Do you think I have a chance?

[Madeleine_357]

So. This guy and his gf are broken up right? Well we had a convo over text the other days. This was the convo we had. So we had a very dry convo and I may or may not have called him out on it.

Me: Is every convo we have going to be like this.

Him: Like what

Me: Forced.

Him: Wdym

Me: well not forced just like you don't seem like you actually want to have a conversation.

Him: well there's nm to have a convo ab

Me: well we don't have much to talk about over text bec we don't talk irl. If we don't even talk sometimes over text we don't talk at all. 

Him: yea ig

Then I sent him a meme of a guy holding up a sign that says "i don't want to leave you on read but I don't know how to respond."

He sent to crying emojis.

Me: Hence the meme

Him: ahhh

Me: I actually didn't know how to respond.

Me: (I replied to his story which was a voice filter and a video of this girl, who has a bf, talking but you couldn't understand what she was saying bec of the filter and him just waving in the background) You've actually posted on your story??? congrats this is a momentous occasion! (this is the first time I've seen him post on his story)

Him: No I didn't know

Him: she took my phone

Him: I didn't realise

Him: I thought it was hers

Me: LMAO

Me: fr?

Him: ye
Me: HAHAHAH

Me: you should post stuff more often

Him: Nope not my thing

Me: lmao that doesn't even surprise me

Me: Are you implying that it's MY thing :O

Him: No I'm just saying I don't like to *crying emoji*

Me: Bro I'm just teasing you *crying emoji x2*

Him: Ahhhh

Me: The way you say "ahhhh" like you have unlocked a very valuable piece of info *crying emoji*

Him: *crying emoji 2x*

Me: fr tho *crying emoji x3*

and that's kinda where it ended. What really struck me was how fast he replied to me commenting on his story. Like he didn't want me to think he knew that girl was filming that. And also lately he's been staring at me a lot. My friends and I were sitting in the foyer and so were his friends and I was doing this thing with my friend where I was leaning backwards and I would be holding her hand to keep me up and my other friend said he kept looking at me. Even when we were just sitting on the benchs she said he was looking at me. When I was across the foyer he looks at me. When we're eating lunch in the cafeteria, he and his friends sit on the benchs in the foyer that allow him to see in through the cafeteria doors that are between the cafe and the foyer and he can see me through the windows every time, and when we're done lunch and put our stuff back in our lockers, we walk to the foyer and he and his friends are gone. We walk around normally during lunch and I just thought it was weird that he always seems to sit where he can see me and then leave the foyer when we leave the cafe. I came into drama which is first period right behind him and when I walked in the doors bro turned around and STARED. and watched me get a chair, he literally turned to watch me get a chair before getting a chair himself, I catch him looking at me all the time. I caught him staring and glancing even when he was still with his gf. And I found this video on my phone where he's looking at me and his eyes SOFTENED. Do you think I have a chance? He also seemed relieved and happy when I turned around in my chair during drama to tell him I liked the hat we was wearing in one of the assingments we had to do (which was video taped and what was what we were watching whrn I turned around) and told him he did a good job. Do you think I have a chance?

[sanholo]

Based on how many specific moments you pointed out and the detail with which you pointed them out, correct me if I'm wrong but my assumption here is you would like to be with this guy (I'll call him Gary, can't think of another name at this hour). The good news is I can try to walk you through the mind of this "Gary" guy; because although I didn't have this precise interaction or a girlfriend like Gary had, based on what you've described it sounds like I was a "Gary" at point.

The first question I'd like to ask: do you think Gary is generally outgoing or more reserved? My presumption is the latter, as his behavior, though not identical, is similar to how I reacted to Sally (let's say that's the person that I took interest in). If it truly is the latter, I would say that with almost near certainty this Gary guy absolutely adores you. A fair warning here: I'm missing many context details and am certainly not "Gary", in his shoes or your shoes in the same school, etc, so please do not take this as fact. I'm just here to give some perspective.

Based on the age you have listed for this site, you're either in middle school or perhaps early high school. I was a pretty reserved person during those years, so being expressive in general, and especially to someone like"Sally", was not something I was keen on doing. Now if you sprinkle in general high school anxiety — be it classes, sports, family issues, growing pains (literally), acne, and a whole slew of other things that come with the package — what you're basically left with would be someone who really doesn't know what to do with, what to say to, or how to react to someone they actually really care like. It takes a certain level of comfort with oneself and confidence in oneself for someone like me (or "Gary") to go up to someone like Sally and say (something like [summarized]) "hey I think you're really interesting/cute/whatever, do you maybe wanna hang out?" I myself never grew comfortable enough to Sally, and I regretted heavily for a long time (and frankly still do, but I've moved past that phase of my life now and am looking forward more). That is hence why I'm here writing this message to you: it sounds like you would like to have chances with this guy, and if I'd like to help make that happen if I can.

