How to be better with responses

[Gremlin]

Hello people of the internet! 
 

For some time now i have realized that a lot of my friends have been coming to me recently about their personal struggles. I feel really good and honored to be that outlet for them.  Getting things off of their chest, and I’m always happy to lend a ear or shoulder whenever they need.
 

But when It comes to advice to give them I tend to become speechless, I can understand completely how they feel on there personal issues 100%. Whenever I try putting it into words I’m a stuttering mess which turn into rambles. The times that I do give advice it’s really bad and can come off as toxic positivity which I know I get from my parents.
 

I feel really guilty for giving toxic positivity responses or short answers for my friends they deserve so much more the “it will work itself out”. Im so stuck on what to do.

[Luie]

On 3/16/2023 at 4:20 AM, Gremlin said:

Hello people of the internet! 
 

For some time now i have realized that a lot of my friends have been coming to me recently about their personal struggles. I feel really good and honored to be that outlet for them.  Getting things off of their chest, and I’m always happy to lend a ear or shoulder whenever they need.
 

But when It comes to advice to give them I tend to become speechless, I can understand completely how they feel on there personal issues 100%. Whenever I try putting it into words I’m a stuttering mess which turn into rambles. The times that I do give advice it’s really bad and can come off as toxic positivity which I know I get from my parents.
 

I feel really guilty for giving toxic positivity responses or short answers for my friends they deserve so much more the “it will work itself out”. Im so stuck on what to do.

Heyy @Gremlin, I totally see what you mean. I am sorry that there is so much guilt you've been carrying with you, it can be tough to respond to people struggling, there are multiple ways of saying things, however, I'd recommend starting with active listening with your friends, which basically means being present and truly listening to them without being ready to say something immediately, from my experience, people majority of the time know what to do, but they need a space to be vulnerable and share their side of the story and have someone listen to them and say it back in a way they can understand what's going on. Does this sound helpful in any way for you?