Feeling like I have to prove that I'm gay

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

Hey there, I've noticed that I feel like I'll have to 'prove' or justify that I'm lesbian when I come out to my immediate family. I've already come out to my friends, but because they're so supportive, they just accepted me without any question (I mean, they wanted to know a bit more, like when I started questioning and how I figured it out, but they weren't accusatory). But I feel like with my close family, I'm going to have to explain why I feel this way. I know it doesn't really make sense, because I just feel the way I feel, and I don't know what their reactions are going to be. I think I'm just apprehensive. But is it normal to feel like you have to justify your sexuality to others if you aren't straight, even if you are completely sure of yourself? 

[illumi]

def normal to feel this way. heck i even thought my mom will question me when i came out as trans. if they ask u to explain u can simply say that ure just the way u r; there r no causation to ur orientation. if theyre accusatory tho just try to change the subject or distance urself

[Aurora]

19 hours ago, Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once said:

Hey there, I've noticed that I feel like I'll have to 'prove' or justify that I'm lesbian when I come out to my immediate family. I've already come out to my friends, but because they're so supportive, they just accepted me without any question (I mean, they wanted to know a bit more, like when I started questioning and how I figured it out, but they weren't accusatory). But I feel like with my close family, I'm going to have to explain why I feel this way. I know it doesn't really make sense, because I just feel the way I feel, and I don't know what their reactions are going to be. I think I'm just apprehensive. But is it normal to feel like you have to justify your sexuality to others if you aren't straight, even if you are completely sure of yourself? 

Hi there, thanks for sharing your concerns with us. Congratulations on coming out to your friends!! It's great to hear that they were supportive! Hopefully this reassures you a little, knowing that you can always count on their support :) 

As @LIVI0 already said it's really normal to feel like this. It's probably a good idea to be expecting questions but please don't feel you have to answer them all if you don't feel comfortable to. Do you have any idea whether your family will be supportive? I'm also wondering whether you might find it easier to come out to one family member first? Is there anyone in your family, who you'd feel more comfortable coming out to? 

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

1 hour ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, thanks for sharing your concerns with us. Congratulations on coming out to your friends!! It's great to hear that they were supportive! Hopefully this reassures you a little, knowing that you can always count on their support :) 

As @LIVI0 already said it's really normal to feel like this. It's probably a good idea to be expecting questions but please don't feel you have to answer them all if you don't feel comfortable to. Do you have any idea whether your family will be supportive? I'm also wondering whether you might find it easier to come out to one family member first? Is there anyone in your family, who you'd feel more comfortable coming out to? 

Thank you for the reply. It’s really helpful. I’m not sure if my family will be supportive. I don’t think they’ll hurt me or kick me out, but I do know they’ll be a bit uncomfortable and probably not know what to say. I feel like they’ll probably have some misconceptions about homosexuality and the LGBTQIA+ community, though.

 

I do have an aunt that I’d feel comfortable coming out to—and I’m planning on telling her in the summer, before I tell my parents, because then I can at least tell one person in my family and gauge their reaction. I feel pretty confident that she’ll be supportive, but then, it’s hard to predict someone’s reaction. I think that’s the most difficult for me. I like to be prepared and know exactly what is going to happen in most situations, but with something like this, it’s hard to know. 

[Aurora]

On 6/23/2023 at 11:35 AM, Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once said:

Thank you for the reply. It’s really helpful. I’m not sure if my family will be supportive. I don’t think they’ll hurt me or kick me out, but I do know they’ll be a bit uncomfortable and probably not know what to say. I feel like they’ll probably have some misconceptions about homosexuality and the LGBTQIA+ community, though.

I do have an aunt that I’d feel comfortable coming out to—and I’m planning on telling her in the summer, before I tell my parents, because then I can at least tell one person in my family and gauge their reaction. I feel pretty confident that she’ll be supportive, but then, it’s hard to predict someone’s reaction. I think that’s the most difficult for me. I like to be prepared and know exactly what is going to happen in most situations, but with something like this, it’s hard to know. 

You're very welcome :)

It's good to know that you don't think your family will hurt you or kick you out and that it's safe for you to come out to them. Please know that there is no pressure at all for you to come out, if you don't feel ready to. This is your journey and it's up to you, who you want to come out to and when.

