Girlfriend troubles

[lesboMar]

(TW: EDs & SH MENTIONED AT THE END OF THE POST)

Hello everyone! I have absolutely no idea how to go about this post since this is my first time making a post here, but here we go. I really have to just get this off of my chest. I'll go by Moss here. I am a lesbian to make that clear. I have been in a relationship with this amazing girl for the last seven and a half months. She was my first ever girlfriend and she had been the sweetest girl ever. Our relationship has been amazing. I thought our relationship was perfect. But lately, it has gone downhill. I am not the good guy in this situation.

(This is copied and pasted from text messages and I tried my best to edit it to make it make sense to you guys. If some parts sound weird that is why)

It all started with my summer music program trip to Arizona. She was also in the program. I met her through this same program last summer when we went to California. Ok, this hot mess was caused by me. So I ruined the trip for my girlfriend. I was about to get my period and I get very moody because of it. One thing that happens is increased paranoia around my period. So my girlfriend likes to jokingly flirt with her friends. Because I'm autistic and I have a hard time telling if someone is joking or not. This made me very paranoid. My paranoia was telling me that my girlfriend was going to leave me for someone else. This is what I literally thought at the moment. I expressed my paranoia to my girlfriend, she got upset about it (as expected). She got nicer to me later, but she was clearly still upset. Fast forward to two nights ago, we've talked about the situation, I said I wanted to improve, I told her how I was going to do that. She told me she'll love me no matter what. 

Since I told her I promised I would improve my behaviour, I've been reading articles on how to decrease my paranoia. They've been helping. I waned to get advice from a crisis line, I wanted to get an opinion about my paranoia and they asked me what I was paranoid about. I told them about the fake flirting. I specifically brought up her friends would jokingly say "infront of your girlfriend?", but my brain didn't process that as a joke, so I contacted the crisis line for their opinion about that, under the impression that her friends were uncomfortable with the fake flirting. The councilor suggested that she was the problem and I was having a valid fear. I brought this up to my girlfriend yesterday morning with screenshots from my crisis line text conversation. She clarified that they were also joking with the flirting. She ignored me for the whole entire day yesterday. I apologised to her around 8:30ish and she still ignored me. :(

I had another conversation with a crisis line councilor (I have friends, I promise, I just need to speak to just some type of mental health professional because I don't have a therapist) around 11 last night about this situation and they said my girlfriend ignoring me the whole day could be a form of manipulation. I don't agree with the councilor said. I see my girlfriend not talking to me without any warning me as a way of her processing all of this. Not saying it was the right move on her end. A friend who I used to whine about girls all last year when I was single said my girlfriend needs to grow up and learn that she is in a relationship when she learned that my girlfriend was ignoring me. She was not busy. She was on Instagram all day. ;-;

This morning, I finally told my girlfriend that I wanted to talk. This was after she ignored me for the entire day yesterday. She actually responded and agreed to talk. She told me that she would prefer talking to me about this in person. I agreed. I plan on seeing her either Wednesday or Thursday. She said "We do need to talk, but I don't think it's the way you want. It's something I would prefer to talk about in person" and then "Once again I don't think you'll enjoy this conversation. I don't think it's what you're expecting, maybe it's is what you're expecting but I don't know." 

I am pretty sure she'll break up will break up with me. This is all my fault. I feel so guilty from this. I've been getting thoughts of self-harm and forming disordered eating habits. What do you guys think about this crazy situation? If she does break up with me, how do you guys cope with breakups? Is there a possibility that she'll just want a break from the relationship? (You don't have to only answer those two questions specifically, but it would be nice to have some ideas :D ) Thanks to those who read through! Much love to all of you! Have a good day/night or whenever you read this! Peace! <3

[Duckie]

10 hours ago, lesboMar said:

(TW: EDs & SH MENTIONED AT THE END OF THE POST)

Hello everyone! I have absolutely no idea how to go about this post since this is my first time making a post here, but here we go. I really have to just get this off of my chest. I'll go by Moss here. I am a lesbian to make that clear. I have been in a relationship with this amazing girl for the last seven and a half months. She was my first ever girlfriend and she had been the sweetest girl ever. Our relationship has been amazing. I thought our relationship was perfect. But lately, it has gone downhill. I am not the good guy in this situation.

