Should i end a relationship?

[WintersTouch]

I've been having relationship trouble with one of my partners (we'll call them T) for a while now. We've been dating for a long time (two years in january!) but it hasn't really felt like a relationship for at least a year. I call them my partner, they call me their boyfriend, and we say 'love you' when we leave, but that's it. They never initiate or want physical contact, they never want to do romantic stuff (like dates), they interact with me when we're hanging out with other people, but ignore me when we're alone together, they never initiate hangouts or conversations, and i feel like i'm putting all the work into the relationship. I care about them a lot, and i don't want to ruin anything, but it doesn't seem to me like they want a romantic relationship. I think we would both be happier with a queer-platonic or fully platonic relationship, but i don't want to hurt them or ruin what we have. I also don't feel like they're a safe space for me, i'm always worried about them making fun of me, so i'm not myself around them. I think they mean it in a loving way, but it makes me feel really insecure. Its not like that with my other partners, i feel safe and loved and like they want to be around me. So i don't know what to do. Any advice?

[_Kai_]

3 hours ago, WintersTouch said:

I've been having relationship trouble with one of my partners (we'll call them T) for a while now. We've been dating for a long time (two years in january!) but it hasn't really felt like a relationship for at least a year. I call them my partner, they call me their boyfriend, and we say 'love you' when we leave, but that's it. They never initiate or want physical contact, they never want to do romantic stuff (like dates), they interact with me when we're hanging out with other people, but ignore me when we're alone together, they never initiate hangouts or conversations, and i feel like i'm putting all the work into the relationship. I care about them a lot, and i don't want to ruin anything, but it doesn't seem to me like they want a romantic relationship. I think we would both be happier with a queer-platonic or fully platonic relationship, but i don't want to hurt them or ruin what we have. I also don't feel like they're a safe space for me, i'm always worried about them making fun of me, so i'm not myself around them. I think they mean it in a loving way, but it makes me feel really insecure. Its not like that with my other partners, i feel safe and loved and like they want to be around me. So i don't know what to do. Any advice?

Hmmm, I've felt almost this same way with a part partner of mine. I'd say try & bring up these feelings, its not good or even healthy to keep em & put all the work for the relationship onto yourself.

 

[Luie]

20 hours ago, WintersTouch said:

I've been having relationship trouble with one of my partners (we'll call them T) for a while now. We've been dating for a long time (two years in january!) but it hasn't really felt like a relationship for at least a year. I call them my partner, they call me their boyfriend, and we say 'love you' when we leave, but that's it. They never initiate or want physical contact, they never want to do romantic stuff (like dates), they interact with me when we're hanging out with other people, but ignore me when we're alone together, they never initiate hangouts or conversations, and i feel like i'm putting all the work into the relationship. I care about them a lot, and i don't want to ruin anything, but it doesn't seem to me like they want a romantic relationship. I think we would both be happier with a queer-platonic or fully platonic relationship, but i don't want to hurt them or ruin what we have. I also don't feel like they're a safe space for me, i'm always worried about them making fun of me, so i'm not myself around them. I think they mean it in a loving way, but it makes me feel really insecure. Its not like that with my other partners, i feel safe and loved and like they want to be around me. So i don't know what to do. Any advice?

Heyy @WintersTouch, I am Luie one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. 

It sounds like you've been feeling off about your relationship for a while now. I hear you, that at times the relationship in itself seems all okay but there is something that feels like is missing or perhaps you are needing more out of in it, which is completely normal to want and crave. @_Kai_ does have a good point about the communication. These feelings can only be hidden for a while, currently you love, respect and deeply care about your partner however, over time such feelings if not communicated in a healthy manner can become a source of resentment and blame towards your partner and from what it sounds like to me is not something you want for either one of you. I understand that it can be difficult in finding the courage to speak about your needs and just generally the feelings surrounding the relationship as it could seem like a confrontation, but I do highly encourage you when you're ready to do so. How does this sound to you?

[WintersTouch]

35 minutes ago, Luie said:

Heyy @WintersTouch, I am Luie one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. 

It sounds like you've been feeling off about your relationship for a while now. I hear you, that at times the relationship in itself seems all okay but there is something that feels like is missing or perhaps you are needing more out of in it, which is completely normal to want and crave. @_Kai_ does have a good point about the communication. These feelings can only be hidden for a while, currently you love, respect and deeply care about your partner however, over time such feelings if not communicated in a healthy manner can become a source of resentment and blame towards your partner and from what it sounds like to me is not something you want for either one of you. I understand that it can be difficult in finding the courage to speak about your needs and just generally the feelings surrounding the relationship as it could seem like a confrontation, but I do highly encourage you when you're ready to do so. How does this sound to you?

Thanks for your advice. We've talked, and we decided that it would be better if we went back to being friends. It was scary and hard, but it's what was best for both of us. 

[Luie]

On 11/18/2022 at 5:46 PM, WintersTouch said:

Thanks for your advice. We've talked, and we decided that it would be better if we went back to being friends. It was scary and hard, but it's what was best for both of us. 

I am so glad to hear this @WintersTouch. Take care of yourself and if you need to speak more in the future feel free to message.  I'd love it if you could please take a moment to let us know how I did, using the form below. Thank you!