This is hurting my heart

[Madeleine_357]

So I asked my guy friend if he wanted a letter for him time capsule for religion like 3 weeks to a month ago, and he said sure, thanks. I used the letter as an opportunity to say everything I've been feeling. So I put a lot of thinking into this letter, and I over thought about it for like weeks while I was writing it. I put a lot of heart, emotion and effort in. I told him a lot of stuff, like how he's an amazing person, and I reflected on memories and stuff like that. I added pictures with captions and everything. I then got into how it was tiring chasing after him, and this was the last big bit of effort I was gonna do if he didn't do anything. I told him it was up to him and stuff like that. I talked about it for like 2 pages front and back, and the first two pages front and back were me talking about the past and stuff. I then had to figure out how the heck to give it to him. I carried it everywhere until I found an opportunity to give it to him. He was alone on the bus without any of his friends. He always walks behind me on the side of the road when we're walking back to our houses, and he lives a few houses down. I planned on just stopping while walking andf staring at him while he caught up, and then I would hand him the letter and walk away. Well, he has a little trouble with his binder and stopped right after he got off the bus. I was basically already at the beginning of our street already, and I really didn't want to give it to him irl. So I saw that God had given me an opportunity, and I sprinted to his house. I folded the letter, and stuck it in his door. Then I sprinted to my house and went inside. I watched from my front door window as he walked up the street towards his house. Then I ran up to my room to watch from my room window as he walked up his front porch. I couldn't see him grab the letter, but I know he did. I ran downstairs, I still have my shoes, coat and backpack on btw, and my phone had died at school. So I threw off my backpack to get my charger out in the hallway and ran into the kitchen and plugged in my phone cause I needed to call my friend. I was still out of breath from sprinting and I was hyperventilating as well. I was panicking, knowing he was probably reading it at that moment. I was hot so I threw off my jacket. My phone wasn't being a phone and it was turning off and restarting and stuff. I finally got on ft with my friend and explained what happened and then accidently hung up. I called my other friend and explained and my friend was also on call with my other friend so now I'm explaining what happened and I'm shaking. I'm practically screaming, and freaking out and basically just having a panic attack. So I walk my dog and I'm still on the phone and talking to my friends is calming me down. This was wednesday. He has not said anything to me about the letter. I've barely seen him, but he and his friends were standing right beside me while I was waiting for the bus ALONE and he didn't say anything. This was thursday. I also walked back and he was behind me again. And he didn't do anything. I was unlocking my front door, and I'm watching him in the reflection of the window to see if he looks back or does anything. He is at the house across the street from me, walking across that lawn, and he drops something. He turns around to pick it up, and looks up at me. I open the door before I can see him look away, and go inside and I immediately start crying. I just don't cry anymore, so this was a suprise. I'm just sobbing down as I watch him walk up to his house. I walk to my dogs cage and let him out, and I'm still sobbing. My dog is like "wtf" and just climbs on me and is like trying to make me feel better. I stop crying after like 2 minutes, and sit with my dog for a few minutes more before getting his leash on and walking him, wiping my tears while I walk across the street and pass by his house. He has a few weeks to do something until I give up on him. He still hasn't said anything about it, hasn't thanked me for it, nothing, I handed him my heart in that letter, I can only hope he doesn't break it.

[Catsup]

