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Please, please help.


MimeNegative    

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My partner is upset with how I treat them. I told them I don't like PDA. I don't know how to get them to understand that PDA makes me so nervous, it makes me want to cry and literally run off. I understand that they are a little autistic and aren't great with social cues or understanding certain topics, but please, for the love of god, why can't they understand I hate PDA? They are extroverted and very affectionate, I am an omnivert [introvert heavy leaning] and hate PDA. I love affection when we're alone or in a quiet place.

In truth, I do tend to frown when we go off together. That's because I'm not excited to listen to them talk about themself or try to be affectionate. I don't think this relationship is going to work out. I want to be friends with them, not lovers. But I don't think that's possible with the kind of person they are. I just want help, I realize that I want to be able to call someone mine, someone to be in a relationship in, and that's making it hard to consider breaking it off with them romantically. I love them, but not romantically.

They think I think that they're inferior [still don't know where they got that from, maybe my overall attitude?], they think I don't care about them [again where????], and that I hate them.

I don't hate them, I hate the PDA. I don't think they're inferior, inferiority/superiority is stupid imho, and of course I care, otherwise, I wouldn't talk to them at all.

I don't know what to do, I'm sure I'm in some sort of wrong, please, please, help me.

 

It's too much for me to handle to the point of considering being unavailable to people for a period of time [not permanently]. I don't want to talk to anyone, and I haven't been here in forever, but I really need help.

 

Edit: I have no one to turn to, I can't seek help from anyone but people I don't know.

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9 minutes ago, MimeNegative said:

I realize that I want to be able to call someone mine, someone to be in a relationship in, and that's making it hard to consider breaking it off with them romantically. I love them, but not romantically.

perhaps cupioromantic or aegoromantic? i recommend you to look into both terms. i dont have any experience regarding this but be honest. communication is always key. be patient with them. try to make them understand your stance on the situation. however if it becomes too emotionally exhausting on your part you can just straight up tell them youre not romantically attracted to them and you dislike pda again and that you want to return being friends; sorta like a breakup. because thats the only way you can relieve your feelings from what i can see. or maybe you can propose a queerplatonic relationshipwith them even. that would make the breakup less devastating since this relationship is nonromantic but more than friends regardless

it doesnt matter how they react; your well being always rank first. take care of yourself

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hello @MimeNegative. I'm so sorry that is is happening to you. I just want you to know that you are an amazing person and that you should never fell pressured to be someone your not. It's probably best to let them go, They might ignore you for a bit but if you want to keep being their friend then you have to keep talking to them even if they push you away. I wish I could help more but I'm not an expert on this kind of relationship. I wish you the best of luck

-Phoenix 

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11 hours ago, sevan said:

perhaps cupioromantic or aegoromantic? i recommend you to look into both terms.

or maybe you can propose a queerplatonic relationshipwith them even

I don't think I'm either persay...though it may be what I have to use for now, as even though I've been in many relationships, I can never find a romantic attraction, I'm a sapiophile/sapiosexual/romatic and I haven't found anyone so far that would meet my standards [maybe I just have high standards?], I think you have may misinterpreted what I said. While I can experience romantic attraction, I don't love my current partner romantically.

As for the querplatontic suggestion, that may be exactly what I'm looking for from most people...but I don't think they'll handle that very well. I've noticed that they like to be the 1st choice, actually like the mc of everything. They did mention once that they thought they would make a good mc, and I wasn't sure how to feel about that. It felt so narcissistic. I don't know if a queerplatonic relationship will go down well. They hate being second. I do really appreciate bringing those terms more to my attention! It did clear up a bit of confusion. :)

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58 minutes ago, MimeNegative said:

I don't think I'm either persay...though it may be what I have to use for now, as even though I've been in many relationships, I can never find a romantic attraction, I'm a sapiophile/sapiosexual/romatic and I haven't found anyone so far that would meet my standards [maybe I just have high standards?], I think you have may misinterpreted what I said. While I can experience romantic attraction, I don't love my current partner romantically.

my mistake then. there are way too many people talking about how they dont love their current partner romantically and indeed ended up being on the arospec. i just went with the cliche

59 minutes ago, MimeNegative said:

As for the querplatontic suggestion, that may be exactly what I'm looking for from most people...but I don't think they'll handle that very well.

ah darn. i think at this point breakup is the best option. hope it goes well when you decided to do that tho

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