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So the boy I was getting so excited over and finally being able to date? Yeah he broke up with me on the 7th of November. I'm not sure why but it's taken me ages to actually post on here after it, this makes me sound so lazy lmao. But honestly I am screaming on the inside. Yeah sure he can break up with me, it's his decision after all. I don't want him to break up with me but I can't stop him. It's the way he broke up with that got me.

It all started with me venting to him over text about my Mum yelling at me for not wearing the proper school uniform when I told her multiple times that I spilled water all over my skort so I had to change in my PE shorts, I even showed her but she still was yelling at me. I was telling him that I had enough with my family and couldn't keep up with the. He left me on read but I decided not to panic and brushed it off, especially because he left me on read ALL the time but he also has dyslexia so it must've been hard to read my entire paragraph. But then an hour later he sent me this text that said exactly this: "I don't like you anymore I prefer gay, big black oily men" I obviously knew that wasn't him because he NEVER uses comma's and doesn't really use that language. He then quickly replied with "Sorry that was [friends name that I absolutely despise]" so I replied with "sure". But then he answered with "I actually don't like you tho and I prefer [friends name who I despise]" I replied with: "oh ok". He then texted that I was good enough just not good enough for him and that he "lost interest" in me. I recently thought that even though when he asked me out he said he liked me ever since we met (2-3 years ago) but it only took almost two months for him to lost interest. I then texted him that I knew he never liked me and that I knew that our relationship was all a joke because who could like me? He then texted me that he did like me he just loses interest in girls a lot and that it wasn't my fault. I was in an EXTREMELY toxic relationship 4-5 months before we started dating to I obviously thought that it was my fault because it's always my fault and I always do the wrong thing. He then started ranting about thinking we were gonna last and I was sitting there looking at my phone extremely confused because he had just said a couple minutes ago he "lost interest". I was getting very mixed emotion through his messages and I didn't know what to do. He kept on sending me voice recordings of him and his friend that I hate with two other boys. They said hi and his friend said "guys guys say your name so she knows whose here." So then the two other boys said their names and everyone was laughing and saying "L". I then texted him that I was sorry and that I'd stop annoying him but he replied back with no I still wanna be friends. I replied with ok I just need some time.

That's basically it but his friend that I absolutely despise keeps on saying "Try not to cry challenge" and it's annoying me so much. I told him to stop but he didn't. (Not many boys I know stops when someone tells them too so I shouldn't be surprised)

A couple days later I confronted both of the boys who were in the voice recordings and asked if he said anything about me during the bus ride (they had just finished a rugby game against another school and were heading back to my school campus) They said that they had absolutely no idea what my ex and his friend were actually doing and thought it was just this video for a status. I genuinely do believe them because I know they're both nice boys and wouldn't say those things meaning it.

I don't know what to do and the worse thing is that I'm still not over him and I still like him. Please help me.

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  • Digital Mentor
5 hours ago, mia_ said:

So the boy I was getting so excited over and finally being able to date? Yeah he broke up with me on the 7th of November. I'm not sure why but it's taken me ages to actually post on here after it, this makes me sound so lazy lmao. But honestly I am screaming on the inside. Yeah sure he can break up with me, it's his decision after all. I don't want him to break up with me but I can't stop him. It's the way he broke up with that got me.

It all started with me venting to him over text about my Mum yelling at me for not wearing the proper school uniform when I told her multiple times that I spilled water all over my skort so I had to change in my PE shorts, I even showed her but she still was yelling at me. I was telling him that I had enough with my family and couldn't keep up with the. He left me on read but I decided not to panic and brushed it off, especially because he left me on read ALL the time but he also has dyslexia so it must've been hard to read my entire paragraph. But then an hour later he sent me this text that said exactly this: "I don't like you anymore I prefer gay, big black oily men" I obviously knew that wasn't him because he NEVER uses comma's and doesn't really use that language. He then quickly replied with "Sorry that was [friends name that I absolutely despise]" so I replied with "sure". But then he answered with "I actually don't like you tho and I prefer [friends name who I despise]" I replied with: "oh ok". He then texted that I was good enough just not good enough for him and that he "lost interest" in me. I recently thought that even though when he asked me out he said he liked me ever since we met (2-3 years ago) but it only took almost two months for him to lost interest. I then texted him that I knew he never liked me and that I knew that our relationship was all a joke because who could like me? He then texted me that he did like me he just loses interest in girls a lot and that it wasn't my fault. I was in an EXTREMELY toxic relationship 4-5 months before we started dating to I obviously thought that it was my fault because it's always my fault and I always do the wrong thing. He then started ranting about thinking we were gonna last and I was sitting there looking at my phone extremely confused because he had just said a couple minutes ago he "lost interest". I was getting very mixed emotion through his messages and I didn't know what to do. He kept on sending me voice recordings of him and his friend that I hate with two other boys. They said hi and his friend said "guys guys say your name so she knows whose here." So then the two other boys said their names and everyone was laughing and saying "L". I then texted him that I was sorry and that I'd stop annoying him but he replied back with no I still wanna be friends. I replied with ok I just need some time.

