2 problems regarding my birthday :)

[Madeleine_357]

OK so it's my birthday next week, right? My mom is going to want to know what I want for my birthday. Well I just want books, which I can either get with a gift card my extended family will probably give me and whatever. I'll just say I want books for my birthday. My mom and dad will want to get me something, and I wanna ask for something I've wanted for a while now, I just feel guilty even thinking about asking for it. I wanna ask for the air max 270's, (google it if you don't know what they are). That would be like the only thing I would ask for from my parents. But, I feel guilty about even thinking about asking for it. It would be like $150 from foot locker and I always feel guilty whenever my parents spend a lot of money on me. 

I feel selfish even thinking of asking for those, and I honestly can't even say why. My mom also wants to know what I wanna do with my friends for my birthday and I really only wanna have my friends over to my house so we can just like watch movies or something. I don't wanna make my parents spend a whole bunch of money on a party when my friends and I can entertain ourselves, and all we really need is food.

Which brings me to my next problem. I have a big friend group, and we're all close. This group consists of 8 people including me. One of my besties is a year younger, and I have another close friend I don't wanna exclude, and she's not in the friend group. thats 10 people including me, and 9 people not including me. I wanna invite 9 people to whatever I'm going to do for my birthday. One of my friends is always busy so there;s a high chance she won;t be able to come anyways, but I don't wanna just not invite her bec i don;t think she;d be able to come. I feel like by not inviting all 9 friends I would be excluding some people, but Idk if I'd be able to have all 9 people over for my birthday. I might be able to, I haven't quite discussed things with my mom yet.

Idk what I'm supposed to do for either problem. My one friend tells me I'm not being spoiled or selfish if I ask for the shoes, but idk what to think. I've never liked asking my parents for things.

[TinyDinos]

Happy early birthday <3
 

As someone who doesn’t like people spending a bunch of money on them either, I’d probably suggest this: how much would you be willing to spend on a gift for them? If they asked for the shoes and you could afford them would you be upset with them for asking? The answer is probably no, and you’d totally be willing to get them something they’d love and use. And it’s the only thing you’re really asking for, so it’s not like you’re asking for the entirety of foot locker y’know? Plus, if you’re wanting an at-home party then they’re not spending to go out or anything, so just look at it like the money they would spend on going out can be instead used to pay for your shoes :)

that’s what I wound up doing last year, my dad surprised me with an iPad and my mom surprised me with broadway tickets (divorced parents so not a shared income they were both separate). I felt really bad because of how expensive both are, and both of them reassured me that because I didn’t want a sweet 16 or a big party, they spent what they would’ve spent otherwise on a more expensive gift. That helped me just enjoy it without worrying about the price tag. I enjoyed the shows to the fullest and only got a souvenir I knew I would use all of the time (lion king hoodie, and it’s my favorite piece of clothing I own), and I use my iPad everyday for art and school, that way I know their money was spent well and I’m not wasting it. I hope this helps a bit <3

as far as the second issue goes I’m afraid I can’t be of much help :( I don’t have any friends so this was never something I’ve experienced before but I wish you the best of luck in finding a solution to that

[Madeleine_357]

8 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Happy early birthday <3
 

As someone who doesn’t like people spending a bunch of money on them either, I’d probably suggest this: how much would you be willing to spend on a gift for them? If they asked for the shoes and you could afford them would you be upset with them for asking? The answer is probably no, and you’d totally be willing to get them something they’d love and use. And it’s the only thing you’re really asking for, so it’s not like you’re asking for the entirety of foot locker y’know? Plus, if you’re wanting an at-home party then they’re not spending to go out or anything, so just look at it like the money they would spend on going out can be instead used to pay for your shoes :)

that’s what I wound up doing last year, my dad surprised me with an iPad and my mom surprised me with broadway tickets (divorced parents so not a shared income they were both separate). I felt really bad because of how expensive both are, and both of them reassured me that because I didn’t want a sweet 16 or a big party, they spent what they would’ve spent otherwise on a more expensive gift. That helped me just enjoy it without worrying about the price tag. I enjoyed the shows to the fullest and only got a souvenir I knew I would use all of the time (lion king hoodie, and it’s my favorite piece of clothing I own), and I use my iPad everyday for art and school, that way I know their money was spent well and I’m not wasting it. I hope this helps a bit <3

as far as the second issue goes I’m afraid I can’t be of much help :( I don’t have any friends so this was never something I’ve experienced before but I wish you the best of luck in finding a solution to that

Thank you. I will definitely think it through more, and thanks for the luck in finding a solution to the second problem 

[Duckie]

On 9/26/2023 at 10:17 PM, Madeleine_357 said:

OK so it's my birthday next week, right? My mom is going to want to know what I want for my birthday. Well I just want books, which I can either get with a gift card my extended family will probably give me and whatever. I'll just say I want books for my birthday. My mom and dad will want to get me something, and I wanna ask for something I've wanted for a while now, I just feel guilty even thinking about asking for it. I wanna ask for the air max 270's, (google it if you don't know what they are). That would be like the only thing I would ask for from my parents. But, I feel guilty about even thinking about asking for it. It would be like $150 from foot locker and I always feel guilty whenever my parents spend a lot of money on me. 

I feel selfish even thinking of asking for those, and I honestly can't even say why. My mom also wants to know what I wanna do with my friends for my birthday and I really only wanna have my friends over to my house so we can just like watch movies or something. I don't wanna make my parents spend a whole bunch of money on a party when my friends and I can entertain ourselves, and all we really need is food.

