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why are feeling so confusing


emnma    

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma

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ok so sorry in advance for being all over the place with this

so before i started high school, i never dated anyone seriously and was pretty platonic with all of my friends. once i got into high school though, i started meeting more lgbtq+ people, and in turn my dating pool increased, but i never actually dated someone. i became really close with a lot of people really fast, which was kind of overwhelming for me on top of taking ap and honors classes. a couple days before halloween, i went to a party that one of my queer friends (we’re going to call her katie) was throwing. there weren’t that many people there and i knew everyone who was going. a few hours into the party, katie suggested spin the bottle, which we all said ok to. she ended up being my first kiss and then we made out twice in the next few days after that. i made the mistake of asking her what we were because i was confused. she then asked me to be her girlfriend which i said yes to at the time because i was a bit high. after i sobered up, i realized what i had done and almost had a panic attack. i didn’t think i was ready for a long term commitment with her and i didn’t really think of her that way, it was more of a “i like to kiss you but i don’t think of you that way” sort of deal. i talked to one of my friends about it (let’s call her josie) and josie said she would tell katie for me if i wanted her to. it’s become really awkward between me and katie, but me and josie have become close through this. a few days ago, we hung out with the rest of our friend group, which katie is a part of and ended up cuddling and kissing, which katie seemed upset about. me and josie then hung out last night just the two of us. we were cuddling and watching tv for most of the time and we talked about our lives a lot. we then talked to one of her guy friends who she is on and off with. i could tell that she really likes him even though they weren’t dating at the time. we kissed a couple more times and then she had to go home. i’m not sure if i like her of if i just like the affection she gives me because of past trauma and it’s really confusing because neither of us are looking for a relationship rn but my dumb self still wants to know what we are. if someone could give me some advice on this, that would be great. 

that is the end of my ted talk and thank you for coming :)

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma

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12 hours ago, emnma said:

ok so sorry in advance for being all over the place with this

so before i started high school, i never dated anyone seriously and was pretty platonic with all of my friends. once i got into high school though, i started meeting more lgbtq+ people, and in turn my dating pool increased, but i never actually dated someone. i became really close with a lot of people really fast, which was kind of overwhelming for me on top of taking ap and honors classes. a couple days before halloween, i went to a party that one of my queer friends (we’re going to call her katie) was throwing. there weren’t that many people there and i knew everyone who was going. a few hours into the party, katie suggested spin the bottle, which we all said ok to. she ended up being my first kiss and then we made out twice in the next few days after that. i made the mistake of asking her what we were because i was confused. she then asked me to be her girlfriend which i said yes to at the time because i was a bit high. after i sobered up, i realized what i had done and almost had a panic attack. i didn’t think i was ready for a long term commitment with her and i didn’t really think of her that way, it was more of a “i like to kiss you but i don’t think of you that way” sort of deal. i talked to one of my friends about it (let’s call her josie) and josie said she would tell katie for me if i wanted her to. it’s become really awkward between me and katie, but me and josie have become close through this. a few days ago, we hung out with the rest of our friend group, which katie is a part of and ended up cuddling and kissing, which katie seemed upset about. me and josie then hung out last night just the two of us. we were cuddling and watching tv for most of the time and we talked about our lives a lot. we then talked to one of her guy friends who she is on and off with. i could tell that she really likes him even though they weren’t dating at the time. we kissed a couple more times and then she had to go home. i’m not sure if i like her of if i just like the affection she gives me because of past trauma and it’s really confusing because neither of us are looking for a relationship rn but my dumb self still wants to know what we are. if someone could give me some advice on this, that would be great. 

that is the end of my ted talk and thank you for coming :)

ok so update, im now a homewrecker. josie has a boyfriend. and she cheated on him with me even though she kept going on abt how perfect he is and stuff. they've talked about MARRIAGE and CHILDREN and MOVING IN TOGETHER. like miss ma'am, im not about to come between you two. also, idk if im in the wrong here because she kept telling me that she was single even though she wasn't and now i feel really bad because her boyfriend is really nice and is the sweetest human being ive ever met. i am literally unable to sleep because this is weighing on me so much, i also have that one billie eilish song stuck in my head, the one that goes "if i love you was a promise, would you break it, if youre honest" so yeah

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