That's basically it but his friend that I absolutely despise keeps on saying "Try not to cry challenge" and it's annoying me so much. I told him to stop but he didn't. (Not many boys I know stops when someone tells them too so I shouldn't be surprised)

A couple days later I confronted both of the boys who were in the voice recordings and asked if he said anything about me during the bus ride (they had just finished a rugby game against another school and were heading back to my school campus) They said that they had absolutely no idea what my ex and his friend were actually doing and thought it was just this video for a status. I genuinely do believe them because I know they're both nice boys and wouldn't say those things meaning it.

I don't know what to do and the worse thing is that I'm still not over him and I still like him. Please help me.

Heyy @mia_, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. 

Break ups are always difficult, I am sorry that you're going through this. I hear you, and how the break up was not done in a respectful manner, especially over text is impersonal and makes it harder to fully understand the tonality and emotions of a person. I do admire you for being understanding of his decision and respecting the boundaries after breaking up, doesn't give him or his friends the right to say anything hurtful to you.

You need time to process everything you've been through and asking to be friends so soon is not possible for everyone, relationships are energy not light switches. You cannot just end one and then immediately shift to being 'friends' without taking some time and space, when a dynamic changes, the energy does too. And hey, no one expects you to be over him, so please try to be slightly self compassionate and give yourself the time to process and heal from it all. 

Instead of giving you suggestions on what to do, I'd like to give you the space to ask yourself what you need first and please do share that with me so that I can give you the support you need. How does that sound?

Sad Best Friends GIF by Lisa Vertudaches 

End of any relationship is hard, here's a hug. Here for you.  

 

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Hello! Thank you so much for the hug, I really appreciate it:)

I think what I need are definitely some support from my friends, they've given me SO much support already but most of the time they're telling me to forget about him and saying I need to move on. I think what I need from them is some advice for the whole not getting over him and that. I know it's a lot to ask. Especially because they've been so kind and caring to me but I want them to stop talking crap about him. I think I also really need to talk to him how we used to talk. We used to joke a lot together, complain about our family and school together, talk about the meaning of life together. I really wanna do that right now but it's probably gonna be really complicated and awkward and he probably doesn't want to do it. I think the last thing I need is something sweet, preferably chocolate like a Caramilk or a crunchie but we don't have those in my house right now. Lately I've been craving sweet things but things that aren't too sweet if you know what I mean.

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6 hours ago, mia_ said:

Hello! Thank you so much for the hug, I really appreciate it:)

I think what I need are definitely some support from my friends, they've given me SO much support already but most of the time they're telling me to forget about him and saying I need to move on. I think what I need from them is some advice for the whole not getting over him and that. I know it's a lot to ask. Especially because they've been so kind and caring to me but I want them to stop talking crap about him. I think I also really need to talk to him how we used to talk. We used to joke a lot together, complain about our family and school together, talk about the meaning of life together. I really wanna do that right now but it's probably gonna be really complicated and awkward and he probably doesn't want to do it. I think the last thing I need is something sweet, preferably chocolate like a Caramilk or a crunchie but we don't have those in my house right now. Lately I've been craving sweet things but things that aren't too sweet if you know what I mean.

