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My dad said if I didn't start getting out of the house that he would kick me out


Horseygirl    

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So my country has a thing called NDIS which is a thing for people with a disability. In my case, I have ADHD and autism. I recently joined with this NDIS-associated club called Afford, and they go out to places like the movies, theme parks, etc.  

 

It was agreed that I would first be doing one-on-one support with a carer before going out in any groups. 

This afternoon my mum told me about this river cruise that the Afford people are doing tomorrow and asked if I wanted to go. I said no thank you because I refused to be shoved into group stuff with people I have never met when I haven't even started my one-on-one support yet. She got mad and said I should go and that if SHE could, she would go. She then went out to drop my sister to work and for a while I just played my favourite game called Animal Jam to calm down. Then my dad said that I had better start getting out of the house and that if I didn't start going out instead of sitting at home all day (i dont sit at home all day, i do housework and study!) that he and my mum (she wasn't there, he was speaking for her) would kick me out of the house. He then went on to say I would not be living with them when I was 50. Ummm yea definitely not!!!!! 

 

I literally cried because he basically just threatened to kick me out if I didn't start going out, and I don't have a job yet or anywhere to go. I've been trying and trying to get a job, applying to all jobs with animals, and I've had no luck. I just want to cry because i'm scared he'll kick me out.

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5 hours ago, Horseygirl said:

So my country has a thing called NDIS which is a thing for people with a disability. In my case, I have ADHD and autism. I recently joined with this NDIS-associated club called Afford, and they go out to places like the movies, theme parks, etc.  

It was agreed that I would first be doing one-on-one support with a carer before going out in any groups. 

This afternoon my mum told me about this river cruise that the Afford people are doing tomorrow and asked if I wanted to go. I said no thank you because I refused to be shoved into group stuff with people I have never met when I haven't even started my one-on-one support yet. She got mad and said I should go and that if SHE could, she would go. She then went out to drop my sister to work and for a while I just played my favourite game called Animal Jam to calm down. Then my dad said that I had better start getting out of the house and that if I didn't start going out instead of sitting at home all day (i dont sit at home all day, i do housework and study!) that he and my mum (she wasn't there, he was speaking for her) would kick me out of the house. He then went on to say I would not be living with them when I was 50. Ummm yea definitely not!!!!! 

I literally cried because he basically just threatened to kick me out if I didn't start going out, and I don't have a job yet or anywhere to go. I've been trying and trying to get a job, applying to all jobs with animals, and I've had no luck. I just want to cry because i'm scared he'll kick me out.

Hi there, 

I just wanted to say thank you for reaching out and letting us know what is going on with your Dad. I'm afraid I have to log off now but @Luie, one of the other support mentors will be online later and she'll be there to support you. Take care

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On 10/21/2022 at 9:03 AM, Horseygirl said:

So my country has a thing called NDIS which is a thing for people with a disability. In my case, I have ADHD and autism. I recently joined with this NDIS-associated club called Afford, and they go out to places like the movies, theme parks, etc.  

It was agreed that I would first be doing one-on-one support with a carer before going out in any groups. 

This afternoon my mum told me about this river cruise that the Afford people are doing tomorrow and asked if I wanted to go. I said no thank you because I refused to be shoved into group stuff with people I have never met when I haven't even started my one-on-one support yet. She got mad and said I should go and that if SHE could, she would go. She then went out to drop my sister to work and for a while I just played my favourite game called Animal Jam to calm down. Then my dad said that I had better start getting out of the house and that if I didn't start going out instead of sitting at home all day (i dont sit at home all day, i do housework and study!) that he and my mum (she wasn't there, he was speaking for her) would kick me out of the house. He then went on to say I would not be living with them when I was 50. Ummm yea definitely not!!!!! 

I literally cried because he basically just threatened to kick me out if I didn't start going out, and I don't have a job yet or anywhere to go. I've been trying and trying to get a job, applying to all jobs with animals, and I've had no luck. I just want to cry because i'm scared he'll kick me out.

Heyy @Horseygirl, I am Luie one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label.


I’d like to start with sharing a way that can be helpful in calming and grounding. Let's take a deep breath together if you don't mind? Breathe in for 1 2 3 4, hold your breath for 1 2 and out for 1 2 3 4 5 6 (Let's repeat this 2-3 times).  

Peace Floating GIF by Cucchiaio d'Argento


Thank you for sharing with me how you've been feeling and I can understand through your words that you're going through a tough time in being supported and heard by your parents. Wanting one to one support at first makes complete sense before joining any groups so I hear you on feeling threatened by them, it sounds really scary and I want to check with you whether this is the first time they've said something like this to you or is this how they generally speak thinking this might be motivating for you to go outside?