So do you have chances? Absolutely. But you may need to initiator at the start to give Gary something he can go off of. Personally, had I that "hook" to go off of, I would have been able to keep a conversation going, or would have at least had an excuse to keep talking to Sally, etc. This is especially true if you don't know each other very well: personally, I found it more difficult to approach Sally because we didn't have any shared friend groups, histories, etc. and the same may be true for Gary. What does your intuition tell you?

[Catsup]

15 minutes ago, Madeleine_357 said:

So. This guy and his gf are broken up right? Well we had a convo over text the other days. This was the convo we had. So we had a very dry convo and I may or may not have called him out on it.

Me: Is every convo we have going to be like this.

Him: Like what

Me: Forced.

Him: Wdym

Me: well not forced just like you don't seem like you actually want to have a conversation.

Him: well there's nm to have a convo ab

Me: well we don't have much to talk about over text bec we don't talk irl. If we don't even talk sometimes over text we don't talk at all. 

Him: yea ig

Then I sent him a meme of a guy holding up a sign that says "i don't want to leave you on read but I don't know how to respond."

He sent to crying emojis.

Me: Hence the meme

Him: ahhh

Me: I actually didn't know how to respond.

Me: (I replied to his story which was a voice filter and a video of this girl, who has a bf, talking but you couldn't understand what she was saying bec of the filter and him just waving in the background) You've actually posted on your story??? congrats this is a momentous occasion! (this is the first time I've seen him post on his story)

Him: No I didn't know

Him: she took my phone

Him: I didn't realise

Him: I thought it was hers

Me: LMAO

Me: fr?

Him: ye
Me: HAHAHAH

Me: you should post stuff more often

Him: Nope not my thing

Me: lmao that doesn't even surprise me

Me: Are you implying that it's MY thing :O

Him: No I'm just saying I don't like to *crying emoji*

Me: Bro I'm just teasing you *crying emoji x2*

Him: Ahhhh

Me: The way you say "ahhhh" like you have unlocked a very valuable piece of info *crying emoji*

Him: *crying emoji 2x*

Me: fr tho *crying emoji x3*

and that's kinda where it ended. What really struck me was how fast he replied to me commenting on his story. Like he didn't want me to think he knew that girl was filming that. And also lately he's been staring at me a lot. My friends and I were sitting in the foyer and so were his friends and I was doing this thing with my friend where I was leaning backwards and I would be holding her hand to keep me up and my other friend said he kept looking at me. Even when we were just sitting on the benchs she said he was looking at me. When I was across the foyer he looks at me. When we're eating lunch in the cafeteria, he and his friends sit on the benchs in the foyer that allow him to see in through the cafeteria doors that are between the cafe and the foyer and he can see me through the windows every time, and when we're done lunch and put our stuff back in our lockers, we walk to the foyer and he and his friends are gone. We walk around normally during lunch and I just thought it was weird that he always seems to sit where he can see me and then leave the foyer when we leave the cafe. I came into drama which is first period right behind him and when I walked in the doors bro turned around and STARED. and watched me get a chair, he literally turned to watch me get a chair before getting a chair himself, I catch him looking at me all the time. I caught him staring and glancing even when he was still with his gf. And I found this video on my phone where he's looking at me and his eyes SOFTENED. Do you think I have a chance? He also seemed relieved and happy when I turned around in my chair during drama to tell him I liked the hat we was wearing in one of the assingments we had to do (which was video taped and what was what we were watching whrn I turned around) and told him he did a good job. Do you think I have a chance?

Hi, this is Catsup, one of the support mentors.  @sanholo gave a great perspective and insight into this!

I also think it's very possible your friend is interested, since you two communicate regularly and it also seems like he is paying a lot of attention to you at school.   I'd also like to ask, if he were interested, what would you want to do with that information?  Assuming you are interested, would you consider asking him out, or are you wanting to wait for him to make a move?  

[Madeleine_357]

17 hours ago, sanholo said:

Based on how many specific moments you pointed out and the detail with which you pointed them out, correct me if I'm wrong but my assumption here is you would like to be with this guy (I'll call him Gary, can't think of another name at this hour). The good news is I can try to walk you through the mind of this "Gary" guy; because although I didn't have this precise interaction or a girlfriend like Gary had, based on what you've described it sounds like I was a "Gary" at point.

The first question I'd like to ask: do you think Gary is generally outgoing or more reserved? My presumption is the latter, as his behavior, though not identical, is similar to how I reacted to Sally (let's say that's the person that I took interest in). If it truly is the latter, I would say that with almost near certainty this Gary guy absolutely adores you. A fair warning here: I'm missing many context details and am certainly not "Gary", in his shoes or your shoes in the same school, etc, so please do not take this as fact. I'm just here to give some perspective.

