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Ranting about life I guess


Avyavastha    

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I want to scream. SO. FUCKING. BADLY. My life is just fucked up right now. Or maybe it’s just me how fucked up. I’m a trans boy and having EVERYONE misgendering me, I’m SICK of having to listen to my family members ask me if I really want to cut my hair short, when I’ve been asking for about a YEAR. Hell, I even said I’ll trade any gift I get for a HAIRCUT. No, I don’t want to wear this dress, I don’t like that one either, just LEAVE. ME. ALONE. I get it, your my “mom”, you “love” me. Then why is your “teaching”, slapping me. Why did I have to fucking YELL at you to make you stop from doing the same to my sister, or my brother. I’ve yelled at you at LEAST 3 times last month, and another time this month, and January has JUST started. As for dad, he’s always at work, so he doesn’t even know my AGE. How the hell is he going to know what I want in my life? No, I don’t want to get married when I’m older, and have a family. I’m NOT a GIRL. IM. A. BOY. I’m not going to marry some girl either, cause’ I’m fucking GAY. I’m not the perfect child you want, I never will be. I haven’t talked to my best friend in over 2 months, and we have the same lunch period. She sits with other, and I sit with another friend, who doesn’t talk much. I’m lonely, despite being surrounded by people, I’m tired, despite staying in bed for 9 hours. I can’t listen to MUSIC with having my AirPods taken away by my parents. I can’t go on any website I want without my mom watching me. I can’t make own decisions about a project IM working on, with options my teacher posted, because “I’m not ready for the lgbtq community”. Then when will I be ready, 20? Im a PART of the lgbtqia+ community, for fucks sake. I can make my own choices sometimes, and you have to learn how to respect my space.

Edited by Ciaran
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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, Ciaran said:

I want to scream. SO. FUCKING. BADLY. My life is just fucked up right now. Or maybe it’s just me how fucked up. I’m a trans boy and having EVERYONE misgendering me, I’m SICK of having to listen to my family members ask me if I really want to cut my hair short, when I’ve been asking for about a YEAR. Hell, I even said I’ll trade any gift I get for a HAIRCUT. No, I don’t want to wear this dress, I don’t like that one either, just LEAVE. ME. ALONE. I get it, your my “mom”, you “love” me. Then why is your “teaching”, slapping me. Why did I have to fucking YELL at you to make you stop from doing the same to my sister, or my brother. I’ve yelled at you at LEAST 3 times last month, and another time this month, and January has JUST started. As for dad, he’s always at work, so he doesn’t even know my AGE. How the hell is he going to know what I want in my life? No, I don’t want to get married when I’m older, and have a family. I’m NOT a GIRL. IM. A. BOY. I’m not going to marry some girl either, cause’ I’m fucking GAY. I’m not the perfect child you want, I never will be. I haven’t talked to my best friend in over 2 months, and we have the same lunch period. She sits with other, and I sit with another friend, who doesn’t talk much. I’m lonely, despite being surrounded by people, I’m tired, despite staying in bed for 9 hours. I can’t listen to MUSIC with having my AirPods taken away by my parents. I can’t go on any website I want without my mom watching me. I can’t make own decisions about a project IM working on, with options my teacher posted, because “I’m not ready for the lgbtq community”. Then when will I be ready, 20? Im a PART of the lgbtqia+ community, for fucks sake. I can make my own choices sometimes, and you have to learn how to respect my space.

Heyy @Ciaran, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. 

This sounds super frustrating, I am so sorry that it's been tough and that your parents have been restrictive and not allowing you to be part of the LGBTQI+ community and not giving  the space to be yourself. It sounds dismissive of them when it comes to your identity. 

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Yeah, i guess. I don’t know how the hell they’ll react when I tell them

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18 minutes ago, Ciaran said:

Yeah, i guess. I don’t know how the hell they’ll react when I tell them

Do they have homophobic or transphobic views? I am only asking because I want to make sure your safety is maintained throughout. 

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Im really not sure about my dad, but I don’t think my mom is homophobic, maybe transphobic though.

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22 hours ago, Ciaran-the-trans-gay said:

Im really not sure about my dad, but I don’t think my mom is homophobic, maybe transphobic though.

I am sorry about this @CiaranTheTransGay, I know how tough it is to have parents share views about something you identify with. There was something you mentioned in your first message and I wanted to give some space before asking,  you said 'Then why is your “teaching”, slapping me. Why did I have to fucking YELL at you to make you stop from doing the same to my sister, or my brother'. Your safety is a concern to us and I want to check with you about the slapping, is this something your parents do to you and your siblings often? (I know this is going to be tough to talk about, know that we are here and your voice matters). p.s. You can choose to send us a message on Confidential support to talk more on this if that's more comfortable for you. 

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Thanks for checking in. It’s not often, and my mom claims it’s to “teach” us. I think it’s pretty common in Hindu families. It usually happens to me, but recently it’s been happening to my sister more often. I try to speak up about it, but sometimes..I just can’t.

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  • Digital Mentor
13 minutes ago, CiaranTheTransGay said:

Thanks for checking in. It’s not often, and my mom claims it’s to “teach” us. I think it’s pretty common in Hindu families. It usually happens to me, but recently it’s been happening to my sister more often. I try to speak up about it, but sometimes..I just can’t.

@CiaranTheTransGay - I am truly sorry about this, would it be okay if you could drop us a message on confidential support please?  It's on the top bar, next to the blogs. 

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1 minute ago, Luie said:

@CiaranTheTransGay - I am truly sorry about this, would it be okay if you could drop us a message on confidential support please?  It's on the top bar, next to the blogs. 

Sure

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