I dont know what to think (very very long rant/kinda a vent)

[The_Rainfall_Sys]

So this is a very long rant but were very conflicted, so basically were in our schools tech crew and are friends with everyone there, we had our shows Thursday, Friday and Saturday (we missed the Saturday show) and on Thursday nigh we had our diner night, now tech (and pit but pit less so) gets left outta everything since our cast kinda thinks they’re better than us (or at least act that way) so we all kinda didnt wanna go/knew we weren’t gonna have a good time, and now tech got there a tad late (like 20ish minutes since we had to do some clean up after the show) but they somehow had enough seats for cast and pit but not for the 7 kids in tech so we had to drag tabels together that they had pushed off to the side so we could sit together (and they had everyone rsp so they knew who was coming/how many people were coming) so we were kinda upset and what didnt help was one of the kids whos mom like runs everything (lets call him T) stood up and said “hey guys so weve kinda decided that the cast party is just gonna be for the cast, sorry but if your angry you can air your grievances amongst yourselves” and than like a minute later stood up and was like “oops turns out everyone can come” but like no one is tech or pit was going to go anyways cause learning that we couldn’t go was literally the first time we had heard anything about the cast party and so one of the girls in tech (lets call her A) had already planned her own party for tech and pit so i mean we were upset at that but not too upset more like a “hes joking right” kinda mad, than it only got worse when T stood up and like gave a speech talking about how proud he was that we were able to put everything behind us and how weve now come together as one (while there is a literal physical barrier between us) and that got us more upset one of the kids who was in pit but was sitting with us since at that point was kinda an honorerary member of tech crew like laughed/choked on his water which mad everyone stare at us and than kinda laugh it off but T was kinda upset at us but we were kinda upset at him and his friends for acting like this. Than comes the cast rap where everything goes wrong first A writes “T and everyone else needs to shut up backstage, F- T” now at the time i didn’t realize she wrote the second part so i was like oh thats not too bad like we’re allowed to be mean but not too mean, now the kid whos an honerary member wrote someone awful that everyone except for A was telling him not to do but the kid has no filiter and wasn’t listening to us at all throughout the hole night and he sure wasnt gonna start now. But now the person who was handing around the cast rap told T and he definitely didnt like that (dont blame him) and he got really mad, turns out he was only mad at A since they were friends. Than A said because T and other were mad at her she wasnt gonna show up to the show so than our stage manager got absolutely no sleep on Friday when she heard this and got to the school at 11am for our 7pm show so she could rework the whole thing and was so insanely stressed, than our LD (lighting director) forced A to come in to at least explain what was going on, she than lied to our stage manager and our audio guy for 45 minutes and was saying things we know aren’t true (ex. We forced her to write what she did on the cast rap - we weren’t even apart of that like besides telling them not to do it, she hasnt seen her family in three months and thats why she’s acting out - a very large amount of her family came to one of the shows, stuff like that) and I basically got told all of this and more stuff that shes done to people she was friends with and now i dont know what to think cause i like being friends with her and shes pretty cool around me but also if shes done all this i dont want to be friends with her but also she doesn’t know i know this so idk how i would even bring it up. 

[Luie]

On 11/8/2022 at 4:00 PM, The_Rainfall_Sys said:

So this is a very long rant but were very conflicted, so basically were in our schools tech crew and are friends with everyone there, we had our shows Thursday, Friday and Saturday (we missed the Saturday show) and on Thursday nigh we had our diner night, now tech (and pit but pit less so) gets left outta everything since our cast kinda thinks they’re better than us (or at least act that way) so we all kinda didnt wanna go/knew we weren’t gonna have a good time, and now tech got there a tad late (like 20ish minutes since we had to do some clean up after the show) but they somehow had enough seats for cast and pit but not for the 7 kids in tech so we had to drag tabels together that they had pushed off to the side so we could sit together (and they had everyone rsp so they knew who was coming/how many people were coming) so we were kinda upset and what didnt help was one of the kids whos mom like runs everything (lets call him T) stood up and said “hey guys so weve kinda decided that the cast party is just gonna be for the cast, sorry but if your angry you can air your grievances amongst yourselves” and than like a minute later stood up and was like “oops turns out everyone can come” but like no one is tech or pit was going to go anyways cause learning that we couldn’t go was literally the first time we had heard anything about the cast party and so one of the girls in tech (lets call her A) had already planned her own party for tech and pit so i mean we were upset at that but not too upset more like a “hes joking right” kinda mad, than it only got worse when T stood up and like gave a speech talking about how proud he was that we were able to put everything behind us and how weve now come together as one (while there is a literal physical barrier between us) and that got us more upset one of the kids who was in pit but was sitting with us since at that point was kinda an honorerary member of tech crew like laughed/choked on his water which mad everyone stare at us and than kinda laugh it off but T was kinda upset at us but we were kinda upset at him and his friends for acting like this. Than comes the cast rap where everything goes wrong first A writes “T and everyone else needs to shut up backstage, F- T” now at the time i didn’t realize she wrote the second part so i was like oh thats not too bad like we’re allowed to be mean but not too mean, now the kid whos an honerary member wrote someone awful that everyone except for A was telling him not to do but the kid has no filiter and wasn’t listening to us at all throughout the hole night and he sure wasnt gonna start now. But now the person who was handing around the cast rap told T and he definitely didnt like that (dont blame him) and he got really mad, turns out he was only mad at A since they were friends. Than A said because T and other were mad at her she wasnt gonna show up to the show so than our stage manager got absolutely no sleep on Friday when she heard this and got to the school at 11am for our 7pm show so she could rework the whole thing and was so insanely stressed, than our LD (lighting director) forced A to come in to at least explain what was going on, she than lied to our stage manager and our audio guy for 45 minutes and was saying things we know aren’t true (ex. We forced her to write what she did on the cast rap - we weren’t even apart of that like besides telling them not to do it, she hasnt seen her family in three months and thats why she’s acting out - a very large amount of her family came to one of the shows, stuff like that) and I basically got told all of this and more stuff that shes done to people she was friends with and now i dont know what to think cause i like being friends with her and shes pretty cool around me but also if shes done all this i dont want to be friends with her but also she doesn’t know i know this so idk how i would even bring it up. 

 

Heyy @The_Rainfall_Sys , welcome to our community, I am Luie one of the Support Mentors with Ditch the Label. 

Thank you you being candid about your feelings. I see why this is a dilemma for you. I am going to pose two scenarios for you and I'd like to hear what you'd want to do:

SCENARIO ONE:

With the current information you do have about your friend you choose to have a conversation and understand where she is coming from (even if she was lying to your stage manager), share with her what you know to a certain degree and let her know that you're not coming from a place of blaming her, rather you're concerned how she might be coming off to other people and how this in the long run concerns you as a friend and could be detrimental to your friendship.

SCENARIO TWO:

Knowing what you know through other people and wanting to protect yourself from something similar happening to you, you let her know that this is not something that sits right with you and however cool she is with you it's not okay to look down on others and you're choosing to end your friendship moving forward as this could become unhealthy in the long run. 

There is no right or wrong answer, just choices. I'd like you to take some time and think about them - Do either one of them resonates with you? Or perhaps combining few pieces from both of them? Or something different altogether that you'd like to say/do? Let's figure it out together.

 

[The_Rainfall_Sys]

45 minutes ago, Luie said:

Heyy @The_Rainfall_Sys , welcome to our community, I am Luie one of the Support Mentors with Ditch the Label. 

Thank you you being candid about your feelings. I see why this is a dilemma for you. I am going to pose two scenarios for you and I'd like to hear what you'd want to do:

SCENARIO ONE:

With the current information you do have about your friend you choose to have a conversation and understand where she is coming from (even if she was lying to your stage manager), share with her what you know to a certain degree and let her know that you're not coming from a place of blaming her, rather you're concerned how she might be coming off to other people and how this in the long run concerns you as a friend and could be detrimental to your friendship.

SCENARIO TWO:

Knowing what you know through other people and wanting to protect yourself from something similar happening to you, you let her know that this is not something that sits right with you and however cool she is with you it's not okay to look down on others and you're choosing to end your friendship moving forward as this could become unhealthy in the long run. 

There is no right or wrong answer, just choices. I'd like you to take some time and think about them - Do either one of them resonates with you? Or perhaps combining few pieces from both of them? Or something different altogether that you'd like to say/do? Let's figure it out together.

