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Now I have forced close proximity with his gf. Great.


Madeleine_357    

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Ok so this has gotten even more complicated than I ever thought. His gf is in my group for science. Like desk groups. She's been friendly so far, but when we were doing an activity on monday and she went to get white board markers and a little white board for our desk group of three, she stropped and said something to her friend. I SWEAR she looked over and me and I saw her mouth the words "that girl" to her friend. Then she came and sat down. She must have heard about me from her bf, seeing as I was involved in a lot during grade 8 that involved him, we used to be close, and I know stuff about less than a handful of people know. It would be SO easy for me to be friends with her, but I'd be weird and we'd both get hurt if and when she and my guy friend broke up. That might give me an oppurtunity to finally tell him my feelings, but she'd hate me. On the other hand, if I'm not friends with her, and when and if she breaks up and my friend, if I told him my feelings she'd still hate me, thinking I broke them up on purpose. If I leave it alone and do nothing, I'll worry about it for the rest of my life and wonder if I made the wrong choice by giving up on my guy friend. So many people have given up on him, and I don't plan on being one of them. 

I don't want to do anything to break them up, I'm waiting for it to happen naturally. But if it doesn't happen, I'll live with my feelings buried deep down and I'll be the best friend I can be. I don't want to be the cause of them breaking up, but I hope I eventually get a chance. I just want him to be happy, whether or not it's with me.

And idk what to do about his gf since no matter what I do it's a lose-lose.

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On 2/9/2023 at 2:36 AM, Madeleine_357 said:

Ok so this has gotten even more complicated than I ever thought. His gf is in my group for science. Like desk groups. She's been friendly so far, but when we were doing an activity on monday and she went to get white board markers and a little white board for our desk group of three, she stropped and said something to her friend. I SWEAR she looked over and me and I saw her mouth the words "that girl" to her friend. Then she came and sat down. She must have heard about me from her bf, seeing as I was involved in a lot during grade 8 that involved him, we used to be close, and I know stuff about less than a handful of people know. It would be SO easy for me to be friends with her, but I'd be weird and we'd both get hurt if and when she and my guy friend broke up. That might give me an oppurtunity to finally tell him my feelings, but she'd hate me. On the other hand, if I'm not friends with her, and when and if she breaks up and my friend, if I told him my feelings she'd still hate me, thinking I broke them up on purpose. If I leave it alone and do nothing, I'll worry about it for the rest of my life and wonder if I made the wrong choice by giving up on my guy friend. So many people have given up on him, and I don't plan on being one of them. 

I don't want to do anything to break them up, I'm waiting for it to happen naturally. But if it doesn't happen, I'll live with my feelings buried deep down and I'll be the best friend I can be. I don't want to be the cause of them breaking up, but I hope I eventually get a chance. I just want him to be happy, whether or not it's with me.

And idk what to do about his gf since no matter what I do it's a lose-lose.

Heyy @Madeleine_357, Firstly, big hugs to you. It's never an easy position to be in when you have strong feelings for a close friend and they are with someone else. I can tell that you have a kind, empathetic and loving heart because you're putting his relationship first and being respectful about this whole thing even though it does hurt he does not know how you feel about him. It takes a load of courage to do so. That being said, I hear you on the lose-lose situation with the girlfriend, Do share your thoughts on what you think might happen if you do choose to share about your feelings with your friend? would that lead to a break up for him? 

Another thing I wanted to ask was, not now, but perhaps in the future would you consider moving forward from him whenever you feel ready if you aren't able to express your feelings to him? ( I personally know, how difficult it is to even think about this, so you do not need to answer if it's a lot for you to think about)

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4 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @Madeleine_357, Firstly, big hugs to you. It's never an easy position to be in when you have strong feelings for a close friend and they are with someone else. I can tell that you have a kind, empathetic and loving heart because you're putting his relationship first and being respectful about this whole thing even though it does hurt he does not know how you feel about him. It takes a load of courage to do so. That being said, I hear you on the lose-lose situation with the girlfriend, Do share your thoughts on what you think might happen if you do choose to share about your feelings with your friend? would that lead to a break up for him? 

Another thing I wanted to ask was, not now, but perhaps in the future would you consider moving forward from him whenever you feel ready if you aren't able to express your feelings to him? ( I personally know, how difficult it is to even think about this, so you do not need to answer if it's a lot for you to think about)

I don't know if it would lead to a break up honestly. I can't read him as well as I used to. I would consider moving foreword when I know there 100% no chance of anything ever happening. I don't know what he's feeling right now, which makes it difficult to say.

