I don't know how to come out to my Christian family

[ghost lamp_]

So I'm lesbian and have known for a while now, but my family is Christian and extremely homophobic. I feel like i should tell them but I'm worried. 

My brother is gay and has a boyfriend and my parents act just disappointed and hateful at every decision he makes. i knew before my family ever told me bc some of my friends follow his Insta, and he's posted some stuff about his boyfriend there. he and my sis are both at college so i don't see them to much, so my mom ended up telling me he was gay. as soon as i woke up one morning she said," I have something really important to talk to you about later" and so I'm immediately like oh sh*t I'm in big trouble. maybe an hour or 2 after lunch she sits down next to me on the couch and just immediately starts crying out of nowhere and says,"I'm sorry, i might cry through this whole conversation cuz its really hard for me." and then says (still weeping like the house got burned down with the entire family in it) " so your brother and BF are well, more than friends" and then proceeds to talk about how being gay is the same level of bad as doing crack daily (im not kidding) and about how she does not support him at all " but still loves him dearly" for THREE AND A HALF HOURS. and i cannot tell you how internally pissed i was. i sure as hell wasn't gonna say anything but i was mad.     then she turns to me and goes," so, what's your opinion on it all, huh?" and i just say idk and she's like " what do you mean you dont know???? okay whatever i guess"

fast forward to a Saturday night. Mom's making the Sunday school lesson ( she teaches that sometimes ). she says to me (btw, we're in the car driving home) " so this lesson is going to be called 'when heroes fall' i know you looked up to your brother in a lot of ways and now he's really let you down and failed you. so maybe this will help you understand that he'll get back up one day and break up with that crazy guy." and i just straight up say," he didn't disappoint me at all actually" and she goes,"so your fine with all of this" and i go" yeah, he's 22, he's an adult he can do what he wants" and she goes," So iF hE wAs DoiNG hERoiN yOU wOuLd SaY iTs FiNe cUz hEs An AdUlT????!!???" and i said, "mother he's not doing drugs he's just gay good lord-" and we argued and i got pissed and she got pissed and whatever

okay so thats the main background stuff aside from the mass amount of homophobic/transphobic jokes.

im definitely not coming out to my parents because i honestly am just scared, but ill probably come out to my brother and sister because they are pretty chill. idfk how ill do that tho

 

i just need advise on it all. i dont know what to do about it all.    :(

[Aurora]

6 hours ago, ghost lamp_ said:

So I'm lesbian and have known for a while now, but my family is Christian and extremely homophobic. I feel like i should tell them but I'm worried. 

My brother is gay and has a boyfriend and my parents act just disappointed and hateful at every decision he makes. i knew before my family ever told me bc some of my friends follow his Insta, and he's posted some stuff about his boyfriend there. he and my sis are both at college so i don't see them to much, so my mom ended up telling me he was gay. as soon as i woke up one morning she said," I have something really important to talk to you about later" and so I'm immediately like oh sh*t I'm in big trouble. maybe an hour or 2 after lunch she sits down next to me on the couch and just immediately starts crying out of nowhere and says,"I'm sorry, i might cry through this whole conversation cuz its really hard for me." and then says (still weeping like the house got burned down with the entire family in it) " so your brother and BF are well, more than friends" and then proceeds to talk about how being gay is the same level of bad as doing crack daily (im not kidding) and about how she does not support him at all " but still loves him dearly" for THREE AND A HALF HOURS. and i cannot tell you how internally pissed i was. i sure as hell wasn't gonna say anything but i was mad.     then she turns to me and goes," so, what's your opinion on it all, huh?" and i just say idk and she's like " what do you mean you dont know???? okay whatever i guess"

fast forward to a Saturday night. Mom's making the Sunday school lesson ( she teaches that sometimes ). she says to me (btw, we're in the car driving home) " so this lesson is going to be called 'when heroes fall' i know you looked up to your brother in a lot of ways and now he's really let you down and failed you. so maybe this will help you understand that he'll get back up one day and break up with that crazy guy." and i just straight up say," he didn't disappoint me at all actually" and she goes,"so your fine with all of this" and i go" yeah, he's 22, he's an adult he can do what he wants" and she goes," So iF hE wAs DoiNG hERoiN yOU wOuLd SaY iTs FiNe cUz hEs An AdUlT????!!???" and i said, "mother he's not doing drugs he's just gay good lord-" and we argued and i got pissed and she got pissed and whatever

okay so thats the main background stuff aside from the mass amount of homophobic/transphobic jokes.

im definitely not coming out to my parents because i honestly am just scared, but ill probably come out to my brother and sister because they are pretty chill. idfk how ill do that tho

i just need advise on it all. i dont know what to do about it all.    :(

Hi there, welcome to the Community . It's lovely to have you here. I'm Aurora, I'm one of the support mentors here and I give support and advice to those that reach out to us. 

Thank you for opening up about what has been going on and I'm glad you found us. There are lots of other people on here who have had similar experiences to you and this is a very supportive and accepting community. Firstly, can I just say, I think it's great that you stood up for your brother and told your Mum that he didn't disappoint you at all. From what you are saying it sounds to me like your Mum is still getting used to your brother's sexuality and I'm wondering whether with time she will become more accepting. You mentioned that she told you that she still loves your brother dearly and I think parents love for their children can play a big part in transforming their views. It might not happen straight away but it might happen over time. What do you think?

Please don't feel that there is any pressure in coming out to your parents if you don't feel comfortable to. It sounds to me like you're not ready and that's absolutely fine. It's great to hear that you would like to come out to your brother and sister. And it's really normal not to know how to go about it. Do you think you would like to tell them at the same time or will it be easier to tell them individually? Also, have you told any of your friends yet? And if yes, how did that go?