Feeling that I have to be perfect for everyone about everything

[Olivia05]

Sometimes I’ll be eating something small or something and someone will come up to me and look at my plate or bowl or whatever I’m using and they’ll ask why I ate so much and I’ll just say that like I’m hungry and they will just tell me to eat less. But if I eat less I’ll get dizzy and have a hard time standing up without shaking. 
Also sometimes if I’m wearing something tight (very rarely because I don’t like the way I look) I’ll try and suck in my stomach so people won’t say anything about me or if someone who’s skinnier than me says that they think they’re fat I’ll just try and adjust my clothes so I can appear skinnier.

Last school year I was staying with my sister and her mom and stayed there from March to the end of May I barely ate anything because I don’t like taking things from people without asking and they were barely home (probably because of my PTSD from my dad) and when I came back home, my mom visibly saw that I lost weight. She was tempted to go to the doctors to see if I had an eating disorder but I just don’t eat because most of the time I think I’m too fat or something other than that (I’m very insecure about my appearance)

[Aurora]

12 hours ago, Olivia05 said:

Sometimes I’ll be eating something small or something and someone will come up to me and look at my plate or bowl or whatever I’m using and they’ll ask why I ate so much and I’ll just say that like I’m hungry and they will just tell me to eat less. But if I eat less I’ll get dizzy and have a hard time standing up without shaking. 
Also sometimes if I’m wearing something tight (very rarely because I don’t like the way I look) I’ll try and suck in my stomach so people won’t say anything about me or if someone who’s skinnier than me says that they think they’re fat I’ll just try and adjust my clothes so I can appear skinnier.

Last school year I was staying with my sister and her mom and stayed there from March to the end of May I barely ate anything because I don’t like taking things from people without asking and they were barely home (probably because of my PTSD from my dad) and when I came back home, my mom visibly saw that I lost weight. She was tempted to go to the doctors to see if I had an eating disorder but I just don’t eat because most of the time I think I’m too fat or something other than that (I’m very insecure about my appearance)

Hi @Olivia05, thanks for opening up about your insecurities around eating and your body imagine. I know it can be difficult to talk about our insecurities as it can make us feel vulnerable. I know you know this already but just a reminder that this is a safe space and if something comes up that you don't want to talk about, that's absolutely fine. There is no pressure here. 

I noticed that you put the disordered eating trigger warning on your post. I'm curious to know, what do healthy eating habits look like for you and how do you think that compare to your current eating habits? Also, I get the impression that a lot of this is linked to how you think others see you. Is that right? I also noticed what you said about your own body. Do you mind me asking, where you think those thoughts are coming from? 

[Olivia05]

4 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Hi @Olivia05, thanks for opening up about your insecurities around eating and your body imagine. I know it can be difficult to talk about our insecurities as it can make us feel vulnerable. I know you know this already but just a reminder that this is a safe space and if something comes up that you don't want to talk about, that's absolutely fine. There is no pressure here. 

I noticed that you put the disordered eating trigger warning on your post. I'm curious to know, what do healthy eating habits look like for you and how do you think that compare to your current eating habits? Also, I get the impression that a lot of this is linked to how you think others see you. Is that right? I also noticed what you said about your own body. Do you mind me asking, where you think those thoughts are coming from? 

Ok one question at a time because woah and thanks

Well I workout a lot so if I don’t eat then I’ll get super dizzy and I’ll pass out so if that does happen I always have a protein bar or shake in my bag just in case but basically I eat whatever my siblings make but if I’m home  alone I’ll just make whatever really I mean ever since I lived wi my sister for those couple of months, I’ve been more and more picky when it comes to food idk y tho. 
this is kind of linked to how others see me because I try very hard to not care what everyone says but for some reason I still do care. 
i honestly don’t know where those thoughts are coming from if I’m being 100% honest I guess I just compare myself to others too much

[Aurora]

9 minutes ago, Olivia05 said:

Ok one question at a time because woah and thanks

Well I workout a lot so if I don’t eat then I’ll get super dizzy and I’ll pass out so if that does happen I always have a protein bar or shake in my bag just in case but basically I eat whatever my siblings make but if I’m home  alone I’ll just make whatever really I mean ever since I lived wi my sister for those couple of months, I’ve been more and more picky when it comes to food idk y tho. 
this is kind of linked to how others see me because I try very hard to not care what everyone says but for some reason I still do care. 
i honestly don’t know where those thoughts are coming from if I’m being 100% honest I guess I just compare myself to others too much

Sorry for the question overload  and thanks for answering. I'm afraid I need to log off now but we can talk about this some more when I'm back online on Monday if you like. I hope that's OK. In the meantime I just wanted to reassure you that we all have insecurities and I totally get what you mean by saying you try very hard not to care what everyone says but for some reason you still do. I think most of us are like that! In the meantime, would you mind sharing, what you think healthy eating looks like? Have a great weekend!

[Olivia05]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

Sorry for the question overload  and thanks for answering. I'm afraid I need to log off now but we can talk about this some more when I'm back online on Monday if you like. I hope that's OK. In the meantime I just wanted to reassure you that we all have insecurities and I totally get what you mean by saying you try very hard not to care what everyone says but for some reason you still do. I think most of us are like that! In the meantime, would you mind sharing, what you think healthy eating looks like? Have a great weekend!

Probably like eating healthy and not eating that much junk food and drinking lots of water

[Aurora]

On 5/12/2023 at 2:16 PM, Olivia05 said:

Probably like eating healthy and not eating that much junk food and drinking lots of water

You mention some really good aspects of healthy eating. For me healthy eating is also about becoming in tune with our body and listening to our body.  I think most of us have insecurities about our bodies and social media and society often have a big influence on how we feel about ourselves. Especially as there are so many representations of looks and body in the media that are really unrealistic. Our insecurities can make us be quite critical of our bodies and rather than care for it and we often ignore our body's signals for what it needs. I think some of this also comes from the way we are brought up e.g. a lot of us are told as little kids that we need to eat all our food and then we can have desert. Again, this means that we don't really listen to our body and don't notice the signals, when our body tells us that it's had enough or that it's hungry. This can then lead to unhealthy eating habits e.g. when we get over hungry we might end up eating too much, because we eat really quickly and don't notice when we are full. What do you think?