Caramilk does sound yummy! I do recommend keeping some snacks and chocolates that comfort you especially for days when you feel lower than usual. I think it's fair you want more support from your friends, you're going through a tough time, a suggestion would be to check in with your friends on how much mental capacity or space they have to cater to you on particular days, boundaries are always helpful in these situations because this allows for your friends to feel burdened and vice versa for you to have a safe space to express. How does this sound to you?

Btw I completely get what you mean about everyone asking you to forget him, it's difficult for sure as it's such a fresh wound. Would you feel comfortable sharing with your friends what you need how you've shared with me?

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Yeah it does sound good, I think it'll take a while for me to do that though because I'll need to gain confidence to say it to them though. I guess I do feel comfortable but its kind of hard because ever since the break up my friends hate him. They've gone out of my way to show him that they don't like him anymore but I don't want them to keep doing it because I don't want anyones feelings to get hurt. Like yesterday I was trying I was talking about a joke he said in swim training and my friend looked at me and said: "why are you think about the joke he made, stop thinking about him." That's when I started overthinking about what they'd say when I'd ask them to stop saying mean things about him and to help me get over him, stuff like that.

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Luie
This post was recognized by Luie!

Gremlin was awarded the badge 'Helpful' and 20 points.

Hello

I saw your post and I just wanted to say that, I 100% sympathize with your break up and getting over him. When you’re so used to being around someone for so long you get used to being with them. Talking to them, seeing their name pop up onto your phone, and having them just end thing out of the blue can be a harsh transition to get used too. Especially with they way that he went about it, very confusing. @~@

With getting over someone as I’m sure you know by now takes time. You don’t want to rush the healing because it won’t make the hurt go away any faster. Talking to your friends about it is a great start! It can allow you to get some things off of your chest. But also know that they can be a bit mean to him about what happens 😅. Some things that could try is

listening to music

watching movies, shows, YouTube

writing how you feel down in a journal or price of paper can help

letting yourself feel and crying it out

These all things you can try out your don’t have to follow them. What’s most important is that your doing it to make yourself feel better even if it’s just a little bit, I know that he will be on your mind for a while. But as the days go and being around the people that support you and are by your side, they will fade slowly one day at a time. You are super strong and and amazing things will get better  even if it doesn’t seem like it now. 🤗

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8 hours ago, mia_ said:

Yeah it does sound good, I think it'll take a while for me to do that though because I'll need to gain confidence to say it to them though. I guess I do feel comfortable but its kind of hard because ever since the break up my friends hate him. They've gone out of my way to show him that they don't like him anymore but I don't want them to keep doing it because I don't want anyones feelings to get hurt. Like yesterday I was trying I was talking about a joke he said in swim training and my friend looked at me and said: "why are you think about the joke he made, stop thinking about him." That's when I started overthinking about what they'd say when I'd ask them to stop saying mean things about him and to help me get over him, stuff like that.

Heyy @mia_, I totally see why you began overthinking what they'd mentioned and asking you to just switch off the feelings and everything about him which I personally understand is deeply hurtful and difficult. Please do not feel pressurized into speaking with your friends right away on things, take your time, you're going through a break up and your mind and body requires more energy to process it all. I do think @Gremlin has given some helpful pointers, how do those sound to you?

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19 hours ago, Gremlin said:

Hello

I saw your post and I just wanted to say that, I 100% sympathize with your break up and getting over him. When you’re so used to being around someone for so long you get used to being with them. Talking to them, seeing their name pop up onto your phone, and having them just end thing out of the blue can be a harsh transition to get used too. Especially with they way that he went about it, very confusing. @~@

With getting over someone as I’m sure you know by now takes time. You don’t want to rush the healing because it won’t make the hurt go away any faster. Talking to your friends about it is a great start! It can allow you to get some things off of your chest. But also know that they can be a bit mean to him about what happens 😅. Some things that could try is

listening to music

watching movies, shows, YouTube

writing how you feel down in a journal or price of paper can help

letting yourself feel and crying it out

These all things you can try out your don’t have to follow them. What’s most important is that your doing it to make yourself feel better even if it’s just a little bit, I know that he will be on your mind for a while. But as the days go and being around the people that support you and are by your side, they will fade slowly one day at a time. You are super strong and and amazing things will get better  even if it doesn’t seem like it now. 🤗

