neekob2222 Posted November 3, 2022 Share Posted November 3, 2022 So my day was pretty good all the way till I got home because my friend/crush/brother, lost his grandma yesterday and I don't know what to say or do help. 3 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted November 3, 2022 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 3, 2022 16 hours ago, neekob2222 said: So my day was pretty good all the way till I got home because my friend/crush/brother, lost his grandma yesterday and I don't know what to say or do help. Heyy @neekob2222, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I am sorry to hear about your friend/crush/brother's loss. It's not easy losing someone close to us who meant a lot. I've been where you are in terms of wanting to be there for this person in your life when they're going through such grief and also been in a position of loss. I am sharing this because sometimes when we want to support someone who is going through a loss we assume things they might need or even begin over compensating for the loss, I am not saying you are doing this, I am just saying it's something that can happen when wanting to be there for your friend, so be aware of this and be there for them the way they need it. Ask what your friend needs, physically and/or emotionally? This is a good way to be there for them in the way they need it You can also just be present with them and sit with the pain, it might sound like it's not helpful but at times you just need someone beside you to go through a loss Depending on the friendship you have, you can check with them about how they've been eating, sleeping, etc. During a loss we tend to lose the sense of personal care at times so perhaps getting them food (home cooked or something they enjoy from outside) and having it with them Try not to keep asking them 'how they are feeling' because let's be real, they're not okay right now, rather say 'I don't know how you feel, but I know it's tough on you, just know that I am here to help in any way I can, however long you need.' This shows your love, care and support towards them without pushing the boundaries of expecting them to get better Everyone grieves on their timeline, so just give them space when necessary but be reachable and check in, maybe send them a few supportive texts, or if using Emojis/GIFS/Memes are your thing, then do that, these little messages will be a reminder that they are not alone The few things I have mentioned are from personal experience so would like to hear what you think of it and whether this is something you'd like to try? Also, would like to check in with you and how you're feeling about it all? I do want to say that you are a caring friend to want to be able to be there for them, hope everyone gets such a friend 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neekob2222 Posted November 3, 2022 Author Share Posted November 3, 2022 Yeah he was always their for me throught my life because I lost a couple family members and thiss is the first time he's lost a family member but ever since I had a crush on him I just feel like I should be there for him. And I think this sounds good hopefully it will work. I felt pretty upset I still am because his grandma is really nice she's known me since 2nd grade and it just sucks losing someone you've known for years. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted November 3, 2022 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 3, 2022 18 minutes ago, neekob2222 said: Yeah he was always their for me throught my life because I lost a couple family members and thiss is the first time he's lost a family member but ever since I had a crush on him I just feel like I should be there for him. And I think this sounds good hopefully it will work. I felt pretty upset I still am because his grandma is really nice she's known me since 2nd grade and it just sucks losing someone you've known for years. I know I said earlier I was sorry for your friends loss, but I want to add that I am sorry about your loss too. It sounds like you had such a lovely relationship with his grandma over the years. Here for you if you wanna talk more about how you've been dealing with the loss of your own family members. I was curious, you mentioned you have a crush on this guy, have you shared your feelings with him in the past or is it something you've recently began feeling? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neekob2222 Posted November 3, 2022 Author Share Posted November 3, 2022 Ok and I haven't told him because we've been friends our whole life and he thinks I'ma be straight my whole life and I came out bi last year and he's also straight and I've been scared to tell him because I don't want to lose our friendship. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted November 4, 2022 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 4, 2022 On 11/3/2022 at 6:27 PM, neekob2222 said: Ok and I haven't told him because we've been friends our whole life and he thinks I'ma be straight my whole life and I came out bi last year and he's also straight and I've been scared to tell him because I don't want to lose our friendship. Hm, that does sound slightly tricky. I do understand that expressing yourself is important but I do wonder whether this crush towards your friend is something deeper or just a crush? The reason I am mentioning this is because if it's just a crush and will pass and you get to keep this friendship as it seems extremely important to you then maybe you don't need to share it (also he is straight so I do wonder whether it will be reciprocated) but if it's something you think has to be shared then I would encourage you to hypothetically play out different scenarios and see the pros and cons. How does this sound to you? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neekob2222 Posted November 4, 2022 Author Share Posted November 4, 2022 Like I wanna have a deeper relationship with him and stuff and yes this sounds good ima try to tell him sooner then later MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted November 4, 2022 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 4, 2022 Yes ofcourse, looking forward to hearing how it goes for you. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neekob2222 Posted November 4, 2022 Author Share Posted November 4, 2022 so I told him, how I had a crush on him for a year now and that i really like him and wanted to take the relationship deeper, and he said he will have to think about it because he's not really into bi people or anything and try to experiment on what it's gonna be like. so hopefully i'll be able to date him. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted November 5, 2022 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 5, 2022 19 hours ago, neekob2222 said: so I told him, how I had a crush on him for a year now and that i really like him and wanted to take the relationship deeper, and he said he will have to think about it because he's not really into bi people or anything and try to experiment on what it's gonna be like. so hopefully i'll be able to date him. It sounds to me that he is going to give it a thought and I do hope it works in your favour. Whatever the outcome might be I need you to know that am so proud of you for having the courage to speak your truth and be honest about your feelings, it's not easy what you've done, so kudos. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neekob2222 Posted November 5, 2022 Author Share Posted November 5, 2022 thank you and i do to 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted November 6, 2022 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 6, 2022 Hello @neekob2222! I just wanted to check in on your recent support request. I'd love it if you could please take a moment to let us know how I did, using the form below. Thank you! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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