I’m wanting to come out, but idk how because my dad already doesn’t like how I dress like a guy even though I’m a girl, how should I tell him?

[Kaiya]

I really don’t know what to do to tell him and I tried dropping hints but he doesn’t realize and I’m scared to flat out tell him because he doesn’t seem to like anything I say or do that suggests the topic of LGBTQ+

[Aurora]

7 hours ago, Kaiya said:

I really don’t know what to do to tell him and I tried dropping hints but he doesn’t realize and I’m scared to flat out tell him because he doesn’t seem to like anything I say or do that suggests the topic of LGBTQ+

Hi @Kaiya, welcome to Ditch the Label. It's lovely to have you here. I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here at and I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. I'm glad you found us. This is a very supportive and welcoming community and there are lots of others here who are going through similar things at the moment. First of all, can I just check if you think it would be safe to tell your Dad? By that I mean do you think there is any chance he might kick you out or do you think it would be unsafe to tell him? 

[Kaiya]

On 9/23/2022 at 4:14 AM, Aurora said:

Hi @Kaiya, welcome to Ditch the Label. It's lovely to have you here. I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here at and I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. I'm glad you found us. This is a very supportive and welcoming community and there are lots of others here who are going through similar things at the moment. First of all, can I just check if you think it would be safe to tell your Dad? By that I mean do you think there is any chance he might kick you out or do you think it would be unsafe to tell him? 

I do not think he would kick me out but it feels a bit unsafe in a way that I feel like he will yell at me and/or shame me for not being straight and being around him may be even more uncomfortable than it already is.

[Aurora]

17 hours ago, Kaiya said:

I do not think he would kick me out but it feels a bit unsafe in a way that I feel like he will yell at me and/or shame me for not being straight and being around him may be even more uncomfortable than it already is.

Thank you for clarifying. Your safety is really important and it's definitely something that you need to consider before coming out. Also, do you feel ready to tell your Dad? Please know that there is no pressure for you to come out, if you don't feel ready. If you do feel ready and you feel it on balance that it is safe to tell him, I'm wondering if there is someone else who could be there when you tell him? Can you think of someone who could support you? 

[Kaiya]

9 hours ago, Aurora said:

Thank you for clarifying. Your safety is really important and it's definitely something that you need to consider before coming out. Also, do you feel ready to tell your Dad? Please know that there is no pressure for you to come out, if you don't feel ready. If you do feel ready and you feel it on balance that it is safe to tell him, I'm wondering if there is someone else who could be there when you tell him? Can you think of someone who could support you? 

Yes actually my mom could be there and I plan on having her there when and if I tell him, since she already knows and is very supportive.

[Aurora]

14 hours ago, Kaiya said:

Yes actually my mom could be there and I plan on having her there when and if I tell him, since she already knows and is very supportive.

That sounds like a really good idea. As I mentioned before, please don't feel any pressure to come out to your Dad if you're not ready or if you don't want to. This is your journey and it's really important that you decide when/if the time feels right. 

Do you mind me asking, if you live with both your parents? 

[Kaiya]

14 hours ago, Aurora said:

That sounds like a really good idea. As I mentioned before, please don't feel any pressure to come out to your Dad if you're not ready or if you don't want to. This is your journey and it's really important that you decide when/if the time feels right. 

Do you mind me asking, if you live with both your parents? 

I do not mind you asking at all, and no, I do not live with both parents. We switch on a certain schedule although sometimes my mom keeps me longer bc of my dad’s work.

 

[Aurora]

8 hours ago, Kaiya said:

I do not mind you asking at all, and no, I do not live with both parents. We switch on a certain schedule although sometimes my mom keeps me longer bc of my dad’s work.

That's good to know. Does that mean if your Dad really did take it badly, you could stay with your Mum for a while? In my experience a parents love for their child can often really transform their views though. If you choose to come out to your Dad, his love for you might make him look at things differently and make him more open minded. It might not happen straight away but with time parents often become accepting and supportive of their child's sexuality. What do you think? 

[Kaiya]

1 hour ago, Aurora said:

That's good to know. Does that mean if your Dad really did take it badly, you could stay with your Mum for a while? In my experience a parents love for their child can often really transform their views though. If you choose to come out to your Dad, his love for you might make him look at things differently and make him more open minded. It might not happen straight away but with time parents often become accepting and supportive of their child's sexuality. What do you think? 

Thank you for telling me this, I really appreciate it. And also, if my dad were to take it badly, they have this schedule bc of legal reasons and my age does not allow me to choose to stay with my mom a lot and not go by the schedule.

[Aurora]

On 9/28/2022 at 3:54 PM, Kaiya said:

Thank you for telling me this, I really appreciate it. And also, if my dad were to take it badly, they have this schedule bc of legal reasons and my age does not allow me to choose to stay with my mom a lot and not go by the schedule.

Ok, I know what you mean. How do you feel about it now? This is your journey and it's really important that you come out when it feels like the right time for you. 

[Kaiya]

10 hours ago, Aurora said:

Ok, I know what you mean. How do you feel about it now? This is your journey and it's really important that you come out when it feels like the right time for you. 

I’m not sure if I’m quite ready but I don’t want to wait too long because it’s just awkward and so tense not knowing what his reaction could be.

[Aurora]

On 10/1/2022 at 2:45 AM, Kaiya said:

I’m not sure if I’m quite ready but I don’t want to wait too long because it’s just awkward and so tense not knowing what his reaction could be.

Of course, I get that. It is normal to feel scared about coming out. Especially if you don't know how the other person is going to react. On the other hand, it can feel really liberating having that conversation as you can then be your true, authentic self. I'm wondering, have you spoken to your mom about coming out to your dad? You mentioned having her there, when you speak to your dad. Maybe you could talk things through with her beforehand. What do you think? 

[AliceB]

If giving hints isn't working, I would sit him down for a serious conversation and tell him how you feel. Make sure you have support elsewhere I case he doesn't support it but as long as you're confident it'll be fine

[Kaiya]

On 10/3/2022 at 5:31 AM, Aurora said:

Of course, I get that. It is normal to feel scared about coming out. Especially if you don't know how the other person is going to react. On the other hand, it can feel really liberating having that conversation as you can then be your true, authentic self. I'm wondering, have you spoken to your mom about coming out to your dad? You mentioned having her there, when you speak to your dad. Maybe you could talk things through with her beforehand. What do you think? 

Sry it took so long to respond, but I have talked to her about coming out to him and she said she would want to be there if I want her there.

[Blondie]

7 hours ago, Kaiya said:

Sry it took so long to respond, but I have talked to her about coming out to him and she said she would want to be there if I want her there.

Hey there @Kaiya I'm Blonde, one of the other support mentors here at DTL. 

Please don't worry about replying late, it's never a problem! And I just wanted to let you know that @Aurora is back online Monday 24th so will respond to you.