My Mental Health

[Ashybean1]

So I just got over crying my eyes out after like 40-45 minutes of that. The reason might be stupid but me and my brother were watching tiktok about an hour ago. My mom's bf came out to eat something, he's a late-night snacker. We were watching some funny tiktoks that weren't all that funny but we also were like two minutes into watching. This one tiktok was a 20 year old on Omegle talking to a 16 year old, I knew that wasn't really a funny tiktok, the 20 year old was like " Oh, ur rly cute... ur rly pretty." She didn't seem uncomfortable or fazed by it though. My mom's bf got all pissed off and mad and told me to turn it off and that me or my brother can't watch tiktok anymore. I hate this bc I basically watch tiktok on YouTube a lot. He was all " You guys can't watch tiktok anymore bc it might flow right off the top of ur head. Your mom said you can't watch tiktok..." My mom said we couldn't have tiktok, said nothing abt not being able to watch it. Here's where the mental health and stuff comes in. The thing is I don't have like any social media, no phone, a kindle fire tablet with parental controls. My school practically is abt tiktok and phones, I feel left out. I hate my body. Sunday, me and my brother had to clean the bathroom including some other chores. I already was not happy. My mom's bf nd her were like " Yu have to get this done by 3PM or ur stuff will be taken away." It was around 2:15, we were gonna eat too. I went into the bathroom to do my part, I couldn't find any of the things I needed, I found them later on but sat against the bathtub and cried silently. I don't think this counts as self harm but I dug my nails into my arm and scratched it to give myself pain. I almost grabbed my razor and cut myself, I've thought abt it ALOT. I cried the next day. As I was crying today I saw some sharp scissors and wanted to cut myself. I hate myself. I hate the way my body looks. I feel that if I wasn't here everybody's life would be better. When I get overwhelmed I cry and stuff but these cries are different. This week I have felt so down, haven't smiled as much, I'm in my room more, sleeping more, not wanting to get up for school, I've been so sad. My dad who moved to another state bc he has some type of sensitivity with his ears so h wanted to be in some nice quiet environment., asked everyday all week if I'm ok. I respond with the same answer " Yea, I'm fine. Just tired is all." I don't think he buys it. Sorry for writing so much. I needed to get some things off my chest, I have so many more things to get off my chest. My mom says she is gonna get me a therapist, she looked this week but nothing so far. I need one though, I know it.

[Luie]

3 hours ago, Ashybean1 said:

So I just got over crying my eyes out after like 40-45 minutes of that. The reason might be stupid but me and my brother were watching tiktok about an hour ago. My mom's bf came out to eat something, he's a late-night snacker. We were watching some funny tiktoks that weren't all that funny but we also were like two minutes into watching. This one tiktok was a 20 year old on Omegle talking to a 16 year old, I knew that wasn't really a funny tiktok, the 20 year old was like " Oh, ur rly cute... ur rly pretty." She didn't seem uncomfortable or fazed by it though. My mom's bf got all pissed off and mad and told me to turn it off and that me or my brother can't watch tiktok anymore. I hate this bc I basically watch tiktok on YouTube a lot. He was all " You guys can't watch tiktok anymore bc it might flow right off the top of ur head. Your mom said you can't watch tiktok..." My mom said we couldn't have tiktok, said nothing abt not being able to watch it. Here's where the mental health and stuff comes in. The thing is I don't have like any social media, no phone, a kindle fire tablet with parental controls. My school practically is abt tiktok and phones, I feel left out. I hate my body. Sunday, me and my brother had to clean the bathroom including some other chores. I already was not happy. My mom's bf nd her were like " Yu have to get this done by 3PM or ur stuff will be taken away." It was around 2:15, we were gonna eat too. I went into the bathroom to do my part, I couldn't find any of the things I needed, I found them later on but sat against the bathtub and cried silently. I don't think this counts as self harm but I dug my nails into my arm and scratched it to give myself pain. I almost grabbed my razor and cut myself, I've thought abt it ALOT. I cried the next day. As I was crying today I saw some sharp scissors and wanted to cut myself. I hate myself. I hate the way my body looks. I feel that if I wasn't here everybody's life would be better. When I get overwhelmed I cry and stuff but these cries are different. This week I have felt so down, haven't smiled as much, I'm in my room more, sleeping more, not wanting to get up for school, I've been so sad. My dad who moved to another state bc he has some type of sensitivity with his ears so h wanted to be in some nice quiet environment., asked everyday all week if I'm ok. I respond with the same answer " Yea, I'm fine. Just tired is all." I don't think he buys it. Sorry for writing so much. I needed to get some things off my chest, I have so many more things to get off my chest. My mom says she is gonna get me a therapist, she looked this week but nothing so far. I need one though, I know it.