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14 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

I don't know if it would lead to a break up honestly. I can't read him as well as I used to. I would consider moving foreword when I know there 100% no chance of anything ever happening. I don't know what he's feeling right now, which makes it difficult to say.

That's fair, I am wondering how you're thinking of finding out how he feels about you without causing any friction between him and his girlfriend? (Is there any way of finding out through your mutual friends perhaps? - Just a thought)

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2 hours ago, Luie said:

That's fair, I am wondering how you're thinking of finding out how he feels about you without causing any friction between him and his girlfriend? (Is there any way of finding out through your mutual friends perhaps? - Just a thought)

We honestly don't really have mutual friends who still are friends with him. He's still friends with some of his friends from last year, but I'm really the only one who's still trying. All his other friends are new. None of my friends are friends with him anymore. I honestly don't know if there's a way to find out how he feels about me without straight up asking him, and if I did straight up ask. he wouldn't tell me the truth.

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16 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

We honestly don't really have mutual friends who still are friends with him. He's still friends with some of his friends from last year, but I'm really the only one who's still trying. All his other friends are new. None of my friends are friends with him anymore. I honestly don't know if there's a way to find out how he feels about me without straight up asking him, and if I did straight up ask. he wouldn't tell me the truth.

Would messaging/writing a letter be helpful? This might take away from the confrontational nature of what you're seeking. You can perhaps mention in the message or letter about how you're doing your best to be mindful of his relationship but you also want to be honest and look out for yourself and your feelings for a while now. Also, making sure to let him know that you're not looking to hurt his current relationship, this clarification will help you move forward if there is nothing to share from his end. What do you think @Madeleine_357?

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2 hours ago, Luie said:

Would messaging/writing a letter be helpful? This might take away from the confrontational nature of what you're seeking. You can perhaps mention in the message or letter about how you're doing your best to be mindful of his relationship but you also want to be honest and look out for yourself and your feelings for a while now. Also, making sure to let him know that you're not looking to hurt his current relationship, this clarification will help you move forward if there is nothing to share from his end. What do you think @Madeleine_357?

I don't think it would be a good idea to tell him right now, seeing as I'm still trying to fix our actual friendship. I'm also considering the fact that he might tell his gf about it, and if he doesn't feel the same way, it could make things worse. I'm also still trying to figure out what these feelings actually mean. I think it's too early to consider telling him, and if I did, it would make his whole relationship with his gf awkward knowing that I like him. It would also ruin any chance I have right now of us becoming friends again. I really don't think that at this point in time I should tell him how I feel. I just think it would have too many negative consequences. Even if I said I wasn't trying to ruin anything, he might not take it that way. And if his gf finds out, she could get mad.

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On 2/12/2023 at 3:35 PM, Madeleine_357 said:

I don't think it would be a good idea to tell him right now, seeing as I'm still trying to fix our actual friendship. I'm also considering the fact that he might tell his gf about it, and if he doesn't feel the same way, it could make things worse. I'm also still trying to figure out what these feelings actually mean. I think it's too early to consider telling him, and if I did, it would make his whole relationship with his gf awkward knowing that I like him. It would also ruin any chance I have right now of us becoming friends again. I really don't think that at this point in time I should tell him how I feel. I just think it would have too many negative consequences. Even if I said I wasn't trying to ruin anything, he might not take it that way. And if his gf finds out, she could get mad.

I respect your decision, I know it's a challenging one but it makes complete sense and I see how you've given a lot of thought. The only thing I'd like to add on is please do take care of yourself and if at any point certain thoughts come to your mind and you feel a downward spiral of emotions, know that this is a safe space for you to share what's on your mind and I am happy to revisit this with you and talk more if needed. Does this all sound okay for now @Madeleine_357? 

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5 hours ago, Luie said:

I respect your decision, I know it's a challenging one but it makes complete sense and I see how you've given a lot of thought. The only thing I'd like to add on is please do take care of yourself and if at any point certain thoughts come to your mind and you feel a downward spiral of emotions, know that this is a safe space for you to share what's on your mind and I am happy to revisit this with you and talk more if needed. Does this all sound okay for now @Madeleine_357? 

Yes, I have given it a lot of thought. Every possible outcome has come into my brain at one point. And yes I know this is a safe space. Thanks for helping. :) yup it sounds great! :D

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18 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Yes, I have given it a lot of thought. Every possible outcome has come into my brain at one point. And yes I know this is a safe space. Thanks for helping. :) yup it sounds great! :D

Perfect, All the best! You got this. 

Season 10 Hug GIF by Friends

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10 hours ago, Luie said:

Perfect, All the best! You got this. 

Season 10 Hug GIF by Friends

Thanks. :D

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