Family arguments about school

[lucy111]

me and my mum tend to argue quite a lot, as we both have a temper. for reference, I work really hard at school and have my gcses in 2 weeks. I sat English literature early last year and got an 8, yet mum said 'I know you wanted a 9 and you could have worked harder'. I try so hard and put pressure on myself to do well, yet she still has a go. for the past 6 months she's said I haven't been working hard enough, even though I have and she doesn't get home till 7 so doesn't see it. today she called me lazy and not hardworking which upset me, and made me retaliate. we had an argument and she's now saying she didn't call me those things. these arguments happen frequently and really deflate me. I just want her to appreciate how hard I work. she even says 'don't come running to me crying on results day when you don't get the grades you want'. she also says I have a bad attitude, which I genuinely think is only because I constantly feel I'm not recognised. she blames her high blood pressure on my 'attitude' when I know its her work that does that. I don't want to keep on arguing with her I just want to focus on my exams so I prove her wrong. I have apologised for upsetting her but she hasn't dropped it, and is still failing to see how her words might upset me too.

[Catsup]

58 minutes ago, lucy111 said:

me and my mum tend to argue quite a lot, as we both have a temper. for reference, I work really hard at school and have my gcses in 2 weeks. I sat English literature early last year and got an 8, yet mum said 'I know you wanted a 9 and you could have worked harder'. I try so hard and put pressure on myself to do well, yet she still has a go. for the past 6 months she's said I haven't been working hard enough, even though I have and she doesn't get home till 7 so doesn't see it. today she called me lazy and not hardworking which upset me, and made me retaliate. we had an argument and she's now saying she didn't call me those things. these arguments happen frequently and really deflate me. I just want her to appreciate how hard I work. she even says 'don't come running to me crying on results day when you don't get the grades you want'. she also says I have a bad attitude, which I genuinely think is only because I constantly feel I'm not recognised. she blames her high blood pressure on my 'attitude' when I know its her work that does that. I don't want to keep on arguing with her I just want to focus on my exams so I prove her wrong. I have apologised for upsetting her but she hasn't dropped it, and is still failing to see how her words might upset me too.

Hi, I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors here.  It definitely sounds like you are a hard working person, and it would be very hard to not have the recognition you deserve from your mom.  I imagine the arguments can make communication difficult sometimes when things get heated.  Would you consider bringing this up to your mom again, but during a calm time?  You could even write out what you plan to say, or even give her a letter if that's easier.  Do you think any of these are good ways to get through to her?

It does sound like there's a lot going on with that situation.  You don't have an obligation to meet every single expectation from your mom.  I hope that some extra communication could go a long way in helping settle things between you and her, but what do you think?

[lucy111]

10 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hi, I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors here.  It definitely sounds like you are a hard working person, and it would be very hard to not have the recognition you deserve from your mom.  I imagine the arguments can make communication difficult sometimes when things get heated.  Would you consider bringing this up to your mom again, but during a calm time?  You could even write out what you plan to say, or even give her a letter if that's easier.  Do you think any of these are good ways to get through to her?

It does sound like there's a lot going on with that situation.  You don't have an obligation to meet every single expectation from your mom.  I hope that some extra communication could go a long way in helping settle things between you and her, but what do you think?

Hi Catsup, I read this and decided to bring it up calmly again. Unfortunately mum denied calling me names again and dad called me disruptive. They said that if I try to cause any more arguments they are going to cancel my phone contract and I won’t have a phone. I feel as though I have to just be quiet now because there’s no way they’ll listen to me

[Catsup]

On 5/1/2023 at 5:18 AM, lucy111 said:

Hi Catsup, I read this and decided to bring it up calmly again. Unfortunately mum denied calling me names again and dad called me disruptive. They said that if I try to cause any more arguments they are going to cancel my phone contract and I won’t have a phone. I feel as though I have to just be quiet now because there’s no way they’ll listen to me

Hi I'm sorry for the delayed response, I was offline from here for a few days.  I'm also really sorry to hear that things didn't go well with talking to your parents.  If you care to talk about it more, I do have questions about the situation, but no need to answer them if you don't want to.  Are the arguments limited to school pressures or are they other things too?  And how is your relationship generally with your parents?  I can completely see why you would stop trying to communicate with them about the pressure that's being put on you, since communicating hasn't gone on well in the past.  I do hope that these past few days you have been able to feel okay with some of the stress going on.