4 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

So I asked my guy friend if he wanted a letter for him time capsule for religion like 3 weeks to a month ago, and he said sure, thanks. I used the letter as an opportunity to say everything I've been feeling. So I put a lot of thinking into this letter, and I over thought about it for like weeks while I was writing it. I put a lot of heart, emotion and effort in. I told him a lot of stuff, like how he's an amazing person, and I reflected on memories and stuff like that. I added pictures with captions and everything. I then got into how it was tiring chasing after him, and this was the last big bit of effort I was gonna do if he didn't do anything. I told him it was up to him and stuff like that. I talked about it for like 2 pages front and back, and the first two pages front and back were me talking about the past and stuff. I then had to figure out how the heck to give it to him. I carried it everywhere until I found an opportunity to give it to him. He was alone on the bus without any of his friends. He always walks behind me on the side of the road when we're walking back to our houses, and he lives a few houses down. I planned on just stopping while walking andf staring at him while he caught up, and then I would hand him the letter and walk away. Well, he has a little trouble with his binder and stopped right after he got off the bus. I was basically already at the beginning of our street already, and I really didn't want to give it to him irl. So I saw that God had given me an opportunity, and I sprinted to his house. I folded the letter, and stuck it in his door. Then I sprinted to my house and went inside. I watched from my front door window as he walked up the street towards his house. Then I ran up to my room to watch from my room window as he walked up his front porch. I couldn't see him grab the letter, but I know he did. I ran downstairs, I still have my shoes, coat and backpack on btw, and my phone had died at school. So I threw off my backpack to get my charger out in the hallway and ran into the kitchen and plugged in my phone cause I needed to call my friend. I was still out of breath from sprinting and I was hyperventilating as well. I was panicking, knowing he was probably reading it at that moment. I was hot so I threw off my jacket. My phone wasn't being a phone and it was turning off and restarting and stuff. I finally got on ft with my friend and explained what happened and then accidently hung up. I called my other friend and explained and my friend was also on call with my other friend so now I'm explaining what happened and I'm shaking. I'm practically screaming, and freaking out and basically just having a panic attack. So I walk my dog and I'm still on the phone and talking to my friends is calming me down. This was wednesday. He has not said anything to me about the letter. I've barely seen him, but he and his friends were standing right beside me while I was waiting for the bus ALONE and he didn't say anything. This was thursday. I also walked back and he was behind me again. And he didn't do anything. I was unlocking my front door, and I'm watching him in the reflection of the window to see if he looks back or does anything. He is at the house across the street from me, walking across that lawn, and he drops something. He turns around to pick it up, and looks up at me. I open the door before I can see him look away, and go inside and I immediately start crying. I just don't cry anymore, so this was a suprise. I'm just sobbing down as I watch him walk up to his house. I walk to my dogs cage and let him out, and I'm still sobbing. My dog is like "wtf" and just climbs on me and is like trying to make me feel better. I stop crying after like 2 minutes, and sit with my dog for a few minutes more before getting his leash on and walking him, wiping my tears while I walk across the street and pass by his house. He has a few weeks to do something until I give up on him. He still hasn't said anything about it, hasn't thanked me for it, nothing, I handed him my heart in that letter, I can only hope he doesn't break it.

Hey I'm sorry to hear things haven't been going well with the letter you wrote for him.  It sounds like you put in a lot of work and really poured your heart into it, and not getting a response to something so personal can be very anxiety inducing.  You mentioned you're going to wait a few weeks before giving up on him.  I wonder too if you consider it an option to ask about it when you happen to have a moment with him?  It sounds really hard what you're going through and how you handle it is totally up to you.  I hope that get a chance to hear from him soon.

[Madeleine_357]

1 hour ago, Catsup said:

Hey I'm sorry to hear things haven't been going well with the letter you wrote for him.  It sounds like you put in a lot of work and really poured your heart into it, and not getting a response to something so personal can be very anxiety inducing.  You mentioned you're going to wait a few weeks before giving up on him.  I wonder too if you consider it an option to ask about it when you happen to have a moment with him?  It sounds really hard what you're going through and how you handle it is totally up to you.  I hope that get a chance to hear from him soon.

Thanks for the advice, and for understanding. There are two things tho, I never have an opportunity to talk to him, and I don't even know how I would start that. I used to be able to talk to him no problem, but it's al lot harder for me now. I'd consider initiating a conversation with him as the last option. I've barely seen him since I gave him the letter, so I'm hoping seeing him more this week will give him more opportunities to do something. My friend also pointed out it's possible he didn't read it. I didn't sign his name on the front or anything, so he would have had to open in once he pulled it out of his door in order to see what it was. I don't think he's going to see "dear ______" and read the first line without reading all of it. So there may be a chance he didn't read it, but those chances are small. Especially considering the day after I gave him the letter his friends started eyeing me weirdly, 

[Catsup]

21 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Thanks for the advice, and for understanding. There are two things tho, I never have an opportunity to talk to him, and I don't even know how I would start that. I used to be able to talk to him no problem, but it's al lot harder for me now. I'd consider initiating a conversation with him as the last option. I've barely seen him since I gave him the letter, so I'm hoping seeing him more this week will give him more opportunities to do something. My friend also pointed out it's possible he didn't read it. I didn't sign his name on the front or anything, so he would have had to open in once he pulled it out of his door in order to see what it was. I don't think he's going to see "dear ______" and read the first line without reading all of it. So there may be a chance he didn't read it, but those chances are small. Especially considering the day after I gave him the letter his friends started eyeing me weirdly, 

You're very welcome, and that all makes sense and it sounds like you're doing what you can with the situation.  I'm glad you have reached out to friends as well as here, since this is a hard thing to just keep to yourself.  Do keep us updated if you'd like!

[Madeleine_357]

1 hour ago, Catsup said:

You're very welcome, and that all makes sense and it sounds like you're doing what you can with the situation.  I'm glad you have reached out to friends as well as here, since this is a hard thing to just keep to yourself.  Do keep us updated if you'd like!

Thanks. And speaking of updates, I was standing at my locker getting my stuff and out of the corner of my eye I just see him walk towards me, stop, stand there looking at me, and walk away somewhere, but I didn't see where we went. It's almost like he was considering coming up to me, and then changed his mind. Either that or I'm delusional.