Friendship advice?

[mysterygal333]

This is a bit long but, I’m pretty private about my romantic relationships and usually never let my friends meet someone I’m talking to. but I  had recently introduced a guy to my friends. Him and I had been talking for awhile and at the time, I thought it was going somewhere. I started to notice my friends take a liking to him. I knew that they weren’t interested in him in any way, but I tend to overthink and think of scenarios that involved my best friend talking to him due to the fact that he tried to make a “joke” while drunk and asked me if we could have a 3some with my friend (biggest red flag and I should have ended it the moment he said that). Maybe it was due to the fact that I’ve been in situations like that in previous friendships. But basically, this guy and I had stopped talking because he started showing some colors I didn’t like. My friends had seen him at the bar that we were at the other night  and went out of their way to talk to him. I was confused on why they did. My friends were already pretty drunk, so I let it slide. He ended up talking to me and was completely rude to me. Falsely accusing me that I was “mad”. I told him I was not mad at all, just upset on how he chose to end things. He then left and didn’t say goodbye which didn’t really come as a shock to me. I didn’t really care and was just planning on spending the rest of the night with my friends. I had gone to get a drink but when I came back I couldn’t find my best friend. I decided to go look for her downstairs and saw that she was with the guy who had disrespected me infront of her and he was buying her and my other friend a drink. I lost my cool for a second as I came up to them, but I wanted to try and understand why she did it. To my surprise, she had gone up to him to try and use him for drinks. This guy stood there acting as if he’d never met me before and I simply told him to have a good night. I was really upset. I told my best friend she disrespected me and that I’m heavy on loyalty. I texted that guy and chewed him out, respectfully though because i don’t usually defend myself a lot  to men who aren’t worth the paragraph and I let a lot of things slide but when a boundary is crossed, I will speak wisdom and never let a man think he’s got the best of me. My friend apologized for the situation the next day saying she’d promise to never have something like that happen again. But, part of me just feels hurt by my friends. I’m not sure how to go about my relationship with her. I still love her and honestly don’t care about the guy at all. I feel it’s more of a loyalty thing. I felt as if my words of how he treated me and the obvious interaction of how he treated me, made no difference to my friend and she didn’t care. I don’t know, I felt like I was stabbed in the back by someone I considered my friend. I guess I’m just looking for another perspective on how I should go about it. 

[Catsup]

7 hours ago, mysterygal333 said:

This is a bit long but, I’m pretty private about my romantic relationships and usually never let my friends meet someone I’m talking to. but I  had recently introduced a guy to my friends. Him and I had been talking for awhile and at the time, I thought it was going somewhere. I started to notice my friends take a liking to him. I knew that they weren’t interested in him in any way, but I tend to overthink and think of scenarios that involved my best friend talking to him due to the fact that he tried to make a “joke” while drunk and asked me if we could have a 3some with my friend (biggest red flag and I should have ended it the moment he said that). Maybe it was due to the fact that I’ve been in situations like that in previous friendships. But basically, this guy and I had stopped talking because he started showing some colors I didn’t like. My friends had seen him at the bar that we were at the other night  and went out of their way to talk to him. I was confused on why they did. My friends were already pretty drunk, so I let it slide. He ended up talking to me and was completely rude to me. Falsely accusing me that I was “mad”. I told him I was not mad at all, just upset on how he chose to end things. He then left and didn’t say goodbye which didn’t really come as a shock to me. I didn’t really care and was just planning on spending the rest of the night with my friends. I had gone to get a drink but when I came back I couldn’t find my best friend. I decided to go look for her downstairs and saw that she was with the guy who had disrespected me infront of her and he was buying her and my other friend a drink. I lost my cool for a second as I came up to them, but I wanted to try and understand why she did it. To my surprise, she had gone up to him to try and use him for drinks. This guy stood there acting as if he’d never met me before and I simply told him to have a good night. I was really upset. I told my best friend she disrespected me and that I’m heavy on loyalty. I texted that guy and chewed him out, respectfully though because i don’t usually defend myself a lot  to men who aren’t worth the paragraph and I let a lot of things slide but when a boundary is crossed, I will speak wisdom and never let a man think he’s got the best of me. My friend apologized for the situation the next day saying she’d promise to never have something like that happen again. But, part of me just feels hurt by my friends. I’m not sure how to go about my relationship with her. I still love her and honestly don’t care about the guy at all. I feel it’s more of a loyalty thing. I felt as if my words of how he treated me and the obvious interaction of how he treated me, made no difference to my friend and she didn’t care. I don’t know, I felt like I was stabbed in the back by someone I considered my friend. I guess I’m just looking for another perspective on how I should go about it. 

Hey there, I'm Catsup, a support mentor here.  It sounds like your friend might have broken some of your trust and considering everything that happened at the bar, it's totally understandable that you're upset.  However you also mentioned you still love your friend and that she did apologize.  Does your friend have a history of breaking your trust or is this a one-time kind of situation?

Sometimes we can forgive, but it doesn't mean the trust is back immediately.  How do you feel your trust is with her?  Do you feel you could trust her to keep her word on her apology and not do something like that again?

It sounds like you handled that situation really well and I'm also glad that guy is not in your life at this point.  To me it seems you are reasonable with boundaries, would you agree?  Definitely trust your gut too and let me know what you think.