. For the past 12 hours, I’ve found myself facing an emotion fear I know too well. That is that I fear I won’t be with a girl that I am attracted to.  
 

The past few weeks have been eye opening. I’ve come to challenge myself and recognize why I was seeking sex and wanting to have tons of sexual partners was because I wanted to feel validated externally for who I am as an achievement. Unfortunately, I didn’t end up with that validation nor had any partners except 1-2. I came to recognize that I can enjoy life without needing someone there and there’s nothing no one can do and say to mess with that. 

I also want to note that dating is hard for me. I tried dating apps multiple times but I always ended up with ghost likes and no matches. Literally. I tried cold approaching but that led to ghosting and rude behavior. And with my current situatio living with my parents in a suburban, I can’t seem to find a place to meet a girl to date unless I go to the city and I’m trying to find a job to live in the city and work. Everything is just against me and it is hurting me while I bear through it.
 

While I manage the isolation from dating and not meeting expectations, it appears a new burden has come in that I cannot avoid, which involve my new friends that I have that tend to be dating focused. One guy who has a girlfriend of 1 year has been constantly asking me about dating and I’ve told him my situation that I’m isolated and dating apps don’t work. He then started talking about a girl his girlfriend knows. Well, first off, I know my type and I don’t want to be with her.  Secondly, he appears to be focused on making couple friends so him and his girlfriend can go on group dates which I understand but I can’t currently do that for him. He’s over invested and it bothers me more than it should. 
 

I don’t know what to do. I am trying to fight in myself that I am fine but a part of me acknowledges that doing this is like putting myself in a false illusion. The aspect of time only complicates this feeling thinking I’ll be an old waste (I’m 24) soon. I seriously have no idea what to do. 
 

If I try, I come off as awkward and desperate. If I don’t, then I hate myself for a while for not giving effort despite knowing the feeling I get. If I’m at home, I hate myself for wasting time at home. If I’m outside and there’s no girls or anyone, I hate myself for even putting that effort. My parents hate that I drive anywhere too and that is also a bother because they think I waste my time all the time and should just commit to their religion and crap. I’m stuck and I can’t get the hell out of it. 

Heyy @sammyboy,  I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now, I know  It takes a lot of courage to open up about your inner thoughts and fears, and I appreciate your honesty. It sounds like you've been on a journey of self-discovery, realizing the importance of internal validation and finding enjoyment in life independently. That's a significant realization, and I commend you for that.

Dealing with dating challenges, especially in the current living situation, can be incredibly frustrating. The external pressures from friends and the added expectations can make it even more overwhelming. It's okay to feel stuck, and it's okay to acknowledge the difficulties you're facing. I'm curious to know more about your interests and passions. Sometimes, focusing on what brings you joy and fulfillment outside of the dating realm can help shift the perspective and provide a sense of purpose. Have you found any activities or hobbies that bring you genuine happiness and satisfaction?

Also, in dealing with the pressure from your friend who seems over-invested in your dating life, have you considered having an open and honest conversation with him about your current situation and how his expectations are affecting you?