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TinyDinos    

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Okay.

I’m not very good socially when it comes to other kids my age. Babies? Excellent. I know every tip and trick in the book to keep them happy and not crying. Little kids and elementary schoolers? Just fine. I know plenty of fun activities to keep them entertained and having fun in a healthy way. Pre-teens? I’m pretty good, a few of them are extra tough but for the most part they’re okay. Teenagers?

I shut down. I physically can’t do it. I start shaking uncontrollably, I feel nauseous, sometimes I throw up or hide in the bathroom because I can’t help but cry. A majority of the time it’s just the trembling and nausea and I just sit quietly away from everyone, maybe bring headphones. This makes it so hard to make friends, so I spend a lot of time with my siblings.

I wonder why I get so debilitated around my peers, and nobody else (as long as they’re in a reasonably sized group of course, too many people at once also renders this reaction). Even being around close friends that I’ve known for years gives me this panic over saying something wrong, or feeling guilty for not talking more, etc. I’m also really self conscious about what I talk about. Due to my past experiences I learned not to talk about personal home experiences esp when it pertains to my parents. The other thing I’m careful about is talking about my interests. This is because I’ll get really interested in certain books, an animal, music artist, or a fandom, little things like that, and I’ll do like, deep dives and research the hell out of them and know everything from the release date of the next installment to the actors/author’s birthdays.

I didn’t know this was wrong until my sister (13) had started teasing me in public when I made a reference to a tv show I like. She started saying that I was “obsessed with it and that it’s the only thing I ever talk about and it’s kinda annoying”. I didn’t realize that it was something I did and I told her that she talked a lot about her favorite anime and that was all she wanted to talk about and buy merch for, etc. and she said that she likes multiple things and I don’t like anything else but one thing and it makes it boring and annoying to talk to me, and I asked her to stop repeatedly and then she accused me of changing my appearance to look like one of the characters (which I didn’t, and I find really ironic for her to say because she cosplays all of the time in public). She kept with it for the rest of the day even though my stepdad told her to stop too.

I was really upset after this and just stopped talking to her about it and going out of my way to not talk about my interests because I don’t want to be boring or annoying and obsessive. A few weeks later she asks why I’m so upset with her and I tell her about how upset I was bc of her comments and she apologized claiming “it was just a joke, I though you knew that and that’s why I kept saying it.” And I asked her why I would ask her to stop if I thought she was joking, and why she would find that funny. She said “idk I just thought it was funny. I like that stuff too. It’s just that like, at least I talk about other things. You get into something and it’s the only thing you ever want to talk about, and that probably why people don’t talk to you and stuff. I was trying to help you, so like that’s what I was saying.” 😐

So then I tried to not talk about anything that I like, and I still don’t have friends. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

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19 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Okay.

I’m not very good socially when it comes to other kids my age. Babies? Excellent. I know every tip and trick in the book to keep them happy and not crying. Little kids and elementary schoolers? Just fine. I know plenty of fun activities to keep them entertained and having fun in a healthy way. Pre-teens? I’m pretty good, a few of them are extra tough but for the most part they’re okay. Teenagers?

I shut down. I physically can’t do it. I start shaking uncontrollably, I feel nauseous, sometimes I throw up or hide in the bathroom because I can’t help but cry. A majority of the time it’s just the trembling and nausea and I just sit quietly away from everyone, maybe bring headphones. This makes it so hard to make friends, so I spend a lot of time with my siblings.

I wonder why I get so debilitated around my peers, and nobody else (as long as they’re in a reasonably sized group of course, too many people at once also renders this reaction). Even being around close friends that I’ve known for years gives me this panic over saying something wrong, or feeling guilty for not talking more, etc. I’m also really self conscious about what I talk about. Due to my past experiences I learned not to talk about personal home experiences esp when it pertains to my parents. The other thing I’m careful about is talking about my interests. This is because I’ll get really interested in certain books, an animal, music artist, or a fandom, little things like that, and I’ll do like, deep dives and research the hell out of them and know everything from the release date of the next installment to the actors/author’s birthdays.

I didn’t know this was wrong until my sister (13) had started teasing me in public when I made a reference to a tv show I like. She started saying that I was “obsessed with it and that it’s the only thing I ever talk about and it’s kinda annoying”. I didn’t realize that it was something I did and I told her that she talked a lot about her favorite anime and that was all she wanted to talk about and buy merch for, etc. and she said that she likes multiple things and I don’t like anything else but one thing and it makes it boring and annoying to talk to me, and I asked her to stop repeatedly and then she accused me of changing my appearance to look like one of the characters (which I didn’t, and I find really ironic for her to say because she cosplays all of the time in public). She kept with it for the rest of the day even though my stepdad told her to stop too.