Thank you for the response and i think as of now the first option is probably the one thats better but at the same time i feel like thats kinda letting down my other friends since all this happened to them and instead of standing with them ill just be awkwardly in the middle not on either side, thats probably a very iratinal thought but i cant stop thinking about how choosing to be friends with someone could hurt my other friends and do i just cut them off so i can please/know im making more people feel better/safer 

[Cal_The_Oyster]

6 minutes ago, The_Rainfall_Sys said:

Thank you for the response and i think as of now the first option is probably the one thats better but at the same time i feel like thats kinda letting down my other friends since all this happened to them and instead of standing with them ill just be awkwardly in the middle not on either side, thats probably a very iratinal thought but i cant stop thinking about how choosing to be friends with someone could hurt my other friends and do i just cut them off so i can please/know im making more people feel better/safer 

I dont see how making new friends has to impact already known friends 

[The_Rainfall_Sys]

11 minutes ago, Thisboiistrans said:

I dont see how making new friends has to impact already known friends 

Well i mean if i continue trying to be friends with A than i feel like thats rude to everyone shes hurt and kinda saying to them that i dont care that she hurt them, but i do cause they’re also my friends… thats how i see it anyways 

[Cal_The_Oyster]

1 minute ago, The_Rainfall_Sys said:

Well i mean if i continue trying to be friends with A than i feel like thats rude to everyone shes hurt and kinda saying to them that i dont care that she hurt them, but i do cause they’re also my friends… thats how i see it anyways 

Now that you say that it would make sense why your feeling this way

[The_Rainfall_Sys]

2 hours ago, Thisboiistrans said:

Now that you say that it would make sense why your feeling this way

Yea i dont know what to do… i may just not do anything and kinda see what happens? Not sure if thats a good plan but it may be the plan that gets the least amount of people hurt

[Cal_The_Oyster]

6 minutes ago, The_Rainfall_Sys said:

Yea i dont know what to do… i may just not do anything and kinda see what happens? Not sure if thats a good plan but it may be the plan that gets the least amount of people hurt

I have no clue. Just do what feels right for you 

[Luie]

22 hours ago, The_Rainfall_Sys said:

Thank you for the response and i think as of now the first option is probably the one thats better but at the same time i feel like thats kinda letting down my other friends since all this happened to them and instead of standing with them ill just be awkwardly in the middle not on either side, thats probably a very iratinal thought but i cant stop thinking about how choosing to be friends with someone could hurt my other friends and do i just cut them off so i can please/know im making more people feel better/safer 

Heyy @The_Rainfall_Sys, I wanted to say that your deep empathy towards your other friends is admirable and a quality to cherish for sure. That being said, the position you are in is not an easy one, and sometimes in life we take an easier pathway that causes us less pain, which is okay. You do not need to always be selfless and put everyone else's needs ahead of yours whilst hurting yourself, like in your current friendship it is something that bothers you but you're not ready to have such a conversation and jeopardize it.

None of what you've said sounds irrational to me. Life can sometimes be black and white but let's be real - relationships are not (this includes friendships). In any relationship, you can only ever control your own actions and behaviours, you cannot control what the other party wants, thinks, or needs what I am trying to say is that you don't have to cut people off, you can respectfully compartmentalize those friendships in your life if you choose to move forward with them, their reaction is not your responsibility. To echo what @Thisboiistrans mentioned, do what feels right for you right now. This might change later on and you have all rights to make those changes then. 

How does this sound to you?

[The_Rainfall_Sys]

7 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @The_Rainfall_Sys, I wanted to say that your deep empathy towards your other friends is admirable and a quality to cherish for sure. That being said, the position you are in is not an easy one, and sometimes in life we take an easier pathway that causes us less pain, which is okay. You do not need to always be selfless and put everyone else's needs ahead of yours whilst hurting yourself, like in your current friendship it is something that bothers you but you're not ready to have such a conversation and jeopardize it.

None of what you've said sounds irrational to me. Life can sometimes be black and white but let's be real - relationships are not (this includes friendships). In any relationship, you can only ever control your own actions and behaviours, you cannot control what the other party wants, thinks, or needs what I am trying to say is that you don't have to cut people off, you can respectfully compartmentalize those friendships in your life if you choose to move forward with them, their reaction is not your responsibility. To echo what @Thisboiistrans mentioned, do what feels right for you right now. This might change later on and you have all rights to make those changes then. 

How does this sound to you?

Thank you this definitely calmed some of our nerves and has calmed some of my anxiety about this 

[Luie]

Heyy @The_Rainfall_Sys I am glad it was helpful. I'd love it if you could please take a moment to let us know how we did, using the form below. Thank you!

 

 

[The_Rainfall_Sys]

27 minutes ago, Luie said:

Heyy @The_Rainfall_Sys I am glad it was helpful. I'd love it if you could please take a moment to let us know how we did, using the form below. Thank you!

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