Formal Event

[Dewdrop]

Hello! So, tomorrow my dad and I are going to a fancy ballet/dance/thing. One of the rules for attending is that the audience has to wear formal clothes, which I do not own (because I prefer comfortable clothes). For a while, my dad and I have been talking about getting me some fancy stuff to wear, and a few weeks ago we went to our local fancy clothes store. I saw some things I liked, a black jacket and pants that I thought would look good on me. However, I had an appointment scheduled that day, so Dad and I had to leave without trying anything on.

Today, I went back to the store with my mom, since my dad is out of town until tonight. We entered the store, and Mom made a beeline for the dresses. I told her several times that I did not want to wear a dress, but she kept picking out dresses for me to try on. Eventually I just said sure, fine. I got to try on the dresses, which I didn't like. I have never really worn a dress, and I am also autistic with sensory sensitivities, so the feeling of the skirt on my legs was very uncomfortable. The fabric was too thin and the neckline was too low (it was actually pretty high but it felt low for me) and when I walked around the store I bunched the skirt up around my hips because it felt like I was going to trip and faceplant. The employees at the store kept telling me how great I looked, which I didn't like because I was feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable in the dress. That dress was actually okay, the others were too short and too confusing and I couldn't figure out where all the straps went. I asked Mom if I could try on some pants, and her response was: "Why?" 

I tried on pants, which helped with the feeling of the fabric on my legs. I tried on some shoes too, but the heels were too high and the toe of the shoe squished my foot together. I asked the lady in the store if she had any other black shoes, because the heels were too high on the ones I was trying. She said, "Those heels are too high?!" and looked at me like something her dog barfed up on the carpet. The store only sold high-heeled shoes, so we didn't buy any. However, I did have to buy the dress. I managed to score the pants as well, but my mom looked surprised when I told her I wanted to wear the pants under the dress. 

So, I'm going to the ballet/dance/thing tomorrow, and I have to wear a dress. I didn't like the clothes store, and I just wanted to scream, "I'm not a girl! Stop giving me dresses! This is the 21st century; I'm allowed to wear pants!"

I'm not sure how anyone could help with this, but I kind of just wanted to rant about it. It was an uncomfortable experiance.

[Hawthorne11]

Gah, that's really terrible. I get in trouble a lot for not wanting to wear dresses and wearing pants instead, so I get where you're coming from. That would drive me insane and I totally understand the feeling of not being able to say no and actually do what you want. I have to agree, clothing expectations are really sexist, I'm not even allowed to wear sweatpants to school. Definitely uncomfortable, I am really sorry you had to deal with that.

[Catsup]

3 hours ago, Dewdrop said:

Hello! So, tomorrow my dad and I are going to a fancy ballet/dance/thing. One of the rules for attending is that the audience has to wear formal clothes, which I do not own (because I prefer comfortable clothes). For a while, my dad and I have been talking about getting me some fancy stuff to wear, and a few weeks ago we went to our local fancy clothes store. I saw some things I liked, a black jacket and pants that I thought would look good on me. However, I had an appointment scheduled that day, so Dad and I had to leave without trying anything on.

Today, I went back to the store with my mom, since my dad is out of town until tonight. We entered the store, and Mom made a beeline for the dresses. I told her several times that I did not want to wear a dress, but she kept picking out dresses for me to try on. Eventually I just said sure, fine. I got to try on the dresses, which I didn't like. I have never really worn a dress, and I am also autistic with sensory sensitivities, so the feeling of the skirt on my legs was very uncomfortable. The fabric was too thin and the neckline was too low (it was actually pretty high but it felt low for me) and when I walked around the store I bunched the skirt up around my hips because it felt like I was going to trip and faceplant. The employees at the store kept telling me how great I looked, which I didn't like because I was feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable in the dress. That dress was actually okay, the others were too short and too confusing and I couldn't figure out where all the straps went. I asked Mom if I could try on some pants, and her response was: "Why?" 

I tried on pants, which helped with the feeling of the fabric on my legs. I tried on some shoes too, but the heels were too high and the toe of the shoe squished my foot together. I asked the lady in the store if she had any other black shoes, because the heels were too high on the ones I was trying. She said, "Those heels are too high?!" and looked at me like something her dog barfed up on the carpet. The store only sold high-heeled shoes, so we didn't buy any. However, I did have to buy the dress. I managed to score the pants as well, but my mom looked surprised when I told her I wanted to wear the pants under the dress. 

So, I'm going to the ballet/dance/thing tomorrow, and I have to wear a dress. I didn't like the clothes store, and I just wanted to scream, "I'm not a girl! Stop giving me dresses! This is the 21st century; I'm allowed to wear pants!"

I'm not sure how anyone could help with this, but I kind of just wanted to rant about it. It was an uncomfortable experiance.

Hi I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors here.  I'm sorry to hear that your choices with the clothing weren't respected.  That sounds incredibly frustrating to deal with and I'm glad you got to rant a bit here.  You mentioned originally going with your dad to a store?  Was he more supportive of what you wanted, and if he is, would you consider talking to him too?  Would your mom reconsider with a more serious conversation, or is that not an option?

By the way, don't feel a need to problem solve with me, if you wanted to just vent a bit.  You sound very aware of where you're at with your self-expression, and I do hope that you get more chances soon to express yourself in these situations in the near future! 

[Dewdrop]

20 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hi I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors here.  I'm sorry to hear that your choices with the clothing weren't respected.  That sounds incredibly frustrating to deal with and I'm glad you got to rant a bit here.  You mentioned originally going with your dad to a store?  Was he more supportive of what you wanted, and if he is, would you consider talking to him too?  Would your mom reconsider with a more serious conversation, or is that not an option?

By the way, don't feel a need to problem solve with me, if you wanted to just vent a bit.  You sound very aware of where you're at with your self-expression, and I do hope that you get more chances soon to express yourself in these situations in the near future! 

Hi Catsup! My dad understood that I didn't want a dress, so he was more supportive. There's not really a lot of options for reconsideration, since: a) the dress was EXPENSIVE, b) the ballet is in 4 hours, and c) my mom already took me to get my nails done to match the dress. Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it. 

[Dewdrop]

On 4/14/2023 at 2:53 PM, AceOfSpades said:

Gah, that's really terrible. I get in trouble a lot for not wanting to wear dresses and wearing pants instead, so I get where you're coming from. That would drive me insane and I totally understand the feeling of not being able to say no and actually do what you want. I have to agree, clothing expectations are really sexist, I'm not even allowed to wear sweatpants to school. Definitely uncomfortable, I am really sorry you had to deal with that.

I know, it's really annoying sometimes how sexist clothing expectations are. I'm glad that my school doesn't have a dress code, other than the rule that you must wear clothes to school (which is mostly just common sense). 

[Luie]

On 4/15/2023 at 10:00 PM, Dewdrop said:

I know, it's really annoying sometimes how sexist clothing expectations are. I'm glad that my school doesn't have a dress code, other than the rule that you must wear clothes to school (which is mostly just common sense). 

 

I totally see why this can be so frustrating and it totally is like you are being judged or limited by societal expectations related to clothing based on your gender. It's great to hear that your school @Dewdrophas a flexible dress code policy that allows students to express themselves while still being respectful and appropriate for the school environment. I think it's important for society to move towards a more inclusive and accepting approach to clothing, where people are not judged or limited based on their gender identity. Everyone should be able to dress in a way that makes them feel comfortable and confident, without fear of discrimination or stigma. Sounds a little utopic I know, but I think we are breaking a lot of glass ceilings this past decade, what do you think?