(This is copied and pasted from text messages and I tried my best to edit it to make it make sense to you guys. If some parts sound weird that is why)

It all started with my summer music program trip to Arizona. She was also in the program. I met her through this same program last summer when we went to California. Ok, this hot mess was caused by me. So I ruined the trip for my girlfriend. I was about to get my period and I get very moody because of it. One thing that happens is increased paranoia around my period. So my girlfriend likes to jokingly flirt with her friends. Because I'm autistic and I have a hard time telling if someone is joking or not. This made me very paranoid. My paranoia was telling me that my girlfriend was going to leave me for someone else. This is what I literally thought at the moment. I expressed my paranoia to my girlfriend, she got upset about it (as expected). She got nicer to me later, but she was clearly still upset. Fast forward to two nights ago, we've talked about the situation, I said I wanted to improve, I told her how I was going to do that. She told me she'll love me no matter what. 

Since I told her I promised I would improve my behaviour, I've been reading articles on how to decrease my paranoia. They've been helping. I waned to get advice from a crisis line, I wanted to get an opinion about my paranoia and they asked me what I was paranoid about. I told them about the fake flirting. I specifically brought up her friends would jokingly say "infront of your girlfriend?", but my brain didn't process that as a joke, so I contacted the crisis line for their opinion about that, under the impression that her friends were uncomfortable with the fake flirting. The councilor suggested that she was the problem and I was having a valid fear. I brought this up to my girlfriend yesterday morning with screenshots from my crisis line text conversation. She clarified that they were also joking with the flirting. She ignored me for the whole entire day yesterday. I apologised to her around 8:30ish and she still ignored me. :(

I had another conversation with a crisis line councilor (I have friends, I promise, I just need to speak to just some type of mental health professional because I don't have a therapist) around 11 last night about this situation and they said my girlfriend ignoring me the whole day could be a form of manipulation. I don't agree with the councilor said. I see my girlfriend not talking to me without any warning me as a way of her processing all of this. Not saying it was the right move on her end. A friend who I used to whine about girls all last year when I was single said my girlfriend needs to grow up and learn that she is in a relationship when she learned that my girlfriend was ignoring me. She was not busy. She was on Instagram all day. ;-;

This morning, I finally told my girlfriend that I wanted to talk. This was after she ignored me for the entire day yesterday. She actually responded and agreed to talk. She told me that she would prefer talking to me about this in person. I agreed. I plan on seeing her either Wednesday or Thursday. She said "We do need to talk, but I don't think it's the way you want. It's something I would prefer to talk about in person" and then "Once again I don't think you'll enjoy this conversation. I don't think it's what you're expecting, maybe it's is what you're expecting but I don't know." 

I am pretty sure she'll break up will break up with me. This is all my fault. I feel so guilty from this. I've been getting thoughts of self-harm and forming disordered eating habits. What do you guys think about this crazy situation? If she does break up with me, how do you guys cope with breakups? Is there a possibility that she'll just want a break from the relationship? (You don't have to only answer those two questions specifically, but it would be nice to have some ideas :D ) Thanks to those who read through! Much love to all of you! Have a good day/night or whenever you read this! Peace! <3

Hi @lesboMar,

Welcome to Dicth the Label.

My name is Duckie and I am one of the support mentors.

First of all, thank you for sharing this with me. It sounds like a sensitive situation and I think there are many nuances to the situation you are describing. I am curious as to how your girlfriend is flirting with other people. What does she say/do and how do you feel about it? What is more relevant is that I see you taking a lot more responsibility in this situation. You are saying this is on me and I am paranoid, but I am wondering whether there are any other instances or situations where you would describe yourself as paranoid. Is there anything else that leads you to this conclusion?

You have been very responsible for reaching out to various support available - both here and on crisis phone calls. You mentioned your girlfriend ignoring you and telling you that you are going to have a conversation you will not enjoy... It makes me wonder what she thinks she is doing to your mental state. I feel like this flirting with others situation could have been avoided with her reassuring you she loves you and means nothing. I know your girlfriend got angry with you for bringing up the flirting, but did she do anything to reassure you and to meet you halfway. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask her to not flirt with others in front of you. She might be outgoing and show appreciation for her friends in a flirty sort of way, but I still think she could take your feelings into consideration and just take it down a notch rather than making you go through all the feelings alone while she blanks you. I understand she might be feeling annoyed, but I don't think it was the kindest approach in this sense. What do you think? Have you spoken to her yet? How are you feeling now?