Love Limbo (it’s complicated)

[TinyDinos]

Okay, this post is gonna be a doozy.

I’m currently in a “relationship” for lack of better terms. I absolutely adore her, and I think we have romantic tension, but we also are both pretty new to the concept of “dating” (again, for lack of better terms.) I’m in a weird position where there are no labels on what exactly we are, and a major contributor to this is that I keep using the term “best friend” bc my mom is kinda homophobic. 

HOWEVER,

when we’re just talking between ourselves we’re not exactly dating either :/

we’re definitely more than friends, but we’re not quite partners if you know what I mean. And that in and of itself makes it hard to observe boundaries. I want to be respectful of the boundaries that were kinda set (I’ll get a bit more into that in a min) but also when you’re in a romantic relationship, I feel there’s a bit more responsibility that comes w boundaries and being concerned in a healthy way. But I don’t know where I stand w her sometimes, and I want to be able to choose the best course of action to support her without overstepping. 

We’ve kinda had conversations about boundaries before, and she has mentioned how important freedom and independence are to her, and has requested to have space when she goes through a rough time. I’ve tried my best to acknowledge that without being neglectful and I’m not really the best at replying to messages to begin with. We had a conversation about that too, and how she values being cared for as well via check ins, and asking how she’s doing. I tried this time around to check in more and pay more attention to her while still emphasizing that there’s no pressure to reply if she’s not up to it, and that I won’t be offended or anything, and she seems fine with it, but I know that something still isn’t right. I worry that I’m coming across as clingy, or pushy and I don’t want to do that either. But im scared of pulling away too much and she thinks I don’t care/I’m ignoring her. 

I keep getting mixed signals and I really want to support her in the best way possible because I really do love her more than anything and I want her to genuinely be happy and love herself too in a way that’s comfortable to her, but I worry that im majorly screwing up even if I have good intentions behind my actions. I don’t know what to do, or how to help. I feel like she’s saying one thing to spare my feelings, but she really feels another way about it and won’t tell me. I think it might be my trust issues talking, but I can’t help being paranoid that I don’t have all of the information, and by extension, can’t make a decision to support her that will actually be effective.

to make matters worse I think I made a mistake by telling her about my prom news. The tl;dr of it all is that im going with my guy friend that I’ve known for a long time (my relationship with the aforementioned person is long distance so I can’t go with her even though I really rather would T^T). So I’m going w him, and I told her about it, and she seems upset even though she says she’s happy for me about it and stuff. It’s so weird because we don’t have labels on ANYTHING, so I don’t know where I stand at all. In my reasoning there wasn’t a problem with telling her because he is in every way, shape, and form, just a friend, and it’s not a new thing for him to be my “date” (for lack of better terms) to a dance. (I have more details in my prom post). I think she’s upset about it, and once again we aren’t talking about it, because I want to give her space and not overstep.

im literally so confused and I don’t know at all what to do. I know I’m doing something wrong, and would greatly appreciate advice as far as what to change/do differently, or start doing that I haven’t done before that I should start doing, or things I shouldn’t have done so I know to avoid them in the future, or any advice in general would be greatly appreciated.

[Molly9090]

 Hi, @TinyTurtles. From my guess, she has feelings for you - but because you guys aren't official yet, she doesn't know how to act, either. I think one of the best approaches to take is to encourage her to be open with you, and to not shy away from telling you the truth of how she feels, and why. It's great to hear that you guys are talking about boundaries and what you two like to do or feel, but an important aspect of maintaining any relationship is through honesty in open communications, and if you feel she is upset, I think you should ask her how she feels about the situation, and once again, encourage her to tell her how you feel.

Overall, though, it's really nice to hear that you're willing to put in the effort to make her feel appreciated and happy. I hope this post helped, and I wish you the best of luck. ^^