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Playing with my emotions????


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So, my boyfriend kinda plays with my emotions. One minute he's all sweet and nice, then the next he's telling me everything I'm doing wrong even though I don't mean to. Is this normal?

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Hi there, I'm Catsup, a support mentor.ย  I think what you're describing must be very confusing to deal with.ย  You asked if it is normal, and I think the question to ask yourself might be, if this relationship feels healthy for you?

How often is he criticizing you, and do you have any examples?ย  It sounds like it could be unhealthy if you feel like he's putting you down on a regular basis.ย  Remember that you always deserve to feel loved and happy.

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On 6/5/2023 at 9:23 AM, Catsup said:

Hi there, I'm Catsup, a support mentor.ย  I think what you're describing must be very confusing to deal with.ย  You asked if it is normal, and I think the question to ask yourself might be, if this relationship feels healthy for you?

How often is he criticizing you, and do you have any examples?ย  It sounds like it could be unhealthy if you feel like he's putting you down on a regular basis.ย  Remember that you always deserve to feel loved and happy.

Like today, he told me "I was hoping to thank you for not leaving me alone when I was suffering mentally but you did." But he never even gave me clues and he basically told me to go away this morning. Then he started ignoring me

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8 hours ago, BusinessBee said:

Like today, he told me "I was hoping to thank you for not leaving me alone when I was suffering mentally but you did." But he never even gave me clues and he basically told me to go away this morning. Then he started ignoring me

Hey, t sounds like you did everything you could to try to be helpful.ย  He didn't communicate what he wanted from you (in fact he might have sent opposite signals), and later blamed you for not responding the way he wanted you to.ย  It sounds like he could be going through something, but that does not give him reason to say mean things and ignore you.ย  Is there a way for you to bring your concerns up to him, and talk to him seriously about how this is all affecting you and your relationship with him?

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16 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hey, t sounds like you did everything you could to try to be helpful.ย  He didn't communicate what he wanted from you (in fact he might have sent opposite signals), and later blamed you for not responding the way he wanted you to.ย  It sounds like he could be going through something, but that does not give him reason to say mean things and ignore you.ย  Is there a way for you to bring your concerns up to him, and talk to him seriously about how this is all affecting you and your relationship with him?

No, every time I try; he just ignores me or says "forget it <3." Today I tried and he only hears what he wants. It was bad this morning, I was at the point of crying because of what he said

Edited by BusinessBee
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I'm sorry to hear that he does not listen to your concerns.ย  It sounds like there are some big problems in the relationship and I wonder, what keeps you in a relationship with your boyfriend at this point?ย 

I think every relationship has positives and negatives to them, so do you think it would help to think about them for your relationship?

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15 hours ago, Catsup said:

I'm sorry to hear that he does not listen to your concerns.ย  It sounds like there are some big problems in the relationship and I wonder, what keeps you in a relationship with your boyfriend at this point?ย 

I think every relationship has positives and negatives to them, so do you think it would help to think about them for your relationship?

If I'm being honest, I'm only still with him because we are both too attached.

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8 hours ago, BusinessBee said:

If I'm being honest, I'm only still with him because we are both too attached.

That's a difficult place to be.ย  In relationships we invest a lot of time and emotional energy, which can make it hard for either person leave.ย  But it's also important for you to look after yourself first, so I wonder what your goal might be in this situation?ย  For example, would you want to leave the relationship if you felt like you were able to?ย 

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7 hours ago, Catsup said:

That's a difficult place to be.ย  In relationships we invest a lot of time and emotional energy, which can make it hard for either person leave.ย  But it's also important for you to look after yourself first, so I wonder what your goal might be in this situation?ย  For example, would you want to leave the relationship if you felt like you were able to?ย 

He's told me that if I leave him, he'll kill himself. And I still care about him, I don't want to see him do that. So honestly he would have to be the one to end it

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On 6/9/2023 at 2:17 PM, BusinessBee said:

He's told me that if I leave him, he'll kill himself. And I still care about him, I don't want to see him do that. So honestly he would have to be the one to end it

Hey, that must be very stressful to hear from your boyfriend and I can see why you are not wanting to leave him.ย  However, if the relationship is not healthy, it's not helpful for either of you to stay in it.ย  I really think you need to look after yourself while still taking what he said seriously.ย  There are many people and professionals who can help him if he is suicidal.ย  I see from your profile you are located in the U.S. correct?ย  You can call 988 for assistance in navigating your boyfriend's suicidal statements.ย  You can also talk to a trusted adult about what he told you.

