Guy

[naty]

 

So this guy and I have been living in close proximity for about 2 years. We see each other in passing every now and then and exchange greetings. One day he asks me for my number, and I was very upfront about not wanting a relationship because I'm unfit, and that we can see if we can build a friendship.  

He agreed and we exchanged numbers. 

We spoke via text (not a phone caller type of person) for around a week straight...during that time he asked me to be in a relationship numerous times, in which I declined each time. 

I explained to him that we're strangers who have exchanged greetings a few times, and asked him why he wants to rush.. he never answered that question. 

When we first started communicating via telephone, he told me that he liked me a lot and that he wanted to be there for me and support me in any way that he could.  That he liked talking to me and wanted to continue. 

The last time I told him no, and asked him what's wrong with being friends... was 3 days ago. 

I'm assuming that he got mad and blocked me or is ignoring me..since he never replied.

Was he genuinely interested and just felt defeated  because perhaps he had worked up a lot of gumption to finally ask someone out that he really liked and is now disappointed and deflated? 

Or is he just a desperately eager and lonely person with low self esteem who doesn't know his worth just willing to settle for anyone??

(He did say that he is single, lives alone,  lonely, and has nobody)

Or was he just trying to use me to make someone else jealous enough to come back to him and be with him? 

Perhaps the one who he really wants has somebody now, and he decided to get someone too? Maybe it's a tit for tat thing with them?? Maybe playing games.

Perhaps he saw me as a downtrodden spinster eager desperate and easy to manipulate??

(He did ask me for a picture of myself)

We're those red flags, or did he just genuinely see me as a nice person and wanted to lock in before anyone else did???

I really feel hurt sad  and depressed now.  I really did grow fond of him and developed a crush on him over the years...and I always hoped he would  befriend me...

I am crushed, and keep constantly checking my phone hoping that he'd reach out to me...

Should I ignore him now if I see him in passing,  or just wave and don't stop??

 

[Luie]

Heyy @naty,  I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I see that you're new to our platform and I wanted to say a massive welcome! Super awesome having you join our community. You can start conversations like this or even join other topics on the forums option. We also offer one to one support if you'd prefer that, if you click on 'Confidential Support' in the top bar next to blogs, you can send a request and one of the support mentors will get back to you. 

 

[Luie]

5 hours ago, naty said:

So this guy and I have been living in close proximity for about 2 years. We see each other in passing every now and then and exchange greetings. One day he asks me for my number, and I was very upfront about not wanting a relationship because I'm unfit, and that we can see if we can build a friendship.  

He agreed and we exchanged numbers. 

We spoke via text (not a phone caller type of person) for around a week straight...during that time he asked me to be in a relationship numerous times, in which I declined each time. 

I explained to him that we're strangers who have exchanged greetings a few times, and asked him why he wants to rush.. he never answered that question. 

When we first started communicating via telephone, he told me that he liked me a lot and that he wanted to be there for me and support me in any way that he could.  That he liked talking to me and wanted to continue. 

The last time I told him no, and asked him what's wrong with being friends... was 3 days ago. 

I'm assuming that he got mad and blocked me or is ignoring me..since he never replied.

Was he genuinely interested and just felt defeated  because perhaps he had worked up a lot of gumption to finally ask someone out that he really liked and is now disappointed and deflated? 

Or is he just a desperately eager and lonely person with low self esteem who doesn't know his worth just willing to settle for anyone??

(He did say that he is single, lives alone,  lonely, and has nobody)

Or was he just trying to use me to make someone else jealous enough to come back to him and be with him? 

Perhaps the one who he really wants has somebody now, and he decided to get someone too? Maybe it's a tit for tat thing with them?? Maybe playing games.

Perhaps he saw me as a downtrodden spinster eager desperate and easy to manipulate??

(He did ask me for a picture of myself)

We're those red flags, or did he just genuinely see me as a nice person and wanted to lock in before anyone else did???

I really feel hurt sad  and depressed now.  I really did grow fond of him and developed a crush on him over the years...and I always hoped he would  befriend me...

I am crushed, and keep constantly checking my phone hoping that he'd reach out to me...

Should I ignore him now if I see him in passing,  or just wave and don't stop??

 

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough situation @naty. It sounds like you've been handling this with a lot of patience and thoughtfulness. It's perfectly normal to have a mix of emotions in a situation like this. Let's try to unpack some of the possibilities you've mentioned.

It's hard to know exactly what was going on in his mind, but there are a few potential scenarios. It's possible that he was genuinely interested in you and just didn't handle the situation well, perhaps due to nerves or inexperience. His eagerness might have led him to push for a relationship too quickly, which can be overwhelming. On the other hand, it's also possible that he was feeling lonely and saw an opportunity for companionship. Loneliness can sometimes cloud a person's judgment, making them act in ways they might not otherwise. As for the idea of him trying to make someone else jealous, that's a possibility, but it's hard to say for sure without more information. What do you think?

In any case, your feelings are valid, and it's completely understandable that you're hurt and disappointed. It's clear that you were hoping for a genuine friendship to develop, and it can be painful when things don't turn out as expected. Regarding how to handle future interactions with him, that's ultimately up to you and what makes you feel comfortable. If you see him in passing, you can decide in the moment whether you want to wave and acknowledge him or simply continue on your way. I was wondering how are you currently coping with the hurt and disappointment you're feeling? 

I do want to remind you that you deserve to be in a relationship or friendship that feels right for you and respects your boundaries. It's okay to take some time for self-care and reflection as you navigate these emotions. Here for you. 

 

[omni]

On 9/24/2023 at 7:51 PM, naty said:

So this guy and I have been living in close proximity for about 2 years. We see each other in passing every now and then and exchange greetings. One day he asks me for my number, and I was very upfront about not wanting a relationship because I'm unfit, and that we can see if we can build a friendship.  

He agreed and we exchanged numbers. 

We spoke via text (not a phone caller type of person) for around a week straight...during that time he asked me to be in a relationship numerous times, in which I declined each time. 

I explained to him that we're strangers who have exchanged greetings a few times, and asked him why he wants to rush.. he never answered that question. 

When we first started communicating via telephone, he told me that he liked me a lot and that he wanted to be there for me and support me in any way that he could.  That he liked talking to me and wanted to continue. 

The last time I told him no, and asked him what's wrong with being friends... was 3 days ago. 

I'm assuming that he got mad and blocked me or is ignoring me..since he never replied.

Was he genuinely interested and just felt defeated  because perhaps he had worked up a lot of gumption to finally ask someone out that he really liked and is now disappointed and deflated? 

Or is he just a desperately eager and lonely person with low self esteem who doesn't know his worth just willing to settle for anyone??

(He did say that he is single, lives alone,  lonely, and has nobody)

Or was he just trying to use me to make someone else jealous enough to come back to him and be with him? 

Perhaps the one who he really wants has somebody now, and he decided to get someone too? Maybe it's a tit for tat thing with them?? Maybe playing games.

Perhaps he saw me as a downtrodden spinster eager desperate and easy to manipulate??

(He did ask me for a picture of myself)

We're those red flags, or did he just genuinely see me as a nice person and wanted to lock in before anyone else did???

I really feel hurt sad  and depressed now.  I really did grow fond of him and developed a crush on him over the years...and I always hoped he would  befriend me...

I am crushed, and keep constantly checking my phone hoping that he'd reach out to me...

Should I ignore him now if I see him in passing,  or just wave and don't stop??

wave first and if he doesnt wave back ignore him

[Luie]

Heyy @naty, just checking in, been a while since I heard from you. How are things going?