Persephone44 Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 Okay, so I found out my dad relapsed again, drinking, and he doesn't want his parents to find out. He never does. He doesn't know I know yet, that he is drinking. And I have a flip phone. It's like a real flip phone and I'm going into high school soon and want a real phone. Should I ask my dad? Like, if you don't at least discuss me having a real phone I will tell Grandma and Grandpa you are drinking again. I don't know, is that blackmail? What would you do? Im leaving some stuff out so... MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgal05 Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 This post was recognized by Luie! catgal05 was awarded the badge 'Great Advice' Hi , I'm catgal Sorry you are going through this it must very difficult for you right now. Don't know if my advice would be good. I think someone should know as it is for the best. But hopefully he can realise himself As you shouldn't have to take all this on. maybe you could and try to talk to him by saying dad you need help please we need to tell someone , As it's not fair! but then i wouldn't want you to get hurt either if he maybe ends up getting aggressive. But he does need to get help I hope he can see for himself that's not fair for you. I wouldn't bring up the phone subject right now but hopefully if he can get that help and he's calmed down. Ask about it then? Or if you have savings you could buy one 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted November 20, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 20, 2023 8 hours ago, Persephone44 said: Okay, so I found out my dad relapsed again, drinking, and he doesn't want his parents to find out. He never does. He doesn't know I know yet, that he is drinking. And I have a flip phone. It's like a real flip phone and I'm going into high school soon and want a real phone. Should I ask my dad? Like, if you don't at least discuss me having a real phone I will tell Grandma and Grandpa you are drinking again. I don't know, is that blackmail? What would you do? Im leaving some stuff out so... Heyy @Persephone44, Luie here, one of the support mentors. I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging situation with your dad. It must be tough to find out about his relapse, and I appreciate you reaching out for support. Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and concerns about your dad's well-being. It sounds like you care about him and are worried about his drinking. It can be overwhelming to deal with such situations, especially at your age. How are you coping with everything? As for your desire for a real phone, that's a completely valid and normal wish as you're heading into high school. However, before approaching your dad about it, consider the best way to have a conversation with him. It might be helpful to express your feelings about wanting a phone without directly linking it to his drinking issue initially, it could perhaps be a trigger and I don't want you in any harms way. In terms of your concerns about telling your grandparents, it's understandable that you might be feeling conflicted. Rather than framing it as blackmail, you could approach it from a place of genuine concern for your dad's health and well-being. Let him know that you're aware of his struggles and that you want to support him. Encouraging open communication can sometimes be more effective than using ultimatums. How does this sound to you? That being said, your safety and well-being is a priority. So I want to check with you whether you are currently safe around your dad and also, has there been any history of harm in any form because of his drinking towards you or anyone else? Btw, I fully acknowledge the sensitive nature of this topic and I'd understand if you'd want more 1-1 support, please do feel free to message on confidential support. 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted November 20, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 20, 2023 16 minutes ago, catgal05 said: Hi , I'm catgal Sorry you are going through this it must very difficult for you right now. Don't know if my advice would be good. I think someone should know as it is for the best. But hopefully he can realise himself As you shouldn't have to take all this on. maybe you could and try to talk to him by saying dad you need help please we need to tell someone , As it's not fair! but then i wouldn't want you to get hurt either if he maybe ends up getting aggressive. But he does need to get help I hope he can see for himself that's not fair for you. I wouldn't bring up the phone subject right now but hopefully if he can get that help and he's calmed down. Ask about it then? Or if you have savings you could buy one Just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your compassionate and thoughtful support @catgal05r. Your words are filled with empathy and genuine concern, and it's evident that you care deeply about the well-being of others. Your kindness and willingness to help create a supportive community, and for that, we're truly grateful 1 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgal05 Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 11 minutes ago, Luie said: Just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your compassionate and thoughtful support @catgal05r. Your words are filled with empathy and genuine concern, and it's evident that you care deeply about the well-being of others. Your kindness and willingness to help create a supportive community, and for that, we're truly grateful Aww, thanks so much Luie MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Persephone44 Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 2 hours ago, Luie said: Heyy @Persephone44, Luie here, one of the support mentors. I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging situation with your dad. It must be tough to find out about his relapse, and I appreciate you reaching out for support. Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and concerns about your dad's well-being. It sounds like you care about him and are worried about his drinking. It can be overwhelming to deal with such situations, especially at your age. How are you coping with everything? As for your desire for a real phone, that's a completely valid and normal wish as you're heading into high school. However, before approaching your dad about it, consider the best way to have a conversation with him. It might be helpful to express your feelings about wanting a phone without directly linking it to his drinking issue initially, it could perhaps be a trigger and I don't want you in any harms way. In terms of your concerns about telling your grandparents, it's understandable that you might be feeling conflicted. Rather than framing it as blackmail, you could approach it from a place of genuine concern for your dad's health and well-being. Let him know that you're aware of his struggles and that you want to support him. Encouraging open communication can sometimes be more effective than using ultimatums. How does this sound to you? That being said, your safety and well-being is a priority. So I want to check with you whether you are currently safe around your dad and also, has there been any history of harm in any form because of his drinking towards you or anyone else? Btw, I fully acknowledge the sensitive nature of this topic and I'd understand if you'd want more 1-1 support, please do feel free to message on confidential support. Yeah, coping has never really been the easiest way to deal with it, more of a forgive-and-forget type of deal. That sounds like a perfect plan. Sometimes I can get ahead of myself, so thank you. No, he has never meant to harm anyone else and has never harmed me, emotionally maybe, but not physically No that's alright. I'm used to everything being out in the open, but ty MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Persephone44 Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 2 hours ago, catgal05 said: Hi , I'm catgal Sorry you are going through this it must very difficult for you right now. Don't know if my advice would be good. I think someone should know as it is for the best. But hopefully he can realise himself As you shouldn't have to take all this on. maybe you could and try to talk to him by saying dad you need help please we need to tell someone , As it's not fair! but then i wouldn't want you to get hurt either if he maybe ends up getting aggressive. But he does need to get help I hope he can see for himself that's not fair for you. I wouldn't bring up the phone subject right now but hopefully if he can get that help and he's calmed down. Ask about it then? Or if you have savings you could buy one Thank you so much, your words mean a lot to me. Right now my first step is talking to him, he goes to support groups such as AA or Alcoholics Anonymous, and other non-profit support groups, but it has been harder because now he works two jobs. As for being aggressive, he is not an aggressive drunk and I'm more worried about his health than me getting hurt. I think I will bring it up but after everything is laid out I have an idea of a healthier way to do it. one that won't strain our relationship. 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgal05 Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 1 hour ago, Persephone44 said: Thank you so much, your words mean a lot to me. Right now my first step is talking to him, he goes to support groups such as AA or Alcoholics Anonymous, and other non-profit support groups, but it has been harder because now he works two jobs. As for being aggressive, he is not an aggressive drunk and I'm more worried about his health than me getting hurt. I think I will bring it up but after everything is laid out I have an idea of a healthier way to do it. one that won't strain our relationship. No problems :) Aw I'm glad he doesn't get aggressive towards you , hope he gets the support he needs. 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 13 hours ago, Persephone44 said: Okay, so I found out my dad relapsed again, drinking, and he doesn't want his parents to find out. He never does. He doesn't know I know yet, that he is drinking. And I have a flip phone. It's like a real flip phone and I'm going into high school soon and want a real phone. Should I ask my dad? Like, if you don't at least discuss me having a real phone I will tell Grandma and Grandpa you are drinking again. I don't know, is that blackmail? What would you do? Im leaving some stuff out so... Yeah, I'd definitely not use that as blackmail. It'll add to the shame he's undoubtedly feeling already and could make it worse. I'd say just talk to him about these things separately, and try to have a bit of sympathy with his relapse MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgal05 Posted November 28, 2023 Share Posted November 28, 2023 Hey @Persephone Hows are you doing? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Persephone44 Posted November 29, 2023 Author Share Posted November 29, 2023 On 11/28/2023 at 2:18 AM, catgal05 said: Hey @Persephone Hows are you doing? Im okay, Its been tiring lately, dealing with everything. Thanks for checking in. How are you doing? 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgal05 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 1 hour ago, Persephone44 said: Im okay, Its been tiring lately, dealing with everything. Thanks for checking in. How are you doing? Ah , I get you hugs no problems Im sort of ok MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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