I see that you are part of the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) and as far as my knowledge goes it provides funding to eligible people with disability to gain more time with family and friends, greater independence, access to new skills, jobs, or volunteering in their community, and they focus on an improved quality of life for individuals. You have shared that you have been wanting to apply for a job, would you be willing to reach out to the support in the NDIS so they can help you with the job prospects in areas which interest you? (I am happy to help you draft an email or message so that you can begin talking about this, I know personally it can be a lot to send that first message wanting help, here to support you in whichever way you need.) 
 

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On 10/23/2022 at 8:11 PM, Luie said:

Heyy @Horseygirl, I am Luie one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label.


I’d like to start with sharing a way that can be helpful in calming and grounding. Let's take a deep breath together if you don't mind? Breathe in for 1 2 3 4, hold your breath for 1 2 and out for 1 2 3 4 5 6 (Let's repeat this 2-3 times).  

Peace Floating GIF by Cucchiaio d'Argento


Thank you for sharing with me how you've been feeling and I can understand through your words that you're going through a tough time in being supported and heard by your parents. Wanting one to one support at first makes complete sense before joining any groups so I hear you on feeling threatened by them, it sounds really scary and I want to check with you whether this is the first time they've said something like this to you or is this how they generally speak thinking this might be motivating for you to go outside?


I see that you are part of the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) and as far as my knowledge goes it provides funding to eligible people with disability to gain more time with family and friends, greater independence, access to new skills, jobs, or volunteering in their community, and they focus on an improved quality of life for individuals. You have shared that you have been wanting to apply for a job, would you be willing to reach out to the support in the NDIS so they can help you with the job prospects in areas which interest you? (I am happy to help you draft an email or message so that you can begin talking about this, I know personally it can be a lot to send that first message wanting help, here to support you in whichever way you need.) 
 

Hi Luie, i'm so sorry im only seeing this now. I didn't get an email notification that you replied for some reason. This isn't the first time they've threatened to kick me out. Thank you so much for replying. It's just been crazy. I just posted a topic about how i'm absolutely exhausted from trying to get my first ever job that i'm passionate about. I just don't know what to do. Around me all my friends are getting jobs they love, so it makes no sense why no one will hire me. I will be honest, i'm absolutely refusing to be in a job i don't like. Being autistic and adhd, i get a LOT of autistic meltdowns and i feel one way a meltdown would occur would be in a job i'm not passionate about. I just feel so lost. I need help and i've tried reaching out by saying to my parents 'i dont know what to do anymore'. One thing i must explain is that with autistic people, we don't openly express how we're feeling, we kind of code it a bit. So me saying that i dont know what to do anymore to my parents is code for 'i need help, please help me'. Does that make sense?

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8 hours ago, Horseygirl said:

Hi Luie, i'm so sorry im only seeing this now. I didn't get an email notification that you replied for some reason. This isn't the first time they've threatened to kick me out. Thank you so much for replying. It's just been crazy. I just posted a topic about how i'm absolutely exhausted from trying to get my first ever job that i'm passionate about. I just don't know what to do. Around me all my friends are getting jobs they love, so it makes no sense why no one will hire me. I will be honest, i'm absolutely refusing to be in a job i don't like. Being autistic and adhd, i get a LOT of autistic meltdowns and i feel one way a meltdown would occur would be in a job i'm not passionate about. I just feel so lost. I need help and i've tried reaching out by saying to my parents 'i dont know what to do anymore'. One thing i must explain is that with autistic people, we don't openly express how we're feeling, we kind of code it a bit. So me saying that i dont know what to do anymore to my parents is code for 'i need help, please help me'. Does that make sense?

Please don't apologise for missing this! @Luie will be online later this afternoon - we're here for you.

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11 hours ago, Horseygirl said:

Hi Luie, i'm so sorry im only seeing this now. I didn't get an email notification that you replied for some reason. This isn't the first time they've threatened to kick me out. Thank you so much for replying. It's just been crazy. I just posted a topic about how i'm absolutely exhausted from trying to get my first ever job that i'm passionate about. I just don't know what to do. Around me all my friends are getting jobs they love, so it makes no sense why no one will hire me. I will be honest, i'm absolutely refusing to be in a job i don't like. Being autistic and adhd, i get a LOT of autistic meltdowns and i feel one way a meltdown would occur would be in a job i'm not passionate about. I just feel so lost. I need help and i've tried reaching out by saying to my parents 'i dont know what to do anymore'. One thing i must explain is that with autistic people, we don't openly express how we're feeling, we kind of code it a bit. So me saying that i dont know what to do anymore to my parents is code for 'i need help, please help me'. Does that make sense?

Heyy @Horseygirl, I am so glad to hear back from you, no need to be sorry, must've been a technical glitch and hence you didn't get the message. 

I am sorry to hear that you're threatened by your parents that you'll be kicked out that sounds extremely hurtful and difficult to go through time and again. You're right that being in a job that you're passionate about and enjoy is important. What kinds of jobs are you seeking?