It sounds like you've prepared yourself that it might be uncomfortable and that your family might have some misconceptions about homosexuality and the LGBTQIA+ community. I think it's good to be aware of this beforehand. I get what you're saying about liking to be prepared and wanting to know exactly what's going to happen but that it's not possible to know in a situation like this.  What might be helpful is to remind yourself, that whatever their first reaction is, it doesn't have to be a lasting reaction and they might just need a bit of time to process what you tell them. Your parents love you very much and the strong love parents have for their children can really transform their views. So even if they don't quite know what to say and you don't feel like they support you straight away, it is likely to change over time. What do you think? 

I'm glad to hear you have an aunt, that you feel comfortable coming out to. She might even be able to support you, when you decide to tell your parents. What do you think? You mentioned that you're pretty confident that she'll be supportive. Like you said, it's hard to predict someone's reaction but I do think we can often trust our instincts in these situations. We're usually quite good at figuring out beforehand how someone will react. Do you agree? Do you know what her views are on the LGBTQIA+ community?

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

On 6/26/2023 at 5:21 AM, Aurora said:

You're very welcome :)

It's good to know that you don't think your family will hurt you or kick you out and that it's safe for you to come out to them. Please know that there is no pressure at all for you to come out, if you don't feel ready to. This is your journey and it's up to you, who you want to come out to and when.

It sounds like you've prepared yourself that it might be uncomfortable and that your family might have some misconceptions about homosexuality and the LGBTQIA+ community. I think it's good to be aware of this beforehand. I get what you're saying about liking to be prepared and wanting to know exactly what's going to happen but that it's not possible to know in a situation like this.  What might be helpful is to remind yourself, that whatever their first reaction is, it doesn't have to be a lasting reaction and they might just need a bit of time to process what you tell them. Your parents love you very much and the strong love parents have for their children can really transform their views. So even if they don't quite know what to say and you don't feel like they support you straight away, it is likely to change over time. What do you think? 

I'm glad to hear you have an aunt, that you feel comfortable coming out to. She might even be able to support you, when you decide to tell your parents. What do you think? You mentioned that you're pretty confident that she'll be supportive. Like you said, it's hard to predict someone's reaction but I do think we can often trust our instincts in these situations. We're usually quite good at figuring out beforehand how someone will react. Do you agree? Do you know what her views are on the LGBTQIA+ community?

I see. That makes sense, what you said about the first reaction not being a lasting reaction. That does make me feel better. Yes! I do agree that often we can predict how someone will react (like if you're asking your parents for something, you know which parent will be more likely to say yes ). I don't know what my aunt's views are on the LGBTQIA+ community, but I thought I would ask her before telling her, to gauge the situation if that makes sense. But thank you. This really helps and reassures me.

[Aurora]

19 hours ago, Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once said:

I see. That makes sense, what you said about the first reaction not being a lasting reaction. That does make me feel better. Yes! I do agree that often we can predict how someone will react (like if you're asking your parents for something, you know which parent will be more likely to say yes ). I don't know what my aunt's views are on the LGBTQIA+ community, but I thought I would ask her before telling her, to gauge the situation if that makes sense. But thank you. This really helps and reassures me.

You're very welcome. I'm glad to hear that this has reassured you. 

I think that's a really good idea, to ask your aunt about her views first. Like you said, then you'll get even more of a sense on how she'll react. I hope it goes really well. If you like you can let us know how it goes but please don't feel you have to. 

Is there anything else you would like support with at the moment or are you good for now? 

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

37 minutes ago, Aurora said:

You're very welcome. I'm glad to hear that this has reassured you. 

I think that's a really good idea, to ask your aunt about her views first. Like you said, then you'll get even more of a sense on how she'll react. I hope it goes really well. If you like you can let us know how it goes but please don't feel you have to. 

Is there anything else you would like support with at the moment or are you good for now? 

I think I'm good for now, thanks! I will let you guys know how it goes :)

[Aurora]

On 6/28/2023 at 1:06 PM, Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once said:

I think I'm good for now, thanks! I will let you guys know how it goes :)

We would love to hear how it goes. And we're always here for you if anything else comes up