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how do i come out


noah_    

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Hey, thanks for reading if you do my names noah and i'm non-binary most of my friends know but some of them don't i'm going to tell them soon but my question is how do i comeout to my family i love my family i really do but sometimes i notice that if there's someone part of the lgbtqia+ communtiy around they kind of act weird except my oldest sister but after we leave or were alone my siblings will make comments along with my dad. I'm only 14 so i can't drive anywhere if my coming out goes wrong what do i do?

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23 minutes ago, noah_ said:

Hey, thanks for reading if you do my names noah and i'm non-binary most of my friends know but some of them don't i'm going to tell them soon but my question is how do i comeout to my family i love my family i really do but sometimes i notice that if there's someone part of the lgbtqia+ communtiy around they kind of act weird except my oldest sister but after we leave or were alone my siblings will make comments along with my dad. I'm only 14 so i can't drive anywhere if my coming out goes wrong what do i do?

Hey there,

here is a link for advice for coming out, https://www.ditchthelabel.org/9-tips-coming-out-to-parents/

plus, here at ditch the label there are support mentors who are here to listen and work with you. They can do that by confidential support on your screen. The digital mentors are; @Monsoon @Aurora @Blondie and @Luie

hugs! Welcome to the community 

Leila

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31 minutes ago, noah_ said:

Hey, thanks for reading if you do my names noah and i'm non-binary most of my friends know but some of them don't i'm going to tell them soon but my question is how do i comeout to my family i love my family i really do but sometimes i notice that if there's someone part of the lgbtqia+ communtiy around they kind of act weird except my oldest sister but after we leave or were alone my siblings will make comments along with my dad. I'm only 14 so i can't drive anywhere if my coming out goes wrong what do i do?

Ellooo noah! Welcome to Dtl, if ur older sister doesn't act weird when someone from the community is around then maybe you could try & tell her first (Whenever ur comfortable/ready to of course!), if it goes well with her then she could help u come out to the rest of ur family/friends. Remember that if they don't all support/accept u first, u gotta stay positive & have hope because it may be them still coming to the understanding of who u are now.

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17 hours ago, noah_ said:

Hey, thanks for reading if you do my names noah and i'm non-binary most of my friends know but some of them don't i'm going to tell them soon but my question is how do i comeout to my family i love my family i really do but sometimes i notice that if there's someone part of the lgbtqia+ communtiy around they kind of act weird except my oldest sister but after we leave or were alone my siblings will make comments along with my dad. I'm only 14 so i can't drive anywhere if my coming out goes wrong what do i do?

Heyy @noah_! I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. 

I want to firstly say congrats on coming out to yourself and your friends, this is massive and thank you for sharing it with us here on the community!

There are quite a few things you can do do prepare before coming out to your parents, however the first thing I'd like to address is your safety. You mentioned how if something goes wrong you won't be able to leave your home and that definitely is a concern. 

  • Plan for safety, and anticipate consequences and have a plan

 

As you are living with your parents and are dependent on them, consider the risks before you come out to your them. What is the worst case scenario? Will you need a place to stay? Will you be able to support yourself if needed? Will you be physically safe? If your worst case scenario is really bad, this may not be the time. I am sorry if this is not what you needed to hear but I do need to highlight it as it's important. 

  • Keep in mind that your parents are in a different place than you on this path

You’ve been thinking about this for a while, but it may be a surprise to your parents. They will need time, just as you have, to adjust to this news. Most parents go through stages similar to suffering a loss, and they must process this news. It may take a long time for them to become accepting and supportive as they adjust and change their view of the family and your future.

  • Prepare yourself for a wide range of reactions from parents and even siblings

 

They could be relieved, understanding, loving, affectionate and supportive when you come out. Or, they could be shocked, sad, confused, angry or condemning. Or anything in between. Their reaction in this conversation will not be their final reaction, no matter how positive or negative it is. It will change over time because this will shake their reality a little. 

  • Choosing the right time is crucial 

 

Things will be easier if your relationship with your parent is in a good place when you come out and you are not in arguments about other things. Even if you relationship with one parent is good and the conversation will seem easier to have with them choose that for yourself and do listen to your instincts about when they are ready to know, I am sure you'll be able to tell their moods etc. and try to find a space that is private, calm and a moment that is not rushed.

  • Planning what to say could be helpful if you choose to go forward with sharing (Here is just an example of what I think might be helpful, you can pick and choose what you'd like and ofcourse say what feels right to you)

E.g. ' Heyy Mum and Dad, do you have time to talk? I’ve got something on my mind that I've been meaning to share with you two, this is extremely hard for me to share and it might be hard for you to hear or you might not like it, I'd appreciate if you could hear me completely before saying anything..so here goes, I am non-binary, which means..' 

This is a lot of information that I have shared on this message, so please take your time to read and process, this is definitely tough but know you are not alone in this. So proud of you for taking the step of wanting to speak your truth and sharing who you are. Do let me know how all of this sounds to you? 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 minutes ago, Luie said:

Heyy @noah_! I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. 

I want to firstly say congrats on coming out to yourself and your friends, this is massive and thank you for sharing it with us here on the community!

There are quite a few things you can do do prepare before coming out to your parents, however the first thing I'd like to address is your safety. You mentioned how if something goes wrong you won't be able to leave your home and that definitely is a concern. 

  • Plan for safety, and anticipate consequences and have a plan

As you are living with your parents and are dependent on them, consider the risks before you come out to your them. What is the worst case scenario? Will you need a place to stay? Will you be able to support yourself if needed? Will you be physically safe? If your worst case scenario is really bad, this may not be the time. I am sorry if this is not what you needed to hear but I do need to highlight it as it's important. 

  • Keep in mind that your parents are in a different place than you on this path

You’ve been thinking about this for a while, but it may be a surprise to your parents. They will need time, just as you have, to adjust to this news. Most parents go through stages similar to suffering a loss, and they must process this news. It may take a long time for them to become accepting and supportive as they adjust and change their view of the family and your future.

  • Prepare yourself for a wide range of reactions from parents and even siblings

They could be relieved, understanding, loving, affectionate and supportive when you come out. Or, they could be shocked, sad, confused, angry or condemning. Or anything in between. Their reaction in this conversation will not be their final reaction, no matter how positive or negative it is. It will change over time because this will shake their reality a little. 

  • Choosing the right time is crucial 

Things will be easier if your relationship with your parent is in a good place when you come out and you are not in arguments about other things. Even if you relationship with one parent is good and the conversation will seem easier to have with them choose that for yourself and do listen to your instincts about when they are ready to know, I am sure you'll be able to tell their moods etc. and try to find a space that is private, calm and a moment that is not rushed.

  • Planning what to say could be helpful if you choose to go forward with sharing (Here is just an example of what I think might be helpful, you can pick and choose what you'd like and ofcourse say what feels right to you)

E.g. ' Heyy Mum and Dad, do you have time to talk? I’ve got something on my mind that I've been meaning to share with you two, this is extremely hard for me to share and it might be hard for you to hear or you might not like it, I'd appreciate if you could hear me completely before saying anything..so here goes, I am non-binary, which means..' 

This is a lot of information that I have shared on this message, so please take your time to read and process, this is definitely tough but know you are not alone in this. So proud of you for taking the step of wanting to speak your truth and sharing who you are. Do let me know how all of this sounds to you? 

( thoughtful ) ❤️❤️

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