I was really upset after this and just stopped talking to her about it and going out of my way to not talk about my interests because I don’t want to be boring or annoying and obsessive. A few weeks later she asks why I’m so upset with her and I tell her about how upset I was bc of her comments and she apologized claiming “it was just a joke, I though you knew that and that’s why I kept saying it.” And I asked her why I would ask her to stop if I thought she was joking, and why she would find that funny. She said “idk I just thought it was funny. I like that stuff too. It’s just that like, at least I talk about other things. You get into something and it’s the only thing you ever want to talk about, and that probably why people don’t talk to you and stuff. I was trying to help you, so like that’s what I was saying.” 😐

So then I tried to not talk about anything that I like, and I still don’t have friends. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

There is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. Everyone obsesses over something. You should try not to let what your sister says get to you, even though I know it can be hard. There's nothing wrong with loving something so much you google everything there is to know about it. I am guilty of that as well. Everyone has done it at one point or another. Maybe your sister is just insecure about her own obsession and is worried people are going to judge you for it, so she tried to put the spotlight on you instead of her. There's nothing wrong with either of your obsessions. If it makes you happy, who cares? Try reaching out a bit to people who you think may have the same interests as you. Talk to new people. Be friendly. Be yourself, and don't be afraid to talk about what you like and who you are. The more you are open about who you are, the better chance you have of finding a friend who likes the same things as you! Just be yourself and don't talk your sisters words to heart. She may just be insecure about her own obsessions. I, personally, have many obsessions. I am lucky enough to have found friends who don't mind hearing about them though. No one is going to be expecting you to say everything perfectly, and you shouldn't feel guilty when you think you make a mistake, because chances are, no one even noticed, or they don't even care. Teenagers tend not to focus on the meaning and depth of what people are saying. Chances are they don't even realize you think you said something wrong! When you feel nauseous, maybe try closing your eyes and counting down from 10, 20, 30 whatever number you want slowly. Maybe find a place to sit too. When you can't force yourself to do anything in a big group, maybe start off small and ease into bigger social gatherings with your peers. Try not to even bother feeling self-conscious about what you're talking about, because, again, chances are no one will notice if you "say the wrong thing". I know teenagers can be mean, but it's worth a try to find some good people to get yourself through highschool. 

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2 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

There is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. Everyone obsesses over something. You should try not to let what your sister says get to you, even though I know it can be hard. There's nothing wrong with loving something so much you google everything there is to know about it. I am guilty of that as well. Everyone has done it at one point or another. Maybe your sister is just insecure about her own obsession and is worried people are going to judge you for it, so she tried to put the spotlight on you instead of her. There's nothing wrong with either of your obsessions. If it makes you happy, who cares? Try reaching out a bit to people who you think may have the same interests as you. Talk to new people. Be friendly. Be yourself, and don't be afraid to talk about what you like and who you are. The more you are open about who you are, the better chance you have of finding a friend who likes the same things as you! Just be yourself and don't talk your sisters words to heart. She may just be insecure about her own obsessions. I, personally, have many obsessions. I am lucky enough to have found friends who don't mind hearing about them though. No one is going to be expecting you to say everything perfectly, and you shouldn't feel guilty when you think you make a mistake, because chances are, no one even noticed, or they don't even care. Teenagers tend not to focus on the meaning and depth of what people are saying. Chances are they don't even realize you think you said something wrong! When you feel nauseous, maybe try closing your eyes and counting down from 10, 20, 30 whatever number you want slowly. Maybe find a place to sit too. When you can't force yourself to do anything in a big group, maybe start off small and ease into bigger social gatherings with your peers. Try not to even bother feeling self-conscious about what you're talking about, because, again, chances are no one will notice if you "say the wrong thing". I know teenagers can be mean, but it's worth a try to find some good people to get yourself through highschool. 

