Confused about my sexuality

[brandysafinegirl]

I'm a girl, 17. As far as I can remember I've never been in love with a boy I know in real life. I'm actually terrified of boys, but that's another topic. I do however have "crushes" on boys I don't know, like characters from movies, books or some actors.

 

I feel attracted to girls, but mostly just to real people (not fictional characters). So it's kind of the opposite of how I feel about men.

 

I never dated or kissed anybody, partially because I'm so shy and unsure about who I am.

 

Am I actually lesbian who just happens to be fascinated with a type of character could this mean I'm bi? One think I do know is I'm definitely not straight.

 

I hope this makes sense... Thanks!

[Willow]

Hey BrandySafineGirl!

 

Welcome to Community! You'll find this a safe place, where you're sure to find people in similar situations as you

 

When it comes to the 'fantasy' world, the characters that are created are imagined to be perfect. I don't actually think it's down to their gender-- I think it's more down to the way they exist in the world. Also, when there's romantic involvement with a female character, it's easy for you to imagine that character with you. Unless, of course, you're drawn to their physical looks more than their personality?

 

I think it would be great to start noting the people who you would like to kiss (in real life). That might give you a better indication of who you're attracted to.

 

Here's an article on exploring your sexual/romantic identity, and how where you're at is perfectly okay:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-things-know-questioning-sexuality/

 

You don't have to label yourself at any time in your life, regarding your sexuality, so don't feel pressure to! Just go out and explore what you like, dislike, are comfortable with, and are uncomfortable with!

 

I'm curious about why you're 'terrified' of boys?

 

Thanks for sharing!!

 

 

-willow

[brandysafinegirl]

Thanks for the advice and the response!

 

I'm not sure what it is about these characters. I guess mostly personality, especially since I don't know. any people who are like these characters. Looks too though. But I guess you also don't have to be attracted to someone to appreciate their looks. ?

 

I'll keep in mind the advice.

 

Hm... maybe the word "terrified" isn't the right one. More like very uncomfortable. I don't like to look men/boys in the eyes, I seem to rarely get the humor of the boys that do talk to me in real life (other than family), I feel afraid they might touch me in a weird way and overall I feel extremely awkward around them. I don't know what causes this. I wasn't abused or assaulted or anything like that. I only had one male friend, other than the ones I had when I was under 10 years old. Unfortunately most of the boys my age that I know come off as kind of mean...? So maybe I like all these male characters because I get to see their caring soft side" and I don't know any people like that in real life.

 

Again I hope this made sense and hope it's not too boring. ?

 

[Willow]

Heya BrandySafineGirl,

 

A little game I like to do is "gender-bend" characters... I see what would change if they were the opposite, or a non-binary version of themselves.

 

And oh, yeah-- you can totally appreciate a person's body without it meaning you have to suddenly change your sexuality identity. Things can be aesthetically beautiful without you needing to do anything about it

 

As for guys-- have you had many experiences where they touch you in a way that's made you feel uncomfortable? Maybe you're sensitive to their possible sexual interest in you, and you don't want encourage that? Also, many guys tend to have a different physicality approach-- they're less sensitive to how their touch affects others.

 

How have you responded to unwanted touch, in the past? You're spending a lot of energy anticipating that they'll do something that makes you feel uncomfortable... But what if you could prepare yourself, and have confidence that you know how to respond accordingly?

 

Anticipating pain/discomfort is suffering... and you don't want to live your life suffering!

 

 

-willow

[brandysafinegirl]

Again thank you for the advice! ?? I'll be testing it out from now on.

 

Still not sure about the touching thing and why I hate it so much. But I'll be thinking about it. It's not anything debilitating just mildly annoying but I'd like to understand it.

 

Thanks!

[Willow]

No problem, BrandySafineGirl!

 

Would love to know what you figure out... And let me know if you want help trying to understand that part of you!

 

 

-willow

[awkwardness101]

Hi, I just recently joined this site and I'm still sort of figuring things out. I'm confused about my sexuality. I thought I was Bi, then Pan, then Omnisexual and now I just sort of identity, in my head, as Queer/Questioning/Omni. It varies. I know I for sure like guys, but just recently I've found girls just as intriguing. I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend. I'd be hesitant to the sex part of a relationship with a girl but I'm young, so that's not the main focus. When I picture myself getting married nyt significant other doesn't have a definite or specific gender. I think I find girls attractive, but I also take into account their personalities. I'm pretty anti social so it's not like I can really experiment or anything like that. I'm just really curious. It's really confusing and slightly frustrating not knowing where I fall. There's no specific gender I'm attracted to. Girls, Guys and everyone inbetween. They all catch my eye. I'm just confused.

[Willow]

Hi Awkwardness101!

 

Welcome! Glad you found our Community!

 

What we really want to encourage is the space of exploration that you're speaking about. Wherever you are is completely okay. You don't have to have things 'figured out' especially if 'figuring it out' causes you anxiety!

 

I know it gets stressful when people assume your sexual identity... we feel we need a label that completely describes our sexuality, in one word-- something that a person can understand. But what I've found is people can relate better to describing what you do like. If someone asks me what my sexuality is, if I say I'm demi-pan-sexual, it's quite likely that I'll have to describe those terms. Versus, I'm content in saying that I can be sexually attracted to people of all walks of life, and have had romantic relationships with men, in the past.

 

Because you haven't had much opportunity for exploration, all you have is what you imagine will feel good. It's okay to be interested in all sorts of things... then act on your feelings when you have the opportunity.

 

It does sound like you wouldn't lean toward completely heterosexual, and I believe that's all you need to know. There are many like us in the LGBTQ+ community. Do you know many people in the the LGBTQ+ community?

 

What do you mean when you say you're "anti-social"?

 

-willow

 

[awkwardness101]

By antisocial I mean really introverted. I'm not really one to go out and make friends. It's not that I don't want friends, but my shyness tends to override my desire for friendship and social interaction. I just recently started high school, and I'm not in any sports or clubs and it's always been pretty rough trying to make friends. All of that aside, I do think I'm attracted to females. I don't think I'm heterosexual, but I've only ever been in relationships with guys. I don't know if that's because I wasn't fully aware of the LGBTQ community and my possibly sexuality or because I was afraid to put myself out there to a girl...Is it okay if I'm not 100% sure. I feel like I need to have a specific label.