Hi World

[Capricorn]

Well, how do I even begin to talk about this.

I am 18 years old and have doubted about my sexuality ever since I was 12 , and actually at 14 I came out to a friend I was in eighth grade, it was just a matter of minutes until I became the "Gay kid" the only being like me in the whole school from kinder to eleventh grade. I wasnt even sure about it but it was way too late to change my mind and convince 1256 students and who knows how many teachers.

 

four years of embarrasing stories and drama have passed and im in college now, when i began studying this year i knew i had two paths that i could take, that would define my whole life the path of being me or the path of begining from zero i took the easy path. now to my new friends I am the clasic heterosexual dude .

 

Now theres not a single night where i dont cry myself to sleep, and i hate it im not a sentimental dude, i have never been sad, well not like real sad and right now i feel every pressure i felt when i was 12 but mostly i feel dissapointed i feel like im bi but i dont want to go through everything again, i dont want to be known as the "Bi dude", I dont want to dissapoint myself, I dont want to be alone again.

 

thanks for hearing me,

Any suggestions?

[Willow]

Hi there Capricorn!

 

Thank you for sharing your story with us... and welcome to Community!

 

I'm so sorry that by sharing your attraction to people of the same gender, that you became identified as that. No wonder you'd want to move away from the stereotypes and expectations-- the label was very constraining! (Also, it sounds like your best friend, in 8th grade, might have not kept your secret, like you intended).

 

I'm glad you had somewhat of a 'fresh start' going into college. In some ways you have the freedom to explore your sexuality... but like you said, you feel worried that you must stick to this new label of being 'straight'.

 

I can feel that you just want to be able to explore what it means to be the truest you!

 

It's completely okay to explore... and I would encourage you to build friendships/a support system of people who accept you in that exploration. College does tend to bring together more progressive thought, but I can imagine you're worried about being mistreated and mislabeled, again.

 

But here's an article to remind you that questioning/exploring is a perfectly valid place to be. Many of us remain in this 'stage' our whole lives!

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-things-know-questioning-sexuality/

 

-willow