Which brings me to my next problem. I have a big friend group, and we're all close. This group consists of 8 people including me. One of my besties is a year younger, and I have another close friend I don't wanna exclude, and she's not in the friend group. thats 10 people including me, and 9 people not including me. I wanna invite 9 people to whatever I'm going to do for my birthday. One of my friends is always busy so there;s a high chance she won;t be able to come anyways, but I don't wanna just not invite her bec i don;t think she;d be able to come. I feel like by not inviting all 9 friends I would be excluding some people, but Idk if I'd be able to have all 9 people over for my birthday. I might be able to, I haven't quite discussed things with my mom yet.

Idk what I'm supposed to do for either problem. My one friend tells me I'm not being spoiled or selfish if I ask for the shoes, but idk what to think. I've never liked asking my parents for things.

Hi @Madeleine_357,

How are you doing? How was you birthday celebration?

I think it is very mindful of you to be aware of the costs surrounding a birthday. It is OK to ask for things and to just see what happens sometimes. Remember that if it's a big gift, extended family members might want to help purchase the expensive gifts you want. That way it won't be a big strain on your parents and other family members might like the idea of contributing to a bigger gift - something you really want. Do you think you would feel more comfortable asking for things if you could also suggest splitting the cost between family members?

[Madeleine_357]

10 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Madeleine_357,

How are you doing? How was you birthday celebration?

I think it is very mindful of you to be aware of the costs surrounding a birthday. It is OK to ask for things and to just see what happens sometimes. Remember that if it's a big gift, extended family members might want to help purchase the expensive gifts you want. That way it won't be a big strain on your parents and other family members might like the idea of contributing to a bigger gift - something you really want. Do you think you would feel more comfortable asking for things if you could also suggest splitting the cost between family members?

Hi! So um I got the shoes yesterday and unfortunately they were $230. And my mom refused to let me give her some money for them. I was going to give her some past birthday money. $70. And she would not take it. My dad asked me this morning how much they were and I said I didn't know because I didn't want to tell him they were over $200. I did tell him my mom won't take my money though. I don't know how he'll react when he finds out they were over $200.

[Duckie]

11 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Hi! So um I got the shoes yesterday and unfortunately they were $230. And my mom refused to let me give her some money for them. I was going to give her some past birthday money. $70. And she would not take it. My dad asked me this morning how much they were and I said I didn't know because I didn't want to tell him they were over $200. I did tell him my mom won't take my money though. I don't know how he'll react when he finds out they were over $200.

Hi @Madeleine_357,

I am wondering whether your mom may have done a collection of some sort where a lot more family members may have contributed to the cost of these shoes. Do you think that's a possibility? It sounds to me like you feel quite responsible for your family's economy. Is that fair to say? Is this something you are overall worried about or is it more that you feel uncomfortable getting expensive things?

I can tell that you really care so much about your family. Have you spoken to your mom about how you feel uncomfortable about how expensive the shoes were? I know that you are very grateful for them and all, but it might make you feel better to check in with your mom about how the shoes were financed. It might be that your mom and dad have been saving up to get you these for a long time because it's something they really want to give you. As a mother myself this is something I have sometimes done just to see my girl's eyes light up with wonder and amazement. What do you think?

[Madeleine_357]

14 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Madeleine_357,

I am wondering whether your mom may have done a collection of some sort where a lot more family members may have contributed to the cost of these shoes. Do you think that's a possibility? It sounds to me like you feel quite responsible for your family's economy. Is that fair to say? Is this something you are overall worried about or is it more that you feel uncomfortable getting expensive things?

I can tell that you really care so much about your family. Have you spoken to your mom about how you feel uncomfortable about how expensive the shoes were? I know that you are very grateful for them and all, but it might make you feel better to check in with your mom about how the shoes were financed. It might be that your mom and dad have been saving up to get you these for a long time because it's something they really want to give you. As a mother myself this is something I have sometimes done just to see my girl's eyes light up with wonder and amazement. What do you think?

Honestly I don't know if my mom would have wanted to split the cost with my other family members. I'm also thinking I'm just going to leave the money in her room somewhere. And I mean I'm consciously aware of the families finances if that's what you mean. I don't want my parents wasting a whole bunch of money on my siblings and I. We're not rich, and not like in poverty either. And to be fair, I don't actually know the state of my parents financially. My parents both being teachers, in theory make a fair amount of money, so I don't really have anything to be stressing about. And I mean I just like feel guilty for some strange reason whenever people spend any money on me at all. Even if it's like $20. It just gets worse the more expensive the thing is.

[Duckie]

On 10/7/2023 at 12:54 AM, Madeleine_357 said:

Honestly I don't know if my mom would have wanted to split the cost with my other family members. I'm also thinking I'm just going to leave the money in her room somewhere. And I mean I'm consciously aware of the families finances if that's what you mean. I don't want my parents wasting a whole bunch of money on my siblings and I. We're not rich, and not like in poverty either. And to be fair, I don't actually know the state of my parents financially. My parents both being teachers, in theory make a fair amount of money, so I don't really have anything to be stressing about. And I mean I just like feel guilty for some strange reason whenever people spend any money on me at all. Even if it's like $20. It just gets worse the more expensive the thing is.

Hi @Madeleine_357,

How are you doing? Did you end up leaving money in her room? If so, what happened afterwards?

I think it's good that you are aware of your family's financial situation. It shows great maturity and responsibility from you. It might be that they are in a good place to give you these shoes and I am suggesting talking to them about how getting these expensive shoes made you feel. Would you be up for doing that? 

It sounds like you might overall struggle with people showing generosity towards you. Why do you think this is?