nouser6 Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 I have a friend of the past 14 years but things have been so off lately. They never want to hang out with me and claim that its because they think ill say no. They dont include me when making plans with mutual friends and they use me for someone to talk to jut never listen. I love them so much i really do but i dont think that the feeling is mutual anymore. I dont have a lot of other friends and i think it would really hurt me to break up this friendship. But is it inevitably going to end in devastation?? We have two weeks off for easte rbreak and they are not willing to make any plans with me. But i know that them and two of our friends made plans without me. What should i do? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 Hi, I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors here. Welcome here to the forum! It sounds like your friend is not making the effort to get together like you used to, which is hard. Friendships, even ones that have lasted a long time, can drift apart. Do you notice any negative comments or behaviors from this friend, or is it just that they are not making an effort? I think it makes sense that you want to maybe stop being friends, but the other option might be keeping them as a more distant friend. What do you think about keeping the friendship but hanging out less? 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouser6 Posted April 2, 2023 Author Share Posted April 2, 2023 (edited) Well we used to be like sisters and i think its a very difficult thing because of how deeply we are wound together. I dont want our friendship to end but i cant keep going and acting as though im okay woth being left out. However when ive brought it up in the past theyve dismissed it and told me that im a bad friend and theyre allowed to have other friends. I tried to explain to them that i know that i just miss them but they dismissed that too. Is there a way i can slavage it? Edited April 2, 2023 by sun_moon_stars3 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 1 minute ago, sun_moon_stars3 said: Well we used to be like sisters and i think its a very difficult thing because of how deeply we are wound together. I dont wantour friendship to end but i cant keep going and acting as though im okay woth being left out. However wjen ive brought it up in the past theyve dismissed it and told me that im a bad friend and their allowed to have other friends. I tried to exolain to them that i know that i just miss them but they dismissed that too. Hi, the fact that your friend dismissed your concerns and labeled you as a bad friend does sound pretty problematic on their end. I can really see why you'd want to leave the friendship even though they've been in your life a long time. If you were to leave the friendship, how do you think you might go about doing that? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouser6 Posted April 2, 2023 Author Share Posted April 2, 2023 (edited) Ive really no idea. I think it would be really hard to try untangle our lives. All my friends are their friends and i dont have friends that they arent friends with. They have loads of other friends but im scared to lose mine. I think if i slowly tried to distnace myself from them it would be ok. We could still share friends but i wouldn't have to feel so down because of them all the time. Any suggestions on what i could do? Edited April 2, 2023 by sun_moon_stars3 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 4 minutes ago, sun_moon_stars3 said: Ive really no idea. I think it would be really hard to try untangle our lives. All my friends are their friends and i dont have friends that they arent friends with. They have loads of other friends but im scared to lose mine. I think if i slowly tried to distnace myself from them it would be ok. We could still share friends but i wouldn't have to feel so down because of them all the time. Any suggestions on what i could do? I think you have a good idea with distancing. Since you said this friend does not make much effort to get together, it might make sense for you to simply stop trying to hang out with them. It can be hard when you have a lot of mutual friends, so it makes sense you do not want to cause too much conflict. I think it definitely sounds possible to keep your general friend group while not inviting your other friend to hang out. Do you think that sounds possible to you? 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouser6 Posted April 2, 2023 Author Share Posted April 2, 2023 Yeah i think even though it will be hard it has to happen. Maybe eventually we can get back to where we were but right now i think i have to distance myself from the. Thank you for your help. 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 5 minutes ago, sun_moon_stars3 said: Yeah i think even though it will be hard it has to happen. Maybe eventually we can get back to where we were but right now i think i have to distance myself from the. Thank you for your help. You are very welcome! And like you said, hopefully things can get better with the friendship, but it sounds like you have a good plan for the time being. 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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