Am I over reacting or are my friends fake?

[jammer7dy5z]

So I got a job recently at the same place my friends work at, not only because I wanted to work with them. I had been trying to get a job there for 4 years. I hadn't really even told them I had applied and they already started to ask me questions about it. Then later that night one of them asked, and I told them I got a I terview scheduled and I was really happy about it. They responded saying that they didn't think I was qualified. This in my opinion was ridiculous because I am not any less qualified than her and I don't know why she would say that as it is kind of rude. I just thought that once I got a job they would all be happy for me like they were for the other people in the group. I did end up getting the job, and I don't remember ever getting any kind of congrats from them. I don't know if I was just overthinking there response or if they were being toxic. However, when they did say that it kinda sent me into a mental frizzy and I cried so much, and the next day I saw my friend it sent me into a small panic attack because of this. If someone could help me out with this that would be great.

[Aurora]

7 hours ago, jammer7dy5z said:

So I got a job recently at the same place my friends work at, not only because I wanted to work with them. I had been trying to get a job there for 4 years. I hadn't really even told them I had applied and they already started to ask me questions about it. Then later that night one of them asked, and I told them I got a I terview scheduled and I was really happy about it. They responded saying that they didn't think I was qualified. This in my opinion was ridiculous because I am not any less qualified than her and I don't know why she would say that as it is kind of rude. I just thought that once I got a job they would all be happy for me like they were for the other people in the group. I did end up getting the job, and I don't remember ever getting any kind of congrats from them. I don't know if I was just overthinking there response or if they were being toxic. However, when they did say that it kinda sent me into a mental frizzy and I cried so much, and the next day I saw my friend it sent me into a small panic attack because of this. If someone could help me out with this that would be great.

Hi there, I noticed that this is your first post and I just wanted to say welcome to the community! It's great to have you here 

I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here. I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. Thank you for sharing what's bee going on for you. I can understand why you were hurt by your friends comments. Firstly, can I just say congratulations on getting the job! You mentioned that you'd been trying to get a job for a long time so this is a great achievement. And clearly you are qualified for the job, otherwise they wouldn't have invited you to an interview and offered you the job. Do you mind me asking, how old you are and how long you have known your friends for? This will give me a better idea of the situation with your friends.  Have you thought about telling them how their comments made you feel? 

[jammer7dy5z]

I've known them for about three years now. I'm currently in school. I don't really know if I could talk to them about because they would probably get the wrong idea. 

[Aurora]

22 hours ago, jammer7dy5z said:

I've known them for about three years now. I'm currently in school. I don't really know if I could talk to them about because they would probably get the wrong idea. 

Do you mind me asking, why you think they would probably get the wrong idea? If I said something to a friend of mine and it really upset them I would probably want to know and I would appreciate it if they told me that it had upset them. What do you think? 

[jammer7dy5z]

I say this because we have all talked as a group before about another friends problems, and it ended really bad. By the end of us talking the only thing we accomplished was making the problematic friend cry. They all tend to take things way out of proportions when it comes to criticism and end up not taking anything from it and ghosting the rest of us for a while. I do understand they would probably want to know if something had upset me, but at this it's kinda even hard to talk to them. Recently they've been avoiding me I feel. We normally all sit together in the lunch room before school starts, but now they haven't been coming over recently to sit with me. I always am super nice to them so I don't understand why, I say hi them still in the hallway even though they are reluctant to say it back. Another one of my friends boyfriend's noticed them acting kinda distant from me too. I don't want to end my friendship with them, but I feel like that's where this is gonna end. I feel if I were to question them about it the friendship almost become a lost hope at this point, and I don't want to happen especially since I don't want things to be awkward at school within my friend group and work.

[Aurora]

On 1/13/2023 at 1:39 AM, jammer7dy5z said:

I say this because we have all talked as a group before about another friends problems, and it ended really bad. By the end of us talking the only thing we accomplished was making the problematic friend cry. They all tend to take things way out of proportions when it comes to criticism and end up not taking anything from it and ghosting the rest of us for a while. I do understand they would probably want to know if something had upset me, but at this it's kinda even hard to talk to them. Recently they've been avoiding me I feel. We normally all sit together in the lunch room before school starts, but now they haven't been coming over recently to sit with me. I always am super nice to them so I don't understand why, I say hi them still in the hallway even though they are reluctant to say it back. Another one of my friends boyfriend's noticed them acting kinda distant from me too. I don't want to end my friendship with them, but I feel like that's where this is gonna end. I feel if I were to question them about it the friendship almost become a lost hope at this point, and I don't want to happen especially since I don't want things to be awkward at school within my friend group and work.

I'm sorry to hear that it feels like your friends have been avoiding you recently. I can imagine that that must be quite a horrible feeling and is probably on your mind a lot. Especially as it sounds like you can't think of a reason on why this might be. I can also understand your reluctance of not wanting to talk to them if you've had bad experiences with talking about friends problems as a group before. I'm wondering, if you could maybe just talk to one of your friends to find out what's been going on. I find that this sometimes easier, rather than talking to a whole group of friends. What do you think? Is there maybe one particular friend within your group, who you trust the most and who you feel you could talk to? Do you think that might work?