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Am I Poly?


Ocean_Spirit    

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So, i started dating this guy about 2 weeks ago, I'm really enjoying it so far. But I think i might be poly because I'm also in love with this one person, she makes me very happy and they're just amazing in general. I don't know how to tell him, so if someone could maybe help me out and give me some advice? 

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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, Ocean_Spirit said:

So, i started dating this guy about 2 weeks ago, I'm really enjoying it so far. But I think i might be poly because I'm also in love with this one person, she makes me very happy and they're just amazing in general. I don't know how to tell him, so if someone could maybe help me out and give me some advice? 

Heyy Ocean_Spirit! I am Luie, one of the digital mentors with Ditch the Label.


Congrats on starting dating someone new, it sounds so exciting, I am genuinely happy for you. It definitely can be quite tricky to speak to someone you have just started dating about being poly, but before we dive into this, I was curious and wanted to check in because you said that you 'might' be poly, could you clarify this with me?


The reason I am asking is because if you're attracted to this amazing individual that you have mentioned but do not want to move forward and explore the connection then perhaps it's not needed to share with the current guy you are dating, unless you really feel he should know this. However, if you are wanting to explore that connection with her whilst also dating the guy it would be fair to let him know earlier on than later because in my opinion the basis of any healthy relationship is honesty and open communication. A way to perhaps approach this conversation could be either in person or on text, whatever is the most comfortable for you. This is just one of the many ways you could begin the conversation: 'Before we go any further, I want to let you know that I am polyamorous. I hope that is not a deal breaker for you, because I would really like to continue dating, but if it is I totally understand! Feel free to ask me anything about it and I'd also like to know your thoughts on it.'


And trust me Ocean_Spirit, these things are not always easy and it takes a lot of courage to openly talk about what you identify as. So please take your time and do what feels right for you. If anything I have said does not resonate with you, do let me know and we can work together in figuring out how you'd like to speak about this more, how does this sound? 
 

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Thank you. He did break up a few days ago, but it was more about him thinking he was keeping me from being myself.I did use your advice and I'll do so more in the future with relationships. 

And I would absolutely like to work together, I think it would be fun and a learning experience. I really appreciate this, thank you.

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10 hours ago, Ocean_Spirit said:

Thank you. He did break up a few days ago, but it was more about him thinking he was keeping me from being myself.I did use your advice and I'll do so more in the future with relationships. 

And I would absolutely like to work together, I think it would be fun and a learning experience. I really appreciate this, thank you.

 

I am so sorry to hear about how things went. It does sound to me that it came from an understanding lens however, it doesn’t take away from how hurtful this is for you. I admire your strength  in owning your truth. Do take the time needed to heal from this and reach out whenever you’d like to speak about this or anything else. I'd like to leave you with this - whoever you choose to date in the future (or the present) is a damn lucky person. 

 Cheer Up Hug GIF by Chibird


 

 

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45 minutes ago, Luie said:

I am so sorry to hear about how things went. It does sound to me that it came from an understanding lens however, it doesn’t take away from how hurtful this is for you. I admire your strength  in owning your truth. Do take the time needed to heal from this and reach out whenever you’d like to speak about this or anything else. I'd like to leave you with this - whoever you choose to date in the future (or the present) is a damn lucky person. 

 Cheer Up Hug GIF by Chibird


 

I mean, it doesn't hurt too much, I had a feeling we weren't going to last a very long time, but it still does because i was starting to fall for him. And thank you, i really needed to hear that, even if it wasn't something verbal.  I don't always feel romantical feeling for 2 people at a time, so I'm not 100% sure I'm poly, but taking a break until I'm sure or until someone is ok with dating a poly person. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Digital Mentor
On 10/17/2022 at 5:17 PM, Ocean_Spirit said:

I mean, it doesn't hurt too much, I had a feeling we weren't going to last a very long time, but it still does because i was starting to fall for him. And thank you, i really needed to hear that, even if it wasn't something verbal.  I don't always feel romantical feeling for 2 people at a time, so I'm not 100% sure I'm poly, but taking a break until I'm sure or until someone is ok with dating a poly person. 

This sounds like it is right for you currently, I respect this, know that if these feelings and emotions change over time, allow yourself the space to change those labels accordingly. Take care and reach out whenever you'd like to talk more. Also I'd love it if you could please take a moment to let us know how I did, using the form below. Thank you @Ocean_Spirit 😊

 

 

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