Based on the age you have listed for this site, you're either in middle school or perhaps early high school. I was a pretty reserved person during those years, so being expressive in general, and especially to someone like"Sally", was not something I was keen on doing. Now if you sprinkle in general high school anxiety — be it classes, sports, family issues, growing pains (literally), acne, and a whole slew of other things that come with the package — what you're basically left with would be someone who really doesn't know what to do with, what to say to, or how to react to someone they actually really care like. It takes a certain level of comfort with oneself and confidence in oneself for someone like me (or "Gary") to go up to someone like Sally and say (something like [summarized]) "hey I think you're really interesting/cute/whatever, do you maybe wanna hang out?" I myself never grew comfortable enough to Sally, and I regretted heavily for a long time (and frankly still do, but I've moved past that phase of my life now and am looking forward more). That is hence why I'm here writing this message to you: it sounds like you would like to have chances with this guy, and if I'd like to help make that happen if I can.

So do you have chances? Absolutely. But you may need to initiator at the start to give Gary something he can go off of. Personally, had I that "hook" to go off of, I would have been able to keep a conversation going, or would have at least had an excuse to keep talking to Sally, etc. This is especially true if you don't know each other very well: personally, I found it more difficult to approach Sally because we didn't have any shared friend groups, histories, etc. and the same may be true for Gary. What does your intuition tell you?

First of all, thank you this was very insightful. Second we are early highschool. Third, we have a history and know each other quite well. I know something about this kid that he's only told 3 people, and I'm the only one who still cares about him. Honestly, all my friends think I have a chance. And yes you're right he's more reserved. I'd bet my dog that his ex made the first move. I was planning on telling him, I just wanted some insight from other people who are not involved in the situation. If you guys think that I have even the slightest chance, that ups my hopes a lot. We have a lot of history. I'be known him since grade 3, although we really became friends last year. He went through some traumatic stuff as a kid, and he's never told anyone except for me and my two friends, one of which was also friends with him last year. The other one was basically there to make sure I didn't chicken out (we were confronting him bec he was being weird and being B*tchy). So it's not like he's a stranger. That, and he lives a few houses down and his mom waves to me every time she sees me. She's also called me beautiful twice and pretty twice. Twice she shouted from her driveway to mine that I was pretty. We definitely have a history. It's just very confusing but this was VERY helpful thank you so much. It makes me happy to know you think I have a chance. :D

[Madeleine_357]

17 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hi, this is Catsup, one of the support mentors.  @sanholo gave a great perspective and insight into this!

I also think it's very possible your friend is interested, since you two communicate regularly and it also seems like he is paying a lot of attention to you at school.   I'd also like to ask, if he were interested, what would you want to do with that information?  Assuming you are interested, would you consider asking him out, or are you wanting to wait for him to make a move?  

I am interested, and if I knew he were interested, I would make the first move. :)

[sanholo]

Quote

... if I knew he were interested ... [emphasis added]

You can certainly do some more "digging" if you'd like to be more certain, but I don't think you need that. Unfortunately, nobody has a crystal ball to tell you what's going to happen if you approach Gary, so go at it with an open mind and be prepared for any outcome. Keep in mind though that someone like Gary may be overwhelmed initially, so don't think that if he doesn't say X or Y immediately in response to you all is lost. You might have to give it a day or two and let it sink in with Gary. The point here is that you have to be willing to take the risk even in the face of uncertainty — something I only learnt too late. All the signs indicate that things will go very well though; and based on the additional details you provided, I'd probably bet my own dog things will work out :)

[Madeleine_357]

1 hour ago, sanholo said:

You can certainly do some more "digging" if you'd like to be more certain, but I don't think you need that. Unfortunately, nobody has a crystal ball to tell you what's going to happen if you approach Gary, so go at it with an open mind and be prepared for any outcome. Keep in mind though that someone like Gary may be overwhelmed initially, so don't think that if he doesn't say X or Y immediately in response to you all is lost. You might have to give it a day or two and let it sink in with Gary. The point here is that you have to be willing to take the risk even in the face of uncertainty — something I only learnt too late. All the signs indicate that things will go very well though; and based on the additional details you provided, I'd probably bet my own dog things will work out :)

Thank you this actually adds thins on to my hope! Everyone I talk to seems to think it will work out. Obviously I have my doubts, I am now slowly gaining more and more hope! This response helped a lot! Thanks for having so much faith! I was planning on asking if he wants to go for a walk and then telling him, and then as an "EVERYTHING WENT WRONG" plan I have screenshots of a fake convo between me and my friend that shows her daring me to tell him I like him. But that's only if things go horribly wrong! I have more hope things will work out now, tysm! <3