You should never have to stay in an unhealthy relationship, whether your boyfriend is suicidal or not.ย  And if you ever feel he's at immediate risk, you can call 911 and have those professionals go to him.

How do you feel about reaching out for help for your boyfriend?ย  If you to know he'd be okay, would that give you the peace of mind to leave the relationship?

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Well, he broke up with meโ€ฆย 

On 6/11/2023 at 7:46 AM, Catsup said:

Hey, that must be very stressful to hear from your boyfriend and I can see why you are not wanting to leave him.ย  However, if the relationship is not healthy, it's not helpful for either of you to stay in it.ย  I really think you need to look after yourself while still taking what he said seriously.ย  There are many people and professionals who can help him if he is suicidal.ย  I see from your profile you are located in the U.S. correct?ย  You can call 988 for assistance in navigating your boyfriend's suicidal statements.ย  You can also talk to a trusted adult about what he told you.

You should never have to stay in an unhealthy relationship, whether your boyfriend is suicidal or not.ย  And if you ever feel he's at immediate risk, you can call 911 and have those professionals go to him.

How do you feel about reaching out for help for your boyfriend?ย  If you to know he'd be okay, would that give you the peace of mind to leave the relationship?

ย 

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On 6/22/2023 at 11:53 PM, BusinessBee said:

Well, he broke up with meโ€ฆย 

Hi there, how are you feeling about the break up right now?ย  Break ups can be very difficult, no matter what the situation with the relationship was.ย  How are you doing with everything?

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16 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hi there, how are you feeling about the break up right now?ย  Break ups can be very difficult, no matter what the situation with the relationship was.ย  How are you doing with everything?

Honestly, itโ€™s been kinda hard. Every little thing reminds me of him. There have been times Iโ€™ve almost texted him or called him, but I didnโ€™t go through with it

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6 hours ago, BusinessBee said:

Honestly, itโ€™s been kinda hard. Every little thing reminds me of him. There have been times Iโ€™ve almost texted him or called him, but I didnโ€™t go through with it

Hey there, that's very common to struggle with a break up and totally normal.ย  How is your support system and social life?ย  Sometimes being around other people can help distract, as well as doing other things like your own hobbies and staying busy.

What are the things that kept you from reaching out to him?ย  Sometimes remembering the reasons for the break up also help with keeping things final.ย  What do you think about keeping in mind those reasons?

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17 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hey there, that's very common to struggle with a break up and totally normal.ย  How is your support system and social life?ย  Sometimes being around other people can help distract, as well as doing other things like your own hobbies and staying busy.

What are the things that kept you from reaching out to him?ย  Sometimes remembering the reasons for the break up also help with keeping things final.ย  What do you think about keeping in mind those reasons?

Honestly, my support system is only my two best friends. Over summer break I donโ€™t get to see many people and my best friends barely know what happened, so I donโ€™t really have a support system

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4 hours ago, BusinessBee said:

Honestly, my support system is only my two best friends. Over summer break I donโ€™t get to see many people and my best friends barely know what happened, so I donโ€™t really have a support system

Hi @BusinessBee, sorry to hear about your breakup.

Even though a part of you might have imagined this situation, it's never the same to actually go through with it. Please be kind to yourself and take the time you need to heal from this. It is normal to miss him at times, because when you've been together for a long time it is just as much about losing a friend. How do you feel about it now?

Would you consider telling your friends about what happened and how your relationship made you feel? Sometimes these breakups can lead you back to yourself again, and that's going to be a breath of fresh air once your mourning of the relationship has eased. What do you like doing? What are your hobbies and interest? Was there every anything you felt like you couldn't do because of him? Because it might be worth exploring that now. Be kind to yourself and know that it is OK to be upset about this. You are worthy of love and attention and you will not always feel like you are doing now. Are you OK?

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