Is it okay for my boyfriend to call me a hoe as a joke?

[ladyofstars]

So... I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years now and honestly he is a sweet person. however, he keeps calling me a hoe "as a joke" most of the time and it kind of bothers me. I am a little sensitive sometimes and I have talked to him about this but he still wouldn't stop calling me these names. I don't really know if this is normal and if I'm just over reacting or if it's something I should be upset about.

[Willow]

Hi LadyofStars,

 

*This is another response on your support request-- in moving to our new Community sofware, some responses were lost in the process. Thank you for your patience during this time that Community has been inaccessible.*

 

I'm sorry your boyfriend is calling you this, especially when you don't want it! How long has be been using this word?

 

You mention trying to speak to him about not using it... how did you bring it up? Did he explain why he wants to use it? Did you get to explain why you don't like it?

 

It's not normal for healthy couples to have such derogatory "pet-names." And even if it was "common," if you don't like it, your wants and needs are valid.

 

If you want to have a deeper conversation with him about this, here's an article on conflict resolution that might be helpful:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/speak-anyone-anything-conflict-resolution/

 

Thank you, so much, for sharing this with us!

 

-willow

[Blondie]

Hey LadyofStars! How are you getting on - were you able to have that conversation with your partner?

[Denna]

I'd say it's only a joke if you're both laughing...

You're definitely not overreacting, but it can be really hard to explain why you don't like something when it's so embedded in our culture as 'normal'! He's probably so used to hearing it, that he doesn't think twice about using it in a 'jokey' way. Maybe talk to him about why he finds it funny to call you that, what it genuinely means, and why it's not as acceptable as he might think? Good luck, and stick to your guns - you're not over-reacting!