Thank you for your kind message. I really appreciate it more than you know ❤️
 

I have really 2 close friends, there’s a third one that I trust a bunch but don’t talk to too often (I mentioned him in another post). The 2 girls that I’m friends with more or less have the same interests, but I can’t help the insecurity and anxiety over talking to them even though I’ve known both of them since 7th grade and I know that they don’t mind my ramblings. I still feel bad about not keeping up with them Ben though they know I’m going through a lot and they’ve assured me over and over again that they’re not upset with me or anything. One of them is like, super sheltered too so she doesn’t know a lot of the stuff I like because she’s simply not allowed to partake in it, and the other is just barely involved with most of mine, and she’s in college so she doesn’t have much time for extra stuff anyways. The boy I mentioned earlier isn’t really into the same things as me, we just kinda vibe and he’s fun to be around. (More on that in the other post.)

I really don’t wanna let what she says get to me, but she’s like super confident and “idc what anybody thinks of me no matter how weird I am” and she’s super pretty and always the popular kid. I’ve had several people tell me that they were scared to approach me because I looked like the kind of girl who could beat someone up. Then once people get to know me I’m just the “shy art kid”. My sister is athletic and really really good at singing, and she’s really smart when she actually applies herself. She’s always been everything I wish I was (minus the attitude issue). I’m just ignoring her for now, but still being super cautious with other people, and that makes me anxious 🙃

My school has a prom coming up and my mom really wants me to go but there’ll be a lot of teenagers and I’m scared. I have a post dedicated to that issue so I’ll tag you if you wanna check it out. (That’s the same one I was mentioning earlier.)

Thank you again for all of your help.

Edited by TinyDinos
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51 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Thank you for your kind message. I really appreciate it more than you know ❤️
 

I have really 2 close friends, there’s a third one that I trust a bunch but don’t talk to too often (I mentioned him in another post). The 2 girls that I’m friends with more or less have the same interests, but I can’t help the insecurity and anxiety over talking to them even though I’ve known both of them since 7th grade and I know that they don’t mind my ramblings. I still feel bad about not keeping up with them Ben though they know I’m going through a lot and they’ve assured me over and over again that they’re not upset with me or anything. One of them is like, super sheltered too so she doesn’t know a lot of the stuff I like because she’s simply not allowed to partake in it, and the other is just barely involved with most of mine, and she’s in college so she doesn’t have much time for extra stuff anyways. The boy I mentioned earlier isn’t really into the same things as me, we just kinda vibe and he’s fun to be around. (More on that in the other post.)

I really don’t wanna let what she says get to me, but she’s like super confident and “idc what anybody thinks of me no matter how weird I am” and she’s super pretty and always the popular kid. I’ve had several people tell me that they were scared to approach me because I looked like the kind of girl who could beat someone up. Then once people get to know me I’m just the “shy art kid”. My sister is athletic and really really good at singing, and she’s really smart when she actually applies herself. She’s always been everything I wish I was (minus the attitude issue). I’m just ignoring her for now, but still being super cautious with other people, and that makes me anxious 🙃

My school has a prom coming up and my mom really wants me to go but there’ll be a lot of teenagers and I’m scared. I have a post dedicated to that issue so I’ll tag you if you wanna check it out. (That’s the same one I was mentioning earlier.)

Thank you again for all of your help.

Yeah that sounds rough. Anytime! Sure I'll go check it out right now! :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 1/31/2023 at 11:52 AM, TinyDinos said:

Okay.

I’m not very good socially when it comes to other kids my age. Babies? Excellent. I know every tip and trick in the book to keep them happy and not crying. Little kids and elementary schoolers? Just fine. I know plenty of fun activities to keep them entertained and having fun in a healthy way. Pre-teens? I’m pretty good, a few of them are extra tough but for the most part they’re okay. Teenagers?

I shut down. I physically can’t do it. I start shaking uncontrollably, I feel nauseous, sometimes I throw up or hide in the bathroom because I can’t help but cry. A majority of the time it’s just the trembling and nausea and I just sit quietly away from everyone, maybe bring headphones. This makes it so hard to make friends, so I spend a lot of time with my siblings.

I wonder why I get so debilitated around my peers, and nobody else (as long as they’re in a reasonably sized group of course, too many people at once also renders this reaction). Even being around close friends that I’ve known for years gives me this panic over saying something wrong, or feeling guilty for not talking more, etc. I’m also really self conscious about what I talk about. Due to my past experiences I learned not to talk about personal home experiences esp when it pertains to my parents. The other thing I’m careful about is talking about my interests. This is because I’ll get really interested in certain books, an animal, music artist, or a fandom, little things like that, and I’ll do like, deep dives and research the hell out of them and know everything from the release date of the next installment to the actors/author’s birthdays.