Thank you so much!! Lately I have been listening to music more and watching tv, it really does help make me feel distracted and more calm. It's how I first dealt with the schlock of the break up, after he said he wanted to break up I went downstairs and watch the second Enola Holmes movie (it was quite good) it made me completely forget about it and definitely did calm me down for a little bit. Thank you for supporting me :D

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14 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @mia_, I totally see why you began overthinking what they'd mentioned and asking you to just switch off the feelings and everything about him which I personally understand is deeply hurtful and difficult. Please do not feel pressurized into speaking with your friends right away on things, take your time, you're going through a break up and your mind and body requires more energy to process it all. I do think @Gremlin has given some helpful pointers, how do those sound to you?

They sounded really good and I'm glad that they really do help me. It's kind of hard to not talk to them because we're all in the same class and one of my friends are coming over to my place today. I think I should just forget about him for today and enjoy my time with my friend.

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1 hour ago, mia_ said:

Thank you so much!! Lately I have been listening to music more and watching tv, it really does help make me feel distracted and more calm. It's how I first dealt with the schlock of the break up, after he said he wanted to break up I went downstairs and watch the second Enola Holmes movie (it was quite good) it made me completely forget about it and definitely did calm me down for a little bit. Thank you for supporting me :D

I’m glade you were able to find something that helps you slowly think about him less. Enola Homes, both of the movies are so good! It definitely get me thinking whenever I watch them.

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  • Digital Mentor
15 hours ago, mia_ said:

They sounded really good and I'm glad that they really do help me. It's kind of hard to not talk to them because we're all in the same class and one of my friends are coming over to my place today. I think I should just forget about him for today and enjoy my time with my friend.

Proud of you for being able to compartmentalize your emotions for a while, it's not something you always need to do but a great skill to have so that everything doesn't consume you. And hey, the journey of moving forward and processing a break up is so personal,  the community is here for you, so am I. So take as long as you need and do what feels best for you. 

@Gremlin I agree. Enola Holmes both the parts are fantastic ! Great choice. If you and @mia_ liked that, maybe check out the series Wednesday which is on Netflix too, I watched it over the weekend and it is so worth it. 

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3 hours ago, Gremlin said:

Omg I’m so glade you mentioned Wednesday @Luie, I watched the show as well. I couldn’t put the remote down once I started watching, 100% recommend!

Lmao I'm watching Wednesday right now too, I started last Thursday its really good!

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Never mind. Moving on won't be so hard as I thought it was now. Today in swim training he was being such a dick and he was so annoying. He kept on saying that he only dated me because he felt sorry for me, that he hates me, and that I'm such a loser. He kept on saying such mean things that I know aren't true. He was the one that asked me up, he was the one who got me earrings, he was the one that helped me stop self harming, he was the one who always wanted to go on dates, he was the one who always wanted to call me. He said I was a shit girlfriend when I wasn't. I was ALWAYS there for him no matter what, I cared for him. I helped him stop self harming. I don't know if I'm denial or not but all I do know is that I am extremely pissed of with him.

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7 hours ago, mia_ said:

Never mind. Moving on won't be so hard as I thought it was now. Today in swim training he was being such a dick and he was so annoying. He kept on saying that he only dated me because he felt sorry for me, that he hates me, and that I'm such a loser. He kept on saying such mean things that I know aren't true. He was the one that asked me up, he was the one who got me earrings, he was the one that helped me stop self harming, he was the one who always wanted to go on dates, he was the one who always wanted to call me. He said I was a shit girlfriend when I wasn't. I was ALWAYS there for him no matter what, I cared for him. I helped him stop self harming. I don't know if I'm denial or not but all I do know is that I am extremely pissed of with him.

Heyy @mia_, sorry to hear that he has been saying untrue things about you and the relationship you both shared. I see why it is annoying and frustrating to you. You did what you thought was best during the relationship and if he cannot acknowledge that and chooses to be bitter post break up that just says a lot more about his character than yours.

Sometimes people tend to say unkind things about the other person to process their feelings or to make them feel okay about the break up, it doesn't make it right but that's their way of coping. How are you coping with it all though? I know you mentioned that moving on won't be difficult, but just wanna check in 🙂

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