How do I know who I like ? (long)

[catarina]

Oof, sorry, I'm another one of the confused sexuality posts on here..but it's been bothering me for ages and I can't figure myself out.

 

So basically, through middle and high school I always called myself straight because it never mattered much to me, most boys liked girls and most girls liked boys, and even the ones who didn't fit into those two categories didn't talk much about it, so I was never exposed to the "let's talk about what we like when it comes to gender."

 

All I know about my sexuality is I'm not aromantic, asexual, or a lesbian. But beyond that, I'm lost. I've had crushes on girls plenty throughout my life, but I've never known if crushes are enough to actually be able to decide whether or not I like girls enough to be anything but straight.

 

I'm not opposed to trying a relationship with a girl, of course, but I don't think I have ever met a girl that I'd be open to dating who would also be open to dating me, or if I have, I've just been too shy to realize it.

 

A part of me is actually slightly afraid there's some homophobia within me, perhaps that it's "it's so obvious that I'm not straight but the slight homophobia in my brain tries to deny it" which leads to my confusion and uncertainty. But there's absolutely no reason for me to be homophobic, and everyone around me knows that I am absolutely not homophobic.

 

And maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing? I'm not sure, I just want to be sure of myself. I'm so confused that I can't even tell people I'm straight anymore, if anyone asks about my sexual orientation, I always just say "all I'm gonna say is I'm not a lesbian" this being because I know I like guys, I've had too much experience with them to be unsure, which is also why I think it's so hard for me to come to terms with what I like, being cis guys are the only people I have ever been involved with.

 

I think I'm done now..Sorry that it was so long and sorry if it was confusing, if you can't tell, I'm also confused, lol. Thanks for reading and thanks for any replies I get with this. (:

[Willow]

Hey Catarina!

 

Thank you SO much for sharing what you're working through! Your story reeeeaaally resonates with me and my own journey.

 

For me, I've never really liked a woman to the point that I would be interested in dating them. Though, I wonder if I have been interested, but didn't want the label of "lesbian" to be tacked onto me, even more than it's already presumed. I, too, wonder if my resistance to being labeled a "lesbian" could be seen as homophobic--- when, really, I just don't want anyone to make assumptions about my sexuality based on the activities I like to do, or the way I express myself.

 

The conversation about the sexualities that lie in between gay and straight are just now starting. But even more important that specific words that describe our attractions, I like to just follow my interest. A person is a person, and I have varying attraction for different people.

 

When people ask me if I'm straight or gay, I just say that I'm open to experiences and figuring out what my chemistry with a person means. And that an emotional and intellectual connection are the biggest contributors to who I'm attracted to.

 

Hope this helps!

 

 

-willow

[catarina]

This actually makes a lot of sense, thank you! I think I've just been too hung up on a label and just need to accept the fact that maybe there is no label that's "right" for me. Haha, just like the name of the site, I need to ditch a label for my sexuality.

[Willow]

Heya Catarina,

 

I'm glad it was helpful! -- I know, it's way too easy to want to box ourselves in. Those labels are often more to benefit others than ourselves ?

 

-willow