I didn’t know this was wrong until my sister (13) had started teasing me in public when I made a reference to a tv show I like. She started saying that I was “obsessed with it and that it’s the only thing I ever talk about and it’s kinda annoying”. I didn’t realize that it was something I did and I told her that she talked a lot about her favorite anime and that was all she wanted to talk about and buy merch for, etc. and she said that she likes multiple things and I don’t like anything else but one thing and it makes it boring and annoying to talk to me, and I asked her to stop repeatedly and then she accused me of changing my appearance to look like one of the characters (which I didn’t, and I find really ironic for her to say because she cosplays all of the time in public). She kept with it for the rest of the day even though my stepdad told her to stop too.

I was really upset after this and just stopped talking to her about it and going out of my way to not talk about my interests because I don’t want to be boring or annoying and obsessive. A few weeks later she asks why I’m so upset with her and I tell her about how upset I was bc of her comments and she apologized claiming “it was just a joke, I though you knew that and that’s why I kept saying it.” And I asked her why I would ask her to stop if I thought she was joking, and why she would find that funny. She said “idk I just thought it was funny. I like that stuff too. It’s just that like, at least I talk about other things. You get into something and it’s the only thing you ever want to talk about, and that probably why people don’t talk to you and stuff. I was trying to help you, so like that’s what I was saying.” 😐

So then I tried to not talk about anything that I like, and I still don’t have friends. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

That's a lot to deal with...

1)Funny cuz I can't make babies happy for the life of me lol

2)Your business is your business, and i mean that as in my siblings have tried to "help" or pulled the "it was just a joke" thing.. it pisses me off because it is my business and like that's mean the war ur going about it(plus no one was laughing)

3) You are not 'wrong' nor is something 'wrong' with you. You are not broken and hence, don't need to be fixed ;)

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2 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

That's a lot to deal with...

1)Funny cuz I can't make babies happy for the life of me lol

2)Your business is your business, and i mean that as in my siblings have tried to "help" or pulled the "it was just a joke" thing.. it pisses me off because it is my business and like that's mean the war ur going about it(plus no one was laughing)

3) You are not 'wrong' nor is something 'wrong' with you. You are not broken and hence, don't need to be fixed ;)

Thank you for your kind words 💕

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29 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Thank you for your kind words 💕

Anytime👍❤️

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sanholo was awarded the badge 'Great Advice' and 20 points.

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 The other thing I’m careful about is talking about my interests. This is because I’ll get really interested in certain books, an animal, music artist, or a fandom, little things like that, and I’ll do like, deep dives and research the hell out of them and know everything from the release date of the next installment to the actors/author’s birthdays.

As someone who's a little older than you are and who's learnt a lot over the past few months, I'd like to give some advice if you would. Bear with me though: I'm still figuring out how to live in this crazy world myself (I'm not that much older than you :) ), so this may not be your "knight in shining armor" when it comes to advice :)

I've struggled a lot thinking about my place in this world. I often wondered (and still do) "where I'm going?", "what I'm doing?", "what's gonna happen in the future?", "will anyone every like me I'm so weird?", "am I a person of value?", things like that. One thing I've started to learn, though, is that it's all the things that I do and don't do; that like and that I don't like; that I have done and haven't done; all the friends and family members I do and don't have, is in reality what makes me different. It's what makes everyone truly unique. And I know that may sound like baloney: it's easy to hear "everyone's unique in their own way", forget it a few days later, and carry on. Maybe you've heard it a million times (I certainly have). But I can tell you this: the moment you sense that someone else is really in tune with what you believe, with what you like, and is really paying attention to you; that you feel that you really have something to share with someone else in this world, however short it may seem in your long or difficult life ahead, lived, or even imagined; that you are interesting to that person not in spite of your interests; that someone truly and honestly finds you interesting because of the things that interest you, and that make you different, that's when you truly understand what people "out there" are talking about.

I find that it can be difficult to associate yourself with the other people. Personally, I could always envision others with the lives that I imagined: someone with more looks, with more friends, who's better at this or that or whatever. But, truly, you are that world. Thus my advice: never EVER silence your interests! This world is starving for truly genuine people who are willing to embrace their "weirdness" (news flash: everyone's "weird"). Trust me: everyone under the sun appreciates genuine people. It's not an easy feat to overcome: I myself still struggle accepting this. But I think really feeling it helped me start to understand just how true it is. Hopefully you'll feel the same way someday too.

Everything aside, though, I sincerely hope all is well with you. Keep everyone posted: there are plenty of people who will spend countless hours here to support you. Bonne soirée!

Edited by sanholo
spelling mistakes smh
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