i think my new school is changing me negatively

[cosmic bread crumbs]

i got into a really prestigious all boy school a few months ago and EVERYONE is incredibly smart. so putting my imposter-syndrome aside haha. i respect all the boys in that school because they r much smarter than me but most of the boys say the r slur regularly. the first time i heard it i was shocked and deeply disgusted but now im just unphased. they make homophobic jokes aswell like they dont say the f slur (thank god) and they say they respect/tolerate gay people but they still make jokes about someone "acting gay" and other types of jokes like that. at first i didnt laugh but now i do. like i dont want to be left out i guess (plus some of them r kind of clever). i feel so guilty. i feel like im going back on my values as a person. and im scared of the implications of this. because if it took me three months to go back on my values, does that mean i never really stood for anything? i wish i was in a pro gay and anti abelist environment.

i

[Gremlin]

That does seem like a bit of a sticky situation.

Well from what I’m hearing you know what the boys at your school saying the r- slurs and “jokes” is wrong. I can sympathize on how that would make you feel like you’re going against your morals, but you’re not going along with them because you want to. It’s so you wan’t be victim to their hurtful words, and it doesn’t make it any easier that the people around you are very attentive.

Being around those guys to often wouldn’t’ be the best especially if it’s affecting you negatively. If possible try to talking to others that see things as you do. I know this suggestion might be easier said than done, especially being new too the school.

But if you meet someone else that agrees with you about some of things you mentioned. You don’t have to put so much energy to play along with other people. 
 

I hoped this helped

 

[peanutbutterstruggles]

i understand its hard to be in an environment like that, especially if you just want to be friends and fit in. i can relate a little bit because i went to a school full of people saying slurs and overall being rude af. it's really hard to stand up when everyone is acting this way. but if you still think those things are wrong, that's good! means you're not going back on ur values as much. maybe try to hang in more accepting environments online or outside school (i know its easier said that done, but sounds like you could use some friends who share the same views as you)

also read the raven boys series by maggie stiefvater lol

[Aurora]

On 11/26/2022 at 3:31 AM, cosmic bread crumbs said:

i got into a really prestigious all boy school a few months ago and EVERYONE is incredibly smart. so putting my imposter-syndrome aside haha. i respect all the boys in that school because they r much smarter than me but most of the boys say the r slur regularly. the first time i heard it i was shocked and deeply disgusted but now im just unphased. they make homophobic jokes aswell like they dont say the f slur (thank god) and they say they respect/tolerate gay people but they still make jokes about someone "acting gay" and other types of jokes like that. at first i didnt laugh but now i do. like i dont want to be left out i guess (plus some of them r kind of clever). i feel so guilty. i feel like im going back on my values as a person. and im scared of the implications of this. because if it took me three months to go back on my values, does that mean i never really stood for anything? i wish i was in a pro gay and anti abelist environment.

i

Hi there, thank you for sharing what's been going on for you. I can totally understand your dilemma. It's really normal, when you're starting at a new school to want to fit in and get along with others and at the same time not wanting to compromise your values. I can see that @Gremlin and @peanutbutterstruggles have already given some great advice. One thing I wanted to add is, that I would imagine, that there are others at the school who have similar if not the same values to you. And they might feel exactly the same way and might feel just as frustrated as you. It is really difficult to stand up to others if you think you're the only one but it's much easier if you know that there are others backing you. Would you agree? It might take time to figure out, who those individuals are but once you know, maybe you can join forces and think about what can be done together. What do you think? From what you've been telling me it sounds like a lot of the people at your school consider themselves to be open and tolerant, so they might be willing to change their ways, if they realised that what they are saying is offensive. What do you think?