is this feeling normal?

[grey]

I've always struggled to make friends for as long as I can remember. I've been bullied in the past, so I think that may have something to do with it. When I do make friends, I'm usually the friend that people think last, if even at all, and in friend groups was constantly being left out of things. So I went to university, not expecting to make any friends at all. Miraculously, I've got a good group of friends and I treasure their friendship greatly. However, a few friends have been meeting up, and I've been left out. I don't want to be a bad friend, but is it normal to feel hurt by it? Logically, they probably haven't done it with malice, but I can't help but feel like the throwaway friend again and that I've maybe misjudged what they think of me. 

[Aurora]

On 3/30/2023 at 11:51 AM, grey said:

I've always struggled to make friends for as long as I can remember. I've been bullied in the past, so I think that may have something to do with it. When I do make friends, I'm usually the friend that people think last, if even at all, and in friend groups was constantly being left out of things. So I went to university, not expecting to make any friends at all. Miraculously, I've got a good group of friends and I treasure their friendship greatly. However, a few friends have been meeting up, and I've been left out. I don't want to be a bad friend, but is it normal to feel hurt by it? Logically, they probably haven't done it with malice, but I can't help but feel like the throwaway friend again and that I've maybe misjudged what they think of me. 

Hi there, thank you for letting us know what's been going on for you. I can totally understand why you are feeling hurt that your friends have been meeting up without you. I think most of us feel hurt when we get the impression that we are being left out. But as you said there is a good chance that they haven't been doing it on purpose. You strike me as a very reflective person and it's great that you don't jump to conclusions straight away. 

You mentioned that you were bullied in the past. I'm really sorry to hear that. I wanted to reassure you that none of it was your fault and it's never OK for someone to bully you. It's only natural that this will have had an impact on your own wellbeing. I can imagine that your past experiences probably also affect the trust you have in your friends and friendships now. What do you think? I'm wondering, do you think it would help if you talked to your friends? You might not want to talk to all of them but maybe there is someone within your friendship group who you feel more comfortable with and who you think might understand you? Maybe by explaining what has happened to you in the past, it might help your friend realise why it's upsetting for you to find out that they have been meeting up without you. How does that sound?