Heyy @Ashybean1, 

The reason is not stupid. I went through your previous post as well about him making comments on your sexuality, sorry to hear that it's only gotten worse. No need to ever apologise for expressing yourself, and hey, the world is a much better place with you in it and I am sorry that people and situations in your life have made you feel otherwise. 

Feeling overwhelmed, fatigued and upset all makes complete sense and is totally normal given your circumstances, but before I dive into that there are a few things which you've mentioned and I am concerned about your safety and that is really important. Firstly, can I check that you're currently safe?

I'm going to list some crisis details below so you have them to hand.

• (UK) The Samaritans - 116 123 (This is a free service that operates 24/7)
• (USA) Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - 988  (This is a free service that operates 24/7. You can call or text) 
• A list of worldwide crisis lines can be found here: https://www.befrienders.org   
• There's an app I can recommend called Stay Alive - it has safety plans to make sure you don’t harm yourself and you might find it helpful
• You can also call the police if you feel at risk 

I'd recommend you send us a message on Confidential support so that we can continue this conversation and give you more personalized support accordingly, how does this sound to you? And, we are here for you. 

 

 

 

[Ashybean1]

On 12/17/2022 at 4:20 AM, Luie said:

Heyy @Ashybean1, 

The reason is not stupid. I went through your previous post as well about him making comments on your sexuality, sorry to hear that it's only gotten worse. No need to ever apologise for expressing yourself, and hey, the world is a much better place with you in it and I am sorry that people and situations in your life have made you feel otherwise. 

Feeling overwhelmed, fatigued and upset all makes complete sense and is totally normal given your circumstances, but before I dive into that there are a few things which you've mentioned and I am concerned about your safety and that is really important. Firstly, can I check that you're currently safe?

I'm going to list some crisis details below so you have them to hand.

• (UK) The Samaritans - 116 123 (This is a free service that operates 24/7)
• (USA) Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - 988  (This is a free service that operates 24/7. You can call or text) 
• A list of worldwide crisis lines can be found here: https://www.befrienders.org   
• There's an app I can recommend called Stay Alive - it has safety plans to make sure you don’t harm yourself and you might find it helpful
• You can also call the police if you feel at risk 

I'd recommend you send us a message on Confidential support so that we can continue this conversation and give you more personalized support accordingly, how does this sound to you? And, we are here for you. 

 

Sorry that I haven't replied to this I've been lazy and forgetting. Yes, I am currently safe in my environment. Sure? I don't know what the last sentence means exactly.

[Blondie]

4 hours ago, Ashybean1 said:

Sorry that I haven't replied to this I've been lazy and forgetting. Yes, I am currently safe in my environment. Sure? I don't know what the last sentence means exactly.

Hey @Ashybean1 you can find Confidential Support by scrolling up to the top of the screen - it's to the right of 'Blogs'. This allows you to start a conversation directly with our support mentors privately - it will not show on the public forums.

[Ashybean1]

13 hours ago, Blondie said:

Hey @Ashybean1 you can find Confidential Support by scrolling up to the top of the screen - it's to the right of 'Blogs'. This allows you to start a conversation directly with our support mentors privately - it will not show on the public forums.

Oh cool! I might be up to doing that