Work fling ? or potential boyfriend?

[waterflaper2000]

So Im going to call this guy Tom. Me and Tom both work together and our job is physically demanding meaning sometimes we are very up close and personal with each other which tbh I don't complain about. In fact I actually enjoy i. We are the same age and have very similar interests and our relationship is very love/hate but in the way he can sometimes be a dick to me especially in our work group chat. In Aprill a group of us decided to go on a night out and we both went along as well, the night started very mundane and we were all just giggling and getting tipsy. One of the other guys we were with ended up going home early especially she was mostly sober so it was just me and Tom in the club. this was a little awkward to begin with but we both got on with and continued drinking and dancing with each other. we begun being very touchy with each other when he started putting his hand on my arse and then kissing me ... a lot. I kissed him back and this same night I had seen my ex which before would've upset me but I didn't think about him in any shape of form because all I could think off was Tom. We continued dancing with eachither while kissing and when we were leaving when the club closed it was mutual agreed he would come back to mine. Now this is where it gets confusing (for me at least). We were in the cab and he had his hand on my leg squeezing it and when we got back the kissing turned harder and we got to my room and he layed me down and went down on me. Which in previous casual relationships and one night stands doesn't happen. Due to previous events and complicated events this unnerved me to which he noticed and held my hands while also caressing my leg. Sorry for all the detail but I can't help to think this isn't normal behaviour for a casual thing ?? We ended up having sex, not rough sex but passionate sex. We then fell asleep cuddling with me on his chest playing with my hair and when I woke up he was helping me take off my necklace where it had got caught in my hair.  he then left shortly after and text me saying he didn't want things at work to be awkward and for me to feel weird around him. Ive never had someone be s nice about it tbh. it only happened the one time but we have since drunk together and he's been touchy with me again however due to the people we've been with I don't think we could've done anything if we had both wanted to. obviously things were a little awkward at work straight afterwards but now its gone back t normal where he takes the piss out of me and teases me a lot. He's always smiley round me and there's a hint of awkward tension but I don't know if I'm just over thinking this??

Please let me know any thoughts on this :)))))

[Aurora]

On 11/21/2022 at 10:35 PM, waterflaper2000 said:

So Im going to call this guy Tom. Me and Tom both work together and our job is physically demanding meaning sometimes we are very up close and personal with each other which tbh I don't complain about. In fact I actually enjoy i. We are the same age and have very similar interests and our relationship is very love/hate but in the way he can sometimes be a dick to me especially in our work group chat. In Aprill a group of us decided to go on a night out and we both went along as well, the night started very mundane and we were all just giggling and getting tipsy. One of the other guys we were with ended up going home early especially she was mostly sober so it was just me and Tom in the club. this was a little awkward to begin with but we both got on with and continued drinking and dancing with each other. we begun being very touchy with each other when he started putting his hand on my arse and then kissing me ... a lot. I kissed him back and this same night I had seen my ex which before would've upset me but I didn't think about him in any shape of form because all I could think off was Tom. We continued dancing with eachither while kissing and when we were leaving when the club closed it was mutual agreed he would come back to mine. Now this is where it gets confusing (for me at least). We were in the cab and he had his hand on my leg squeezing it and when we got back the kissing turned harder and we got to my room and he layed me down and went down on me. Which in previous casual relationships and one night stands doesn't happen. Due to previous events and complicated events this unnerved me to which he noticed and held my hands while also caressing my leg. Sorry for all the detail but I can't help to think this isn't normal behaviour for a casual thing ?? We ended up having sex, not rough sex but passionate sex. We then fell asleep cuddling with me on his chest playing with my hair and when I woke up he was helping me take off my necklace where it had got caught in my hair.  he then left shortly after and text me saying he didn't want things at work to be awkward and for me to feel weird around him. Ive never had someone be s nice about it tbh. it only happened the one time but we have since drunk together and he's been touchy with me again however due to the people we've been with I don't think we could've done anything if we had both wanted to. obviously things were a little awkward at work straight afterwards but now its gone back t normal where he takes the piss out of me and teases me a lot. He's always smiley round me and there's a hint of awkward tension but I don't know if I'm just over thinking this??

Please let me know any thoughts on this :)))))

Hi @waterflaper2000, welcome!! It's great to have you here. I'm Aurora and I'm one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label. I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. 

Thank you so much for explaining in detail what's been going on with your work colleague. I can definitely understand why you are feeling confused. From what you've been telling us it does sound like he likes you but nothing more has happened after your night together. This might be because he's unsure about your feelings are towards him or he might not be looking for a relationship at the moment. Can I ask, are there any rules in place at your work about co workers dating? I know that some companies have policies against it. If this isn't an obstacle, then how do you feel about talking to him? Maybe you could arrange to go for a drink after work, just the two of you? You could either ask him what your night together meant to him and wait for his answer first. Although, as it was a while ago now, you might not want to. Or maybe you could say that you've noticed that he gets quite touchy with you when you're out together and you just wanted to know if it means anything. Like this you can find out either way and if he currently isn't looking for a relationship, knowing that might help you to move on. From what you've mentioned he sounds like a really nice guy and hopefully he'll be open to talk about it. What do you think? 

Alternatively, do you have a work colleague you trust and who sees you and Tom together? Maybe you could speak to them and see whether they have noticed any signs that Tom likes you. I find it can be helpful to get someone else's perspective on something like this. They may have noticed something that you haven't.