I hear you in terms of letting your parents know through your way of expression. I wonder if writing/typing a message would help your feelings get across to them a little better? I am not assuming here that your parents will fully understand but if there is a chance that they hear you and want to be there for you the way you need it, it's worth that effort perhaps..What do you think of this?

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4 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @Horseygirl, I am so glad to hear back from you, no need to be sorry, must've been a technical glitch and hence you didn't get the message. 

I am sorry to hear that you're threatened by your parents that you'll be kicked out that sounds extremely hurtful and difficult to go through time and again. You're right that being in a job that you're passionate about and enjoy is important. What kinds of jobs are you seeking?

I hear you in terms of letting your parents know through your way of expression. I wonder if writing/typing a message would help your feelings get across to them a little better? I am not assuming here that your parents will fully understand but if there is a chance that they hear you and want to be there for you the way you need it, it's worth that effort perhaps..What do you think of this?

Hi Luie, 

 

Some jobs i've been seeking are jobs like working as a stable hand (i did work experience for almost 2 years as a stable hand for this class i was doing in high school called FSK (Functional skills for work) which required me to do 100 hours of work experience to get my certificate II in Vocational Pathways and Work Experience. I've also tried looking for jobs with kids but that requires certificates apparently, not just a blue card. I've tried applying for jobs with animals like (as i mentioned in the last 2 posts) at dog grooming places, babysitting peoples' pets, walking peoples' dogs etc. It's all the jobs i'm NOT passionate about that are open to me, and I know that any other reasonable person would take those jobs just like that, but I just can't bring myself to work in a job i'm not passionate about. The best way I can explain it is if i'm working in a job im not passionate about, i feel like im betraying myself. Like im not being true to me, who i am as a person if that makes sense. 

 

I think writing/typing a message to my parents is a good idea, I'm just wondering if they'd actually read it though. A lot of times i want to show my parents something, especially my mum, i'll be like 'hey mum, can i show you something please?' when she's on her phone or computer or just when she's sitting in the loungeroom and she'll be like 'in a minute' except a minute literally stretches on for 5-10 minutes and after 2-3 minutes of waiting, i get fed up and leave the room and don't end up showing her until 2-3 maybe 4 hours later...

 

I definitely want to try writing/typing a letter to them, but it might be awkward if they want me to stand in front of them while they read it, or even worse if they don't read it at all. 

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19 hours ago, Horseygirl said:

Hi Luie, 

Some jobs i've been seeking are jobs like working as a stable hand (i did work experience for almost 2 years as a stable hand for this class i was doing in high school called FSK (Functional skills for work) which required me to do 100 hours of work experience to get my certificate II in Vocational Pathways and Work Experience. I've also tried looking for jobs with kids but that requires certificates apparently, not just a blue card. I've tried applying for jobs with animals like (as i mentioned in the last 2 posts) at dog grooming places, babysitting peoples' pets, walking peoples' dogs etc. It's all the jobs i'm NOT passionate about that are open to me, and I know that any other reasonable person would take those jobs just like that, but I just can't bring myself to work in a job i'm not passionate about. The best way I can explain it is if i'm working in a job im not passionate about, i feel like im betraying myself. Like im not being true to me, who i am as a person if that makes sense. 

I think writing/typing a message to my parents is a good idea, I'm just wondering if they'd actually read it though. A lot of times i want to show my parents something, especially my mum, i'll be like 'hey mum, can i show you something please?' when she's on her phone or computer or just when she's sitting in the loungeroom and she'll be like 'in a minute' except a minute literally stretches on for 5-10 minutes and after 2-3 minutes of waiting, i get fed up and leave the room and don't end up showing her until 2-3 maybe 4 hours later...

I definitely want to try writing/typing a letter to them, but it might be awkward if they want me to stand in front of them while they read it, or even worse if they don't read it at all. 

Heyy @Horseygirl, Thank you your reply. 

I am glad that you think writing to your parents is a good idea, I hear you though, it can be disheartening if they don't read it or scary if they read it in front of you. A suggestion would be to hand write the message addressing to Mum and Dad (You could do it to either of them depending on who you are more comfortable with or if you want to address them both then write the letter addressing both of them). Handwritten letters do have a more personal touch to them and shows the importance to you (this has been my experience). If you're feeling nervous about this, I completely understand, I am here for you though - Happy to read through a draft of what you'd like to say to them and we can go through the language and tonality if you need (You do not need to send over the draft on the community, you can send it over on confidential support). How does this sound to you? 

About the job situation, damn, it really does sound so frustrating, I understand that it feels like you will be betraying yourself, and that betrayal could be difficult, however, would it be as unbearable if your parents got off your back for a while which will allow you the space to keep searching for something that you're passionate about? Trust me, I know this is a dilemma. But